this my friends is the interesting part of the journey. this is the part that, if you allow me the use of an old cliche is, seperates the mice from the men. the carb cycling, the lower calories, the training, et al have netted me with the most interesting of feelings. monday worked out to be a day without carbs and it was still my quad day. so there i was running on empty but still doing two squat variations.
well i woke up tuesday and i was not myself. even though i got carbs that day i was still a mess. standing, walking you name it every activity was carried out as though i was standing on the deck of a small boat floating in rough water. i soldiered through one of the most challenging cardio sessions of my life. i literally felt like i might fall and just trying to co-ordinate my legs was something else entirely.
in fact tuesday evening i went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine to thank one of my friends for his help with my bike purchase. best guess, i think i made it all of 20 feet from the front of the store before i was standing over a $33 puddle of wine. one second i was holding onto the bag and the next i just let it go. so back into the LCBO i went for another $33 bottle.
wednesday was a follow up with my nutritionist. its not suprising to find that he still has a battalion of other 'tricks' to help dial me in. i am currently 12lbs less than when i started and i have also lost about 7% of body fat. i expect that i will be somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13% by the time the show rolls around. cardio twice a day has started now... yippee! as well i've also started back in the phone booth, time to lay down the base colour before the show.
i am proud of a few things. they are small changes in the grand scheme of things, but they are huge for me. i have been going into the studio at the gym on my cardio only days and i have been practicing my posing and my routine. there is just way more room there than in my bedroom at home. i am trying to force myself to ignore the curious onlookers. also i have started to do the cardio in my tank again. simply because i am that flipping warm, i am still suffering from 'smallness' but the desire not to pass out from overheating is superseding my feelings of inadequacy. the kicker is i have sort of invited 2 people to the show and told another i was doing it.
why? well my coach, i strongly believe, has told half of the free world and wether i like it or not there are going to be way more members of my gym at the show that day. bodybuilding fans??? nope just curious onlookers. so i figure since i already have all these people coming... what difference does it make. if i crash and burn like i normally do in competition in front of friends and family well then the more the merrier... cuz trust me nobody crashes and burns as entertaining as i do. i believe ESPN probably still has the footage!
today is friday and i can honestly say its the best my legs have felt in days however, i am still feeling like a marionette... as though someone else was pulling the strings that operate my legs.
i am the warrior
2 comments:
just read the latest/caught up... what a journey you are on my friend! now i don't want to hear you making those crash-n-burn statements.... i know they are semi poking fun but I know the origins w/ you (cause you've told me). Put those feelings aside, it's time to get past them! You are older now, possibly wiser & you are def'ly stronger.... now grow a pair & kick some ass!!!
check your e as I'll be send ing ya 1!
well my friend, i have this to say about that... wisdom does not necessarily come with age and the more things change the more they stay the same.
hopefully i can write a new ending... but there lies the possiblity as well that the song will remain the same.
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