sinking fast???

well my friends, those of you who still bother to check this place out, i know it has been next to forever since i last posted an update... but allow me to bring you up to speed.

first my father. he had his surgery a little over a week ago and i am happy to report he is successfully convalescing here at the homestead.

secondly, my mother. well things with her had been good up until a little over a week ago when the mystery pains started up again. she has to wait until the weekend before she can get an appointment with the accupuncturist. lately accupuncture therapy has been very helpful for her pain management.

and lastly yours truly. well as you have probably guessed the website project is still on the back burner. frankly i am a tad overwhelmed by things at the moment. sure i keep trying to forage on because well at the 5 week out mark it seems crazy to back out now... but here are my current challenges.

my coach has disappeared. which leaves me with no one to go to winnipeg with and no one to apply my contest colour. it also leaves me with no choreographer for my posing routine although there is the possiblity that i can do that myself. of course about then was when my computer decided to go tits up... and ive only recently been able to get back online. without my computer i haven't been able to edit music for the aforementioned posing routine.

but here is the biggie. looks like im broke, busted and financially spent. so it doesn't even look like i can afford to go to winnipeg either. in the last couple of weeks i have been chasing a couple of last ditch efforts... the elusive sponsorship dollar, which of course remains elusive and i even went to the bank to apply for a line of credit that has been denied.

in a few days i have an appointment with my financial advisor and he is going to have access some of my investment funds for me. i'm still dieting though. so far i'm still in this. i have friends who have offered to give me the cash i need to get to winnipeg but frankly thats more money than i could ever want to borrow from anyone.

so what is the plan? well it looks like winnipeg will be my last show for a while. im going to keep digging forward to turn this into a reality. i have to. i think that my entire life involves me giving up on things before i really applied myself. i think i tend to give up rather than risk failure. so its on me to get her done. and after this show is done... well i will have to retire from competition for a while and get my finances back in order.

i'm currently working full time as a personal trainer at one of the major chains. ive been there for about 3 months now and i am just starting to see the commissions coming in. my mother suggests that i get back into graphic design but i think i would rather kill myself than do that. well actually... i think i would kill myself if i did that.

anyway enough of the maudlin talk. for those of you that believe in the power of prayer... i beg you to do so. for those of you who believe in the power of positive thinking... i ask for your help.

and i will continue to place one foot in front of the other... until i no longer can.