happy new year!!!! this is the time of year when we should all take stock of our win/loss columns from the previous year and figure out how to get more in the win column.
i am coming of off a couple of challenging years and i think my loss column far exceeds my win. which by my own definition means i have much to fix or focus on for 2010. off the top of my head my employment situation, my knee injury, all the friends i have lost, my feelings self worth and my relationship with my family.
you would think that i'd be moved to focus on them all but i don't think having that many balls in the air is prudent. yes, we are by nature social animals and not having decent relations with friends and family is no way to live. however there is someone i miss, someone i want desperately to get back. i want the miche i used to be, the one who started this blog. the one who fell in love with the sport of competitive bb, who wanted to get bigger and stronger her way.
somewhere along the way i lost that miche. perhaps it was the struggle i've had with money and regular employ, maybe it was the scare from this injury, maybe it was because i've always been so damned focused on having everyone like me that i often feel i can't be myself. either way she is a little lost right now and only through focusing on the things i can change, can i get her back.
in 12 days the treatment starts for my knee, which should eventually allow me to begin to train again with a full ROM. allowing me to regain some of the lost size and strength in my legs. i was pretty freaking close to a 405 lb deadlift and i would really like to make that pull a reality.
there is the feeling that the joblessness will make a recovery in 2010 and i could find myself working regularly again. frankly i think i disagree with puffy, it has been my experience that it is less money, mo' problems.
my goals for 2010, i wouldn't even call them resolutions because they aren't, it's not like i am quitting smoking or resolving to lose weight. i am simply going to get back to training as i used to and find regular employ. those two things alone should greatly improve my feelings of self worth.
if my friend pool fills out or if i find people i can be myself around, then that is great. people who understand that i use a lot of humour, some of which is self-deprecating but i feel that if you can't laugh at yourself then you have no business laughing at anyone else. if you feel that you shouldn't be laughing at anyone, then realize you have just put the entire comedy industry on the unemployment line. remember that through humour, through looking at ourselves change for the better is often made. and sometimes... sh!t is just funny.
i wish happiness, health, love and success to everyone. may 2010 be your best year yet. it is going to be mine!!!!
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