status quo??

i guess i've let a month lapse since my last posting and i really should update this thing. part of the reason why i am hesitant to post is that i am tired of continually posting bad news. as well i was also well and truly tired of dealing with it all.

i guess that would suggest that things are better now. i guess in some respects they are and in others... well it's not exactly status quo, so i guess that is an improvment after all??

i have been working 7 day work weeks for the past month. some days i am so tired that i can barely see straight. i'm currently working on a freelance project where i routinely put in, in excess of 40 hours per week. i will get paid hourly, when i do get paid. so all the hours amassed will go far towards getting me back on track, but first i have to get paid!

my weekend clients have yet to fully understand the gravity of my situation. there are frequent 'no shows' and last minute cancellations. once upon a time i was 'nice' and i allowed my clients to cancel with out charge, the morning of the appointment. that is likely the reason why i ended up in the boat that i am in. the gym had a 24-hour policy there to protect me and i was stupid enough not to take advantage of it. since i am desperately counting on the weekend income, to help keep me from living completly off my retired parents, i am no longer 'nice'.

finally, and i do mean finally, i have never heard of quite so many false starts and set backs as i faced while trying to get a debt consolidation loan. but finally the loan came through and the biggest and baddest of all my debts have been addressed. unfortunately the terms of the loan looked greater than what i could afford and i feared i had stepped from the frying pan into the fire. it's designed to take 5 years to pay off and i am not retired from competition until 2013. i'm sorry, this may be the wrong attitude but 5 years off, sounds like it's over to me. anyway, i was so upset by the loan details that i promptly backed my truck into a light post and damaged the rear bumper. damage i might add, that i am in no position to repair.

my body weight shot to an all-time high. i wasn't suprised by it, i mean i have been going through my own version of hell and i have been continually drownding my sorrows in tim horton's cookies. in the last week since things have been a bit more stable, i've stayed away from the cookie tray and my weight dropped several pounds.

it's funny, i can handle the body weight. i don't like what i see on the scale, but i can deal. i can deal with the frequent back pain that i face when i'm up this high. again i don't enjoy it. i can tolerate the rolls around my mid section and my ever expanding azz. i don't love it, but it doesn't upset me. what upsets me is what happens to my chest when i am carrying too much body fat. this lactating look has got to go. i cannot stand it when my girls call unneccessary attention to themselves. i am so much happier when i am weeks out from a show and the fawkin' things are basically deflated.

and in the words of the crew at merry melodies... tha-tha-that's all folks!!