lone wolf... party of one

my oldest brother stopped by the homestead yesterday. he came bearing an invitation for the family up to his place on sunday for a bbq. there was an extremely awkward moment when he attempted to include me in the invitation.

by now i would think it is a given that i am not going to be at any gathering or event that occurs anywhere other than at the homestead. and truth be told, if i could figure out how to duck out of those as well, i would.

for the longest time i have felt out of place and decidedly uncomfortable at these gatherings. i am not sure if it just further manifestations of my unsociable side or if it has to do with my claustrophobia... or a combination of them both. all i know is that i find it hard to sit still, i have no patience for any of the activities going on and i want nothing more than to be far away. the times when the gatherings happen at the home i am agitated up until people leave. 

getting drunk seems to help me tolerate the extra bodies and i have to ability to appear social. but i will be honest i don't like getting drunk, it gets in the way of my training and i can't help but think that i shouldn't need to get drunk in order to get through events.

is there an event in particular that has prompted this bbq? yes, my brother's sister-in-law has returned from africa or someplace and she will be accompanied by her husband/baby daddy/man and their two babies. on a good day i'd never had anything to say to the woman beyond hi, how are you? 

i have absolutely no interest in children and i was born without a biological clock. or perhaps i found the thing years ago and hammered it into submission. i don't want to see, smell or hold babies. in fact the little fawkers freak me out. i see them as watermelon-sized grenades. the problem being you can't tell when the pin has been pulled and you can never tell which end is gonna erupt. all i know is that whatever is coming out of whichever end is nothing i want to see, hear, wear or smell.

i readily admit that i am really not that nice of a person. but i also recognize that my quirks and idiosyncrasies are all part of my charm!

finally i wanted to take a moment to point out that there are some definite downsides to having my blog on an open forum. it now has the attention of spammers. you will now notice that any comments that you make will not immediately be posted to the blog. they will be moderated by yours truly. i will have them posted as soon as i can. please know that as soon as you enter them i get an email from blogger to let me know they are there. i am sorry that this step is needed but there are clearly far too many people out there with far too much time on their hands. but my friends, please keep commenting. ~ thank you, miche