there is no spoon

of late i've started to notice how live is actually a lot like the matrix trilogy... or maybe it's just my life? when the final movie came out alot of people were disgusted to find that it essentially ended exactly where the first one began.

i can see how as an audience we are frustrated by not having a story that was tidied up nicely. but i can see to that many of us live in circles. what was old, became new again. lifestyles put behind us are embraced again.

i live in my own circle. the more i change the more ultimately, i stay exactly the same. i've always lived a very 'safe' existance. now those of you who know of the years skating, skiing, alpine racing, snowboarding and now motorcycling riding... well you might feel the need to challenge that statement but trust me, it is true.

perhaps one of the many things that may have kept me from the upperechelon of rollerblading was my inability to step too far outside my box. i skated safe and in by doing so, i never really had the 'success' that i might have. in rollerblading fear breeds failure... or at the very least it can get you hurt! when i was racing my 'success' stalled when i was unable to 'push it' enough to get to the next level.

what about now? well there are those who believe that i am capable of far more than i have achieved thus far on the gym floor. that i can move much more weight than i give myself credit for. that may veryily well be true... it would be classic miche. even when i look like i am leaping far outside my box... it is a measured risk.

so if i myself cannot leave my past behind... then i can not be suprised when others can't leave their pasts behind either.

my friend in jersey is proud of me for many things, one of which is venturing outside of my box. i wonder though, am i really outside of it? or is it that i am just pushing the walls a little... so that the box itself is getting a little bigger?

i am not a religious lass... but i do hope that there is something in this universe that will protect us all from the choices we insist on reliving.

please be safe