in greater detail

i was asked today, quite vehemently i might add, why i did not choose to sit out the '07 season. why exactly was it so important that i compete.

well what can i say? there are things about me that i know. for example i know that i set out to do something last june that i feel was not done. i know the general consenus is that i should be proud of what i did last summer and to a certain extent i am, however i did not come close to the target that i set out for myself.

i have other friends who fear i am setting myself up for failure by unfairly comparing my physique to that of athletes who use. to that i say, there are a 6 people with clipboards a scant few feet from the front of the stage who are not saying 'ya know, for a drug free athlete who was born with poor calves and a tendency to hold bodyfat around her middle she isn't half bad'. no my friends they are more apt to note that competitor #56 needs to bring up her calves, dry out her legs and come in a little tighter in the midsection. the judges don't care who has used what to get to the stage. yes, there are limits to what i can achieve however, i can know that and still try to bust my azz to bring in the best condition i can. that seems to me to be more positive than simply saying it can't be done.

and further what about my piece of mind? for if i sat out this season i know i would forever be faced with what if's. did i sit out the season to heal or because i was afraid to fail? was sitting out the right decision? what if it was my year? it may sound like an awful lot to put oneself through for a $5 trophy but it's not for the trophy... i compete for more than that, i compete for my honour and my self respect. i compete because i am a comptitive athlete and it's what i do.

i don't expect everyone to understand, i do hope that most of you can support me in this venture and for those of you who can't... happy holidays.