happy new year

i hope you have all had a safe, happy and healthy new year. i wish nothing but the best for all of my friends in the coming year!!!

i've spent the better part of three weeks at home and frankly i am all over the panic button. tomorrow i will go and register with some temp agencies and see if there are other things i can do. i don't have clerical experience so likely i'll be hauling boxes in a warehouse. something that i know my back can't take right now.

i have been fighting demons for weeks and although it should be getting easier it's not. the itch remains, last night all i had to do was stay a little longer at the gym and a friend would have hooked me up. instead i came home and stayed up late drinking coke zero spiked with rum. a glass of which is currently 8 inches from my left hand.

so what's changed since the last post?. what has me adding fingers of rum to glasses of coke zero? is it just my frustration at the situation i put myself in? is it because i am scared that i will not be able to find my way out of this mess? or is it the fear that i seem to no longer be able to make anything but bad decisions?

i had an interesting new year's text exchange with a skate park friend. i wished him all the best and hoped that all his dreams would come true in 2009. apparently, as far as he is concerned every day he is living his dreams. he is living his dreams and i am still waiting for my life to begin. ain't life a b!tch?

i heard from my ex-coach. he lost his mother on new years day and he wanted to get me the information for her service. i do feel guilty about not going, but there is no reason to think that being around him is safe at this time. one of his old clients told me she is hesitant to attend as well, and will only attend if i do.

i am back on a regular training schedule. the shoulder injury remains and for the next little while i am avoiding direct delt training. shoulders is one of the areas that i need to focus on to help balance my physique, so the decision to not train them for a while is scary to say the least.

i am still trying to track down some information about employment opportunities in montreal. first and foremost i need an agency contact through which to seek work in my field. but mostly i need to find out about any possible language requirements. i can swear quite nicely in montreal's local version of french, but that skill set doesn't look good on a resume. my friend works in animation and when he moved there he didn't speak a word of french but he took classes and has since learned. the other 4 ontarians who went to montreal with him did not end up learning the language, so i guess in some fields bilingualism is not necessary??

well my friends alice is ducking back down the rabbit hole... until next time!!