the beat goes on

i believe the rib and vertabrae issues are behind me, (feverishly knocking on wood). i cannot put into words the relief that realization has brought to me and more importantly to my sanity. which means i am now back in the gym.

the decision to return to the gym was met with little enthusiasm by family and friend alike. while i am touched at the outpouring of care and support it is extremely difficult to explain, to those people, how hard it is on me when i can't train.

i am reminded of what my mother used to ask me back when i was a child. the poor woman could not understand how a daughter of hers seemingly could not sit still. she would frequently ask, "do you have ants?"

i am an athlete and i have that mindset. i need to compete and i need to train to compete.

periods of inactivity, especially when i feel healthy cause more stress than anything. people assume it means that i have little regard for the quality of my life when i am older. the truth of the matter is that i do care what kind of 'shape' i will be in... however i also have to be concerned with my quality of life and my sanity right now!

that said, i have made the best possible decision for a safe return to the gym. i am following a de-load training protocol. all exercise choices are machine based options. it is necessary to ensure that my back is fully supported during this time. i am also working a three set, ten rep scheme with poundages that i usually reserve for warm-ups. this conservative plan allows me to at least be doing something while i continue to heal. hopefully by next week i can train more effectively.

i should also mention that i shared this plan with my athletic therapist and she is in full support. i have been taking my aches and pains to her for about 15 years. an athletic therapist works to get the athlete back into game shape. through those 15 years i suffered three injuries in which she felt that time off  was necessary. it almost killed me to stop but i did it. it should go without saying that during my time off, she moved heaven and earth to get me back on my skates as quickly as possible. 

i tacked on 5 lbs during my time off. after two workouts and a return to a more responsible eating plan i am down about 3 lbs. go me!

no word yet from my doctor's office. that could mean that my doctor hasn't received my test results yet. it could also mean that the results are back but there is not need for action and/or concern. if i still haven't heard anything my next friday i will call her office and ask.

yesterday i was asked to fill-in for a vacationing co-worker. i was temporarily back on the account that i worked on previously. it went well up until about 2 pm when the woman on the afternoon shift started. 

i seriously can't figure that woman out. it has been 6 months since we have had to work together. if you recall quite mysteriously in late november she basically refused to speak to me. it made the work environment hostile. seeing as her and i were the only two artists on the account it made it even harder to get the job done.

there were several meetings between management and i as well as between management and her and still the hostility remained. when i was scheduled to be transferred off the account, she was all sweetness and light. one day back on the account and the b!tch was back!!

there was a lot of muttering and cursing when i finally got to my car that night. imagine the state of mind i would have been in if i hadn't gone to the gym to work it out.


edited to add:


just got the call from the doctor's office. the results are in, there is a very small umbilical hernia and there were no other areas of concern. clearly the 'whoosh' was nothing to worry about after all!! 

belly of the beast

well the past several days have been pretty interesting to say the least.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the mystery rib/vertabrae issue required one massage and three treatments before i was relatively pain-free. i spent the past weekend in bed and/or shuffling very stiffly around my home. and i was never too far away from my friend, mr. ice pack.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

monday morning, i had a doctor's appointment. i've noticed an oddity that i was hoping was not an umbilical hernia. unfortunately my doctor agrees with my diagnosis. damn! 

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the next course of action was to book an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis and to determine the treatment options. unless the hernia is severe or likely to cause an issue, they are typically left alone.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

in an interesting turn of events. there was some sort of 'whoosh' noise that my doctor heard in my abdomen. this sound caused her some concern. so much so, that i had yet to clear the waiting room before i was called back into her office. she wanted her colleague to have a listen.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the other doctor confirmed the 'whoosh' and poked at my 'hernia.' the ultrasound could also determine what could be causing that sound. i was told not to worry. umm... yeah... okay... sure.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

i had barely cleared the parking garage when i received a call from my doctor's office! my ultrasound appointment was scheduled for the next day!!! suffice it to say that i have been failing the "don't worry" direction... miserably.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

yesterday, i had the ultrasound and i have a question. why do all laboratory technicians have to look so damn concerned while they conduct tests? how the 'eff' am i supposed to stave the unrestrained panic... if the tech is staring at the monitor as though she sees something the likes of which she has never seen before?

oh and i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

twenty-four ribs and a b*tch is one

i am sitting here fairly carefully at my desk. i have been doing most things fairly carefully for the balance of this past week. why? well it would appear that i have been having some mystery issue with my skeletal system.

here is what i know. my last appearance on the gym floor was last week sunday and i had a pretty good back workout. monday i was fine and that night i was noticing some positive changes to my rear delts. i spent some time posing to see if the improvements transferred over to the mandatories. tuesday morning i woke up and i still felt fine.

it was a sloooooow day at work and they had me watching another employee to further my training. i remember struggling to remain awake and i was aware that i was not sitting properly in my chair. sometime around noon i became aware of some pretty crazy lower back pain. luckily i had a massage scheduled for that evening and i just applauded my good fortune.

as the day progressed that back pain worsened to the point where it was a struggle to find a comfortable position. my massage therapist found that i had a rib out of position and he hoped that during his treatment he would be able to re-position it. he was not successful. he then suggested that the chiropractor could 'pop' it back in for me. i will be honest i have zero interest in 'popping' anything attached to my skeletal system.

when i woke wednesday morning i was aware of two things. first, that i was not going to work in that condition and secondly that i needed to get in to see my athletic therapist pdq!!! her findings were a misplaced rib and three errant vertabrae. the lot of which she re-positioned, i felt some lingering pain but i felt a lot better than i had.

thursday found me back at work but i was not at all comfortable and as the day progressed my discomfort increased. i was smart enough to book a follow-up appointment for first thing friday morning.

would you believe that the errant rib was out of position again? forty-five minutes of treatment and i was on my way into work. stupid decision? yeah it likely was, i lasted all of 4 very uncomfortable hours before i was shuffling back to my car.

for the most part my days have been the same. i wake up feeling fairly decent and as the day progresses so does my discomfort. i have also been spending so far too much time on ice but when i am frozen i am pretty comfortable so it is hard to resist.

i am perplexed by this injury. i have no clue what caused it or why the damn rib will not stay in place.

i shall end my whine here with an official... this sucks!!!

the osterizer mix

well i should start off first by saying i am in a decidedly better place than the last time i blogged. being in a dark place was part of the reason i stopped blogging before. personally i do not enjoy conversations with people who are negative all the time, i am sure we have all come across those people who almost seem to revel in or just straight up embrace their negativity. since i find that i soon find reasons to avoid those people, i sure as hell don't want to be one of them.

further the constant blogging of my darker thoughts didn't help me any. i expected it would have given me some clarity that would have helped me break through my funk. i guess all i really needed was the time to work through my mood. either way i am not in that place now but i still would prefer to keep the mood here light. i likely will occasionally use this as my own private soap box but i will be the first to slam on the brakes if i don't like where i am headed.

now onto the better stuff. through the encouragement of the bloke i have been working on my first foray into fanfiction. you may have even read my initial attempt if you were paying attention during my 30-day writing challenge. the bloke and a fanfiction writer have both inspired to take my tale to its logical end.

would you believe that story of mine is now 13 pages long? it is currently in the final stages of editing and i hope that i will be in a postion to share it with interested readers before too long. i also hope that i have the cajones to share it as well but that is another matter entirely.

i am happy with what i have written, i am kind of proud of myself for having done it as well. mostly i am surprised that i could do it. i would encourage everyone to put themselves in a position to grow and to be amazed by what you can do. when you succeed it is a truly wonderful feeling.

the success of my first fiction attempt has prompted a few separate ideas for additional pieces of fiction; one about basketball my lastest distraction, another story written in the 'in death' universe and finally a single character that i don't believe i can incorporate into either of the aforementioned story ideas.

of the three, the 'in death' piece might be the 'easiest' to write since i will again be borrowing characters already established. that is not to say that another 'in death' fanfic won't have a new challenge for me to tackle. generally the homicide(s) are quite gruesome and the author usually goes into detail about the scene that the good lieutenant walks in to. i didn't have the confidence to attempt that and i avoided it in my first fanfic. i plan on challenging myself to write the gruesome the next time i borrow the author's universe.

the other ideas are 'scary' in their own right because this time i will be undertaking the challenge of creating my own universe, characters and the like. 

go me!

the scales of injustice.

i was in a good mood when i got home from the gym. my brother and i were having a pretty decent conversation in the kitchen as well. it is about 30 minutes later and my mood has hit the shitter.

my mother was pissed off at my father and she pulled me into my bedroom to tell me all about it... from her side of course. i am not saying my father is not without fault. i am saying both my parents are master manipulators they just have two equally sneaky ways of accomplishing it.

my mother takes the more direct approach. she complains loudly to anyone who will listen about the years of unfair treatment she has had to endure from my father. my father takes the silent martyr role. i am sure his approach is to have people feel sorry for him for his wife's shrewish behaviour.

today after she told me her grievance and was almost in tears, she wants me to tell her if i thought my father's behaved fairly.

any idea how awkward it is to basically be forced to choose between your parents?

i do.

p.s: i apologize for today's blog. i am sure it is written poorly and i should spend more time on the edit but frankly i am still kind of pissed off... so maybe later.

clean up on aisle seven

i was recently in the grocery store to pick up a few staples. i am by design anti-shopping cart. i never purchase enough things to necessitate using a cart and frankly i think the basket allows a certain manoeuverability that gets me in an out of the stores quickly!! 

as i was saying i was in the grocery store and like most stores they no longer deal in just groceries. i cut through the clothing department and as i happened to glance downwards i stopped myself from stepping on a young child who was sprawled on the floor. she laid out almost as though she were at home watching t.v. there were no parents in the immediate vicinity and the child didn't seem particularly concerned. 

i kept walking, since my love for children is well known i hasten to add that i did adjust my path so as not to cause the lounging child an injury. a few racks later i came upon a mother pushing a cart loaded with food and yet another small child. the mother looked over her right shoulder and it occurred to me that she was looking for the youngster working on her roadkill impersonation. as i got closer i said, "about two rows back, flat on her back on the floor." i wasn't looking to bond with the woman... i was just trying to do what i  considered to be my civic duty. however mom felt the need to defend herself and said, "you know what? if we don't walk away she just won't–" 

i never did figure out what she wouldn't do and frankly couldn't care less. as far as i am concerned it was none of my business. it wasn't the fact that i kept walking why i never heard the rest of her sentence but rather it was at that moment her child decided to let out an ear-piercing shriek as though she was being flayed alive.

what happened between the two of them after that i really have no idea. i was practically in a sprint after the kid started screaming... i figured it was better i was as far away as possible should i be overcome with the desire to smother the little POS.

the over saturation of social media

it wasn't that long ago that i closed the proverbial door on my myspace page. an activity that was a long time coming. i honestly couldn't recall the last time i had logged onto myspace and frankly i was getting tired of the spam-mails. it took a herculean effort to rid myself of myspace and i went through the procedure to delete my account for several weeks before it finally worked.

some days i feel like facebook is next on my hit-list.

there are the 'pluses'. the people who live far away who's posts and pictures are our sole means of contact and the special interest groups that i am actually interested in.

there are the 'cons'. the people who post every single thought and opinion they have. the drama kings and queens who constantly cry wolf for attention. the wanna-be dj's who post a barrage of music video's that they enjoy. the nutritionally reformed, a select few that have had some dietary success. they proceed to litter their time lines with the nutritional content of junk food, pictures of healthy meals 'we all should be eating'. pardon me for thinking that you need to walk the walk for more than a few months before you start preaching.

and be wary of how much you share.

there was a person on my time line who decided to diet and posted progress pictures to track their weight loss. i don't have a problem with progress pics, i use that technique myself. i am fairly confident that i wouldn't be posting my starting pics on social media but to each their own. i was quite surprised to see them in almost all of their glory and i further thought that was some pretty fearless behaviour. it turns out the person didn't realize how public posting pics in your knickers on facebook can be.

surprise!!!

and while i am astride my soap box... when it comes to progress pictures i really wish folks didn't deem it necessary to bend their elbows at odd angles. i understand that they think they are flexing but there really is much more to it than making fists and bending your elbows. the term flex actually refers to the active muscular contraction of a given muscle group or groups.

and does anybody else hate the 'like' feature as much as i do? i am not talking about how you can like a comment or picture but rather the list down the side that tells you that your friend penelope* likes peas. i mean really... who gives a ??

* the use of penelope was merely as an example and i apologize for misrepresenting any penelopes on your time lines. particularly those who are either ambivalent or grossly anti-pea

karma chameleon

i've been quiet for the last little while. it hasn't been because i haven't had anything on my mind. it also hasn't been because i have been particularly busy or distracted by other things. although i will add that the wnba season has kicked into high gear and wnba live access has kept me hopping.

sometimes a subject comes up that i don't want to discuss in this somewhat open forum. but my muse, if i can claim to have one, is as stubborn as i am and clearly that is the only subject rattling around between my ears.

a couple weeks ago i was involved in a conversation about someone who i used to know. a person who i strongly feel misrepresented themselves as a friend due to some misguided belief about what i could do for them. i truly believe that i am the kind of person who would 'help' someone if i could simply because that is the kind of person i am. so the need to feign friendship offends me.

through the proverbial grapevine i've learned that i was not the only step on their ladder to 'success.' several years have past since we were quasi friends and i've learned that since then the discarded bodies continue to amass.

i am familiar with the concept of karma but i can't say that i believe in it or that i have seen it at work. i have seen some really fundamentally sh*tty things happen to some really wonderful people and i have seen some folks who live with little regard for others getting their hearts desire.

interestingly the person who i was speaking with was trying desperately to convince me of the validity of karma. i say it was interesting because a few minutes later he was telling me of some fairly shady behaviour of his own and frankly he was just a little proud of himself for it. methinks he needs to rethink his stand on karma.

to put it another way he better hope that karma is bollocks!! otherwise pestilence and scurvy are headed his way.