the end of the road...

i am sitting here in my room waiting to eat before i head out on the road. that's right today is the day i drive up to the contest. i weighed myself at 135 this a.m. i still have a day of water drop and other activity before weigh-in's tonight. either way i will definately be a heavyweight... which was the plan.

on sec... the microwave beckons.

so what can i say that hasn't already been said? i am coming to the end of 26 weeks of dieting... dieting without cheats or treats. i think throughout that 26 week run i had two 'sick' days where i was unable to complete my training. but otherwise i have done the dayum thing. i look, in my humble opinion and the opinion of others who were along for the ride last year, much improved. my coach went as far as to say that i look this year like a completely different person.

which brings me to my next point. i AM a completely different person. well in the sense that i have grown alot this prep and i have learned alot about myself. first of all i am stronger than i knew. the diligence to the diet, all that fawkin cardio, and this last week without benefit of sweetener. okay the sweetener thing is huge. i have a sweet tooth... nah fawk it all of em are sweet. i am so very proud of the fact that in order to get what i want i was able to forego sweetener in my coffee, tea and oatmeal. i went without sugarless gum and i did not drink any crystal light or diet sodas. i realize now... within reason there is nothing i can't do. which is giving me the courage to do something else.

i am going into work on monday after the show and i am giving my 2 weeks notice. my current job in advertising enables me to enjoy some economic freedoms but it does nothing for my soul. due to the nature of the 'business' as they like to call it, (fyi you can even hear the fawker pronounce it with the quotes around the word), i am unable to really train clients. training clients at the gym provides me with much needed balance. regardless of how much i might b*tch about unfocused clients... there is a part of me that very much enjoys helping people or fixing things. that part of me is never satisfied with just making money. i guess my displeasure at my situation is part and parcel of why i find myself so depressed at work and so disgusted with my co-workers. i realize now more than ever that i do not fit in there.

so the plan is to go back into freelance computer graphics. i have contacted my agency of preference already and put out a few feelers to some friends. im really going to try to stay closer to home as well. a 9-5 existance will work well with training clients before and after work and more importantly will keep my own training on schedule!!!

the risk is... it generally takes 8 weeks before the cheques start rolling in from the freelance agency. the smart thing to do would be to stay at my current job and bankroll some cash and then make my move (fyi, show prep financially wipes ya out), but staying would surely have me kill somebody... i kid... maybe.

besides if this show prep has taught me nothing it has taught me that i am a survivor. i can and i WILL rise to any challenge.

ok time to hit the road. sometime saturday evening this journey will all be over.

i can honestly say i look forward to my next challenge.

thanks to those of you... who've been following along. i appreciate the support, perhaps more than i could ever express.

cheers