the magical law of murphy

my mother is of island heritage and although she has been here for quite some time, she still finds it cold during the fall and winter months. many years ago i happened upon holiday theme sweat suits and i would purchased them for her christmas gifts. over the years it has become harder to find these suits. so for the past couple of years i have taken to purchasing coordinating separates, (the holiday themed sweat shirt with a matching sweat pant).

last christmas i bought my mother 2 new sets. although she was very pleased christmas morning i noticed that she only ever wore one of them. it turns out she was hesitant to wear the second set because the sweat shirt was white. it has a snow family motiif complete with faux diamond eyes. i know what your thinking, but sadly my mother loves that crap; the faux stones, the sparkly bits, embroidery, glitter and sprinkles.

i proceeded to give her the business for not wearing the other outfit. she claimed that it was, 'too nice to wear around the house' and she worried she would get it dirty. i reminded her that i bought the outfit for her to wear. i did not buy it for her to adorn the hangers in the closet and that if it got dirty it could always be washed.

so a couple weeks later i notice that my mother was finally wearing the white sweat shirt. she decided to put it on after she got home from church. i made sure she knew that i noticed she had it on and she seemed pleased that i had. upon closer inspection i noticed a orange smudge on her chest.

i have to tell you that i was undecided as to how to handle it. eventually i grabbed the bull by the horns and said "by the way mom...". which was about all i got out before she snapped that, 'she knew she had already soiled her new top. and how it was exactly the reason why she didn't want to wear it in the first place'. i learned that i MADE her put it on and it was my fault that she had smeared her make-up onto it. furthermore if any of the faux diamonds came off while she was washing it, i was going to be choked out.

so flash forward a couple months and only the second time my mother had put the set on. she had invited my brother and his wife over to the house for dinner. i was in my room when i heard this commotion coming from the dining room. my father and my brother were desperately trying to get my attention. it seems that whilst enjoying her dinner, a piece of gravy covered chicken launched itself from my mothers fork. and, you guessed it, landed smack dab in the middle of her shirt.

i went out to take a look and my mother was sitting at the table fuming. she had this giant brown smear on her stomach. i looked at her, she glared at me and i backed away slowly.