usually when i sit down to compose a blog entry either the title is already in my head or at the very least i have a vague idea what im going to be on about. today however, is not like that.
things are definately more tricky at this point. i seem to be okay when i get up in the morning... sure my balance is a bit off but i do seem to be able exhibit some motor control. post gym however my balance and motor control seems to be, well... how can i put this eloquently??? for sh*t. it is my best guess that there are some horrified people at tim horton's in the mornings. i just know they are disgusted that i am clearly drunk at 8:00 am.
i went to a opa show last saturday. i went with some new 'old' friends. new in the sense that was the first we've met, but old in the sense that we have been online friends for some time. i think that is why i felt like i was spending sometime with old friends.
the show was long. i was frustrated by the number of figure competitors and their ridiculous class distinctions; figure short, figure medium, figure medium tall and figure tall. ok people what da azz if medium tall? its like watching a physique contest at starbucks. really what is next? figure short medium??? anyway as luck would have it we ended up leaving before we even got to see the mens middleweight bodybuilding class. it was already almost 11pm and i had to train and work in the morning.
as for the rest of it... well i didnt tell the other women with me but watching the show yesterday really kind of wigged me out. i started to get nervous... i started to wonder about my decision to compete. i never wanted to be small on stage and yesterday i realized that i don't look any bigger than the women i intended to be bigger than.
also for the first time in a really long time i shot some progress pics. i was really hoping that the pics would recover my fallen ego... i guess that was the reason why i hadn't been taking pics of late. my fallen ego remains... in a pile of ashes. i think i will share the pics with a few of my online buds... i think i need a healthy dose of blown sunshine to help me recover my confidence. everyone keeps telling me to wait till the morning of, after i fill back out... but at this point i just can't see how i am going to look any way other than tiny.
finally i found out that one of my friends has made the decisions to share with some people my decision to compete. i am pissed about that. the decision who to share this information with is mine. bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions.
since i know that there is a faction of society who equates bodybuilding with drug usage i am careful who i trust with the information that i am stepping into the realm of competitive bodybuilding. i guess it all boils down to me not wanting some think they know it all azz monkey assuming im taking this or that because they only know of one side of the sport.
hell my family doesn't even know and they are front line in dealing with the brunt of my funky moods. had a doozy rockin' today too. my coach thinks they should be told... i think its a bad idea. fawk, we are into the home stretch now... all they have to do is sit tight a little while longer and it will all be over.
2 comments:
you might want to let your guard down and trust people once in awhile. maybe even your family.
true, the decision is yours on who you tell but "bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions." ?????? kind of like life, isn't it? way to generalize. oh, and believe it or not, people may know more about you than you think. so you might as well not hide things so you don't get caught up in lies. i've actually known about you for a while now. one of my best friends is neighbors with renaldo gairy. small world, isn't it?
be proud of what you do. if someone is going to base a false opinion because of what you do and assume then are they really worth having as friends? true friends wouldn't. kinda like rollerblading don't you think? also, isn't that kinda what you're doing by having the assumptions that you do about your "friends"?
anyway, i'm bummed on your opinions and actions. don't take this the wrong way, but grow up.
good luck.
i know this; i don't know your best friend and google tells me that although i have seen your best friends neighbour on a fame poster or two i don't know him either. so i really have no clue what it is you have 'known for a while now'.
now i ask you where did letting my guard down and trusting people get me? because what has me annoyed is the fact that i trusted someone who let me down. someone who knew from the beginning that i did not wish to have my goals become a matter of public record.
i dont really expect you to understand. you are not me, you have not walked a mile in my shoes, you have not been there to hear the comments made by some of my friends and family about bodybuilders and the sport itself.
and yes ridiculous conclusions. i've had to explain to people that a protein shake is not steroids, that by drinking a shake i am not doing something unnatural or cheating. there is more but since you already don't get it, maybe i should just leave it be.
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