party of one

You are still feeling pretty thoughtful, so hunker down and record some of the deeper stuff that bubbles up from down below. You may hit on a huge idea that helps you find new ways to deal with life.
~~ daily horoscope by astrology.com ~~

my mother for reasons of her own needs to see all of her children romantically paired. there is a problem with that need. her two youngest children are terminally single.

my mother and her friend were recently discussing my life, what i have done with it and the non-existent state of my love life. because my mother and her friends are from a different time they don't understand that it might be difficult to find someone to date. it is as if they think i simply need to wander into my local men 'R' us, where i can pick out someone suitable from the strong and muscular aisle.

what frightens me most is the knowledge that my mother still hopes that i will someday marry. i was in my late teens when i first announced that i would never marry. around that time my parents marriage was the most rocky.

it is also very important to note that i have never had an adult relationship that lasted any longer than six weeks. i simply can't see how i could marry anyone. i haven't learned how to be in a relationship to be part of a couple. a lesson most people figure out as early as high school.

a successful relationship is a balance. it is a give and take between two people. when you have spent your entire life alone you don't have that balance. you are either inclined to take as that is all that you know or you give unconditionally to ensure that the other person doesn't leave you.

i suspect that at this point i am a bad bet. i am probably too set in my ways and far too unyielding to make anyone a decent partner.

i honestly believe that we don't all get to fall in love. i firmly believe that we want it and that we look for it and some of the lucky ones even find it. perhaps if everyone experienced it then it wouldn't be as special? maybe some of us are supposed to go through life without ever experiencing romantic love. maybe as long as we experience some form of love; the love of family, friends, pets or food, we can still live a happy and balanced life.

my horoscope suggested that i had something to say and that i should say it. so that is where this blog post comes from. a thought that has been rattling around in my head for sometime. a thought that i kept refusing to blog about but the longer you ignore an idea the more noise it makes inside your head.