puttin' on my big girl pants

i suppose after the subject of my previous blog post any mention of undergarments might be a tad alarming. however i assure you that this post has nothing to do with any wardrobe malfunctions or missteps. so what the dickens am i on about now? i merely refer to my first fan-fiction attempt and the steps i have taken to 'get it out there.'

a few months back i wrote my first attempt at fan-fiction and after i shared it i was encouraged to continue the story to its logical end. to date the only one who has read the completed piece is the bloke, as he has been kind enough to edit it for me.

even though the fic is still somewhat un-edited i decided to take a chance and share it. i really want to get some feedback and constructive criticism. the bloke with his pom-poms held high assures me that folks will be impressed. however as i am a natural born pessimist i am fully prepared for folks to tell me to take up knitting!

about 3 copies went out to people who actually like me but the big girl pants refers to the requests i sent to other fic writers, strangers if you will... to see if they might be interested in taking a peek. i have yet to hear back but not everyone spends as much time online as i do.

regardless of how the fic writers respond to my first attempt i will applaud myself for taking yet another important step. a step outside of my comfort zone.

i don't want to belong to any club...

it is said that when offered a friar's club membership, groucho marx sent a letter with the following reply, "i don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." the first time that i heard that quote i thought it was funny, but i never really thought about what it might mean.

well that was until last saturday.

last saturday i noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk by the gym. for reasons unknown she was wearing a bra... no shirt... just a bra... not a bra top... again, just a bra.

can you imagine my surprise when i noticed she was headed towards the front door of the gym! it was one of the members of the gym! i remember hoping that she didn't plan on training in her underwear but alas she did.

i am amazed that it never occurred to her to put on a shirt, tank top, sweater vest, etc... current bra designs make use of a sheer cup. sheer is never opaque. if it is not opaque it is see through!!

it was further amazing to me that her clothing choice was not challenged. especially since the staff member working that day was also female. if i was still working there i would have told her to put on a damn shirt or tossed her half-nekkid ass out!!

there has been such a rampant display of stupidity on the gym floor of late. and i find that i now appreciate that marx quote on a whole other level.

the beast turns

from time to time i suppose i can be a little bit of a gym bully. according to the bloke last sunday was one of those times.

when i first joined the gym there were rules and they were enforced! one of the rules regarded the 'grunting' that some lifters feel is more a part of the culture than the exercise themselves. now while i can understand why it is hard to perform a 800 lb deadlift quietly. i similarly can't understand why a grown-ass man on the leg press with 3 plates aside, has to scream as though he is being violated by the lifers in cell block 8.

when the 'trainer to the stars' first started working out of the gym, he brought in a contingent of 'competitors' who basically got the grunting thing going. not to be outdone the wannabe's and general ass hats soon leapt into the fray.

turning up the volume on my mp3 player was not enough to drown out the braying. i eventually had to purchase a headphone adapter that had a separate volume control. now i could turn my music up to eleven* (high-five to all of you who got the spinal tap reference).

sometimes even with my music at ear-bleeding volumes i could still hear the ass hats. it was a very frustrating time. due to a situation beyond his control the 'trainer to the stars' left the gym and i had hoped his posse would leave as well. that wasn't the case and the wailing continues.

sunday one of the guys i know was working out at the cable station beside me. he was performing tricep pushdowns and even though he wasn't lifting all that heavy he began to drowned out my music. at the end of my set i walked over to where he was and we exchanged greetings. i pulled out my mp3 player and i asked him to do me a favour. i asked him to make "...that sound again." i believe it was with some pride he clarified, "you mean my grunt?" and long story short i had him grunt repeatedly while i kept turning up the volume on my player. when i finally couldn't hear him anymore i said "thank you" and returned to my workout.

when i told the bloke that story last night at the gym. he confirmed that i was indeed a gym bully. he also bust a gut laughing so clearly he is no angel either.

but as far as i am concerned it was the best possible solution buddy could continue to bellow like a stuck calf and i didn't have to listen to him. i just think it was important for him to realize that his behaviour is annoying... and if he stops all the better!

gym bullies unite!!

the beat goes on

i believe the rib and vertabrae issues are behind me, (feverishly knocking on wood). i cannot put into words the relief that realization has brought to me and more importantly to my sanity. which means i am now back in the gym.

the decision to return to the gym was met with little enthusiasm by family and friend alike. while i am touched at the outpouring of care and support it is extremely difficult to explain, to those people, how hard it is on me when i can't train.

i am reminded of what my mother used to ask me back when i was a child. the poor woman could not understand how a daughter of hers seemingly could not sit still. she would frequently ask, "do you have ants?"

i am an athlete and i have that mindset. i need to compete and i need to train to compete.

periods of inactivity, especially when i feel healthy cause more stress than anything. people assume it means that i have little regard for the quality of my life when i am older. the truth of the matter is that i do care what kind of 'shape' i will be in... however i also have to be concerned with my quality of life and my sanity right now!

that said, i have made the best possible decision for a safe return to the gym. i am following a de-load training protocol. all exercise choices are machine based options. it is necessary to ensure that my back is fully supported during this time. i am also working a three set, ten rep scheme with poundages that i usually reserve for warm-ups. this conservative plan allows me to at least be doing something while i continue to heal. hopefully by next week i can train more effectively.

i should also mention that i shared this plan with my athletic therapist and she is in full support. i have been taking my aches and pains to her for about 15 years. an athletic therapist works to get the athlete back into game shape. through those 15 years i suffered three injuries in which she felt that time off  was necessary. it almost killed me to stop but i did it. it should go without saying that during my time off, she moved heaven and earth to get me back on my skates as quickly as possible. 

i tacked on 5 lbs during my time off. after two workouts and a return to a more responsible eating plan i am down about 3 lbs. go me!

no word yet from my doctor's office. that could mean that my doctor hasn't received my test results yet. it could also mean that the results are back but there is not need for action and/or concern. if i still haven't heard anything my next friday i will call her office and ask.

yesterday i was asked to fill-in for a vacationing co-worker. i was temporarily back on the account that i worked on previously. it went well up until about 2 pm when the woman on the afternoon shift started. 

i seriously can't figure that woman out. it has been 6 months since we have had to work together. if you recall quite mysteriously in late november she basically refused to speak to me. it made the work environment hostile. seeing as her and i were the only two artists on the account it made it even harder to get the job done.

there were several meetings between management and i as well as between management and her and still the hostility remained. when i was scheduled to be transferred off the account, she was all sweetness and light. one day back on the account and the b!tch was back!!

there was a lot of muttering and cursing when i finally got to my car that night. imagine the state of mind i would have been in if i hadn't gone to the gym to work it out.


edited to add:


just got the call from the doctor's office. the results are in, there is a very small umbilical hernia and there were no other areas of concern. clearly the 'whoosh' was nothing to worry about after all!! 

belly of the beast

well the past several days have been pretty interesting to say the least.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the mystery rib/vertabrae issue required one massage and three treatments before i was relatively pain-free. i spent the past weekend in bed and/or shuffling very stiffly around my home. and i was never too far away from my friend, mr. ice pack.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

monday morning, i had a doctor's appointment. i've noticed an oddity that i was hoping was not an umbilical hernia. unfortunately my doctor agrees with my diagnosis. damn! 

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the next course of action was to book an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis and to determine the treatment options. unless the hernia is severe or likely to cause an issue, they are typically left alone.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

in an interesting turn of events. there was some sort of 'whoosh' noise that my doctor heard in my abdomen. this sound caused her some concern. so much so, that i had yet to clear the waiting room before i was called back into her office. she wanted her colleague to have a listen.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the other doctor confirmed the 'whoosh' and poked at my 'hernia.' the ultrasound could also determine what could be causing that sound. i was told not to worry. umm... yeah... okay... sure.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

i had barely cleared the parking garage when i received a call from my doctor's office! my ultrasound appointment was scheduled for the next day!!! suffice it to say that i have been failing the "don't worry" direction... miserably.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

yesterday, i had the ultrasound and i have a question. why do all laboratory technicians have to look so damn concerned while they conduct tests? how the 'eff' am i supposed to stave the unrestrained panic... if the tech is staring at the monitor as though she sees something the likes of which she has never seen before?

oh and i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

twenty-four ribs and a b*tch is one

i am sitting here fairly carefully at my desk. i have been doing most things fairly carefully for the balance of this past week. why? well it would appear that i have been having some mystery issue with my skeletal system.

here is what i know. my last appearance on the gym floor was last week sunday and i had a pretty good back workout. monday i was fine and that night i was noticing some positive changes to my rear delts. i spent some time posing to see if the improvements transferred over to the mandatories. tuesday morning i woke up and i still felt fine.

it was a sloooooow day at work and they had me watching another employee to further my training. i remember struggling to remain awake and i was aware that i was not sitting properly in my chair. sometime around noon i became aware of some pretty crazy lower back pain. luckily i had a massage scheduled for that evening and i just applauded my good fortune.

as the day progressed that back pain worsened to the point where it was a struggle to find a comfortable position. my massage therapist found that i had a rib out of position and he hoped that during his treatment he would be able to re-position it. he was not successful. he then suggested that the chiropractor could 'pop' it back in for me. i will be honest i have zero interest in 'popping' anything attached to my skeletal system.

when i woke wednesday morning i was aware of two things. first, that i was not going to work in that condition and secondly that i needed to get in to see my athletic therapist pdq!!! her findings were a misplaced rib and three errant vertabrae. the lot of which she re-positioned, i felt some lingering pain but i felt a lot better than i had.

thursday found me back at work but i was not at all comfortable and as the day progressed my discomfort increased. i was smart enough to book a follow-up appointment for first thing friday morning.

would you believe that the errant rib was out of position again? forty-five minutes of treatment and i was on my way into work. stupid decision? yeah it likely was, i lasted all of 4 very uncomfortable hours before i was shuffling back to my car.

for the most part my days have been the same. i wake up feeling fairly decent and as the day progresses so does my discomfort. i have also been spending so far too much time on ice but when i am frozen i am pretty comfortable so it is hard to resist.

i am perplexed by this injury. i have no clue what caused it or why the damn rib will not stay in place.

i shall end my whine here with an official... this sucks!!!

the osterizer mix

well i should start off first by saying i am in a decidedly better place than the last time i blogged. being in a dark place was part of the reason i stopped blogging before. personally i do not enjoy conversations with people who are negative all the time, i am sure we have all come across those people who almost seem to revel in or just straight up embrace their negativity. since i find that i soon find reasons to avoid those people, i sure as hell don't want to be one of them.

further the constant blogging of my darker thoughts didn't help me any. i expected it would have given me some clarity that would have helped me break through my funk. i guess all i really needed was the time to work through my mood. either way i am not in that place now but i still would prefer to keep the mood here light. i likely will occasionally use this as my own private soap box but i will be the first to slam on the brakes if i don't like where i am headed.

now onto the better stuff. through the encouragement of the bloke i have been working on my first foray into fanfiction. you may have even read my initial attempt if you were paying attention during my 30-day writing challenge. the bloke and a fanfiction writer have both inspired to take my tale to its logical end.

would you believe that story of mine is now 13 pages long? it is currently in the final stages of editing and i hope that i will be in a postion to share it with interested readers before too long. i also hope that i have the cajones to share it as well but that is another matter entirely.

i am happy with what i have written, i am kind of proud of myself for having done it as well. mostly i am surprised that i could do it. i would encourage everyone to put themselves in a position to grow and to be amazed by what you can do. when you succeed it is a truly wonderful feeling.

the success of my first fiction attempt has prompted a few separate ideas for additional pieces of fiction; one about basketball my lastest distraction, another story written in the 'in death' universe and finally a single character that i don't believe i can incorporate into either of the aforementioned story ideas.

of the three, the 'in death' piece might be the 'easiest' to write since i will again be borrowing characters already established. that is not to say that another 'in death' fanfic won't have a new challenge for me to tackle. generally the homicide(s) are quite gruesome and the author usually goes into detail about the scene that the good lieutenant walks in to. i didn't have the confidence to attempt that and i avoided it in my first fanfic. i plan on challenging myself to write the gruesome the next time i borrow the author's universe.

the other ideas are 'scary' in their own right because this time i will be undertaking the challenge of creating my own universe, characters and the like. 

go me!

the scales of injustice.

i was in a good mood when i got home from the gym. my brother and i were having a pretty decent conversation in the kitchen as well. it is about 30 minutes later and my mood has hit the shitter.

my mother was pissed off at my father and she pulled me into my bedroom to tell me all about it... from her side of course. i am not saying my father is not without fault. i am saying both my parents are master manipulators they just have two equally sneaky ways of accomplishing it.

my mother takes the more direct approach. she complains loudly to anyone who will listen about the years of unfair treatment she has had to endure from my father. my father takes the silent martyr role. i am sure his approach is to have people feel sorry for him for his wife's shrewish behaviour.

today after she told me her grievance and was almost in tears, she wants me to tell her if i thought my father's behaved fairly.

any idea how awkward it is to basically be forced to choose between your parents?

i do.

p.s: i apologize for today's blog. i am sure it is written poorly and i should spend more time on the edit but frankly i am still kind of pissed off... so maybe later.

clean up on aisle seven

i was recently in the grocery store to pick up a few staples. i am by design anti-shopping cart. i never purchase enough things to necessitate using a cart and frankly i think the basket allows a certain manoeuverability that gets me in an out of the stores quickly!! 

as i was saying i was in the grocery store and like most stores they no longer deal in just groceries. i cut through the clothing department and as i happened to glance downwards i stopped myself from stepping on a young child who was sprawled on the floor. she laid out almost as though she were at home watching t.v. there were no parents in the immediate vicinity and the child didn't seem particularly concerned. 

i kept walking, since my love for children is well known i hasten to add that i did adjust my path so as not to cause the lounging child an injury. a few racks later i came upon a mother pushing a cart loaded with food and yet another small child. the mother looked over her right shoulder and it occurred to me that she was looking for the youngster working on her roadkill impersonation. as i got closer i said, "about two rows back, flat on her back on the floor." i wasn't looking to bond with the woman... i was just trying to do what i  considered to be my civic duty. however mom felt the need to defend herself and said, "you know what? if we don't walk away she just won't–" 

i never did figure out what she wouldn't do and frankly couldn't care less. as far as i am concerned it was none of my business. it wasn't the fact that i kept walking why i never heard the rest of her sentence but rather it was at that moment her child decided to let out an ear-piercing shriek as though she was being flayed alive.

what happened between the two of them after that i really have no idea. i was practically in a sprint after the kid started screaming... i figured it was better i was as far away as possible should i be overcome with the desire to smother the little POS.

the over saturation of social media

it wasn't that long ago that i closed the proverbial door on my myspace page. an activity that was a long time coming. i honestly couldn't recall the last time i had logged onto myspace and frankly i was getting tired of the spam-mails. it took a herculean effort to rid myself of myspace and i went through the procedure to delete my account for several weeks before it finally worked.

some days i feel like facebook is next on my hit-list.

there are the 'pluses'. the people who live far away who's posts and pictures are our sole means of contact and the special interest groups that i am actually interested in.

there are the 'cons'. the people who post every single thought and opinion they have. the drama kings and queens who constantly cry wolf for attention. the wanna-be dj's who post a barrage of music video's that they enjoy. the nutritionally reformed, a select few that have had some dietary success. they proceed to litter their time lines with the nutritional content of junk food, pictures of healthy meals 'we all should be eating'. pardon me for thinking that you need to walk the walk for more than a few months before you start preaching.

and be wary of how much you share.

there was a person on my time line who decided to diet and posted progress pictures to track their weight loss. i don't have a problem with progress pics, i use that technique myself. i am fairly confident that i wouldn't be posting my starting pics on social media but to each their own. i was quite surprised to see them in almost all of their glory and i further thought that was some pretty fearless behaviour. it turns out the person didn't realize how public posting pics in your knickers on facebook can be.

surprise!!!

and while i am astride my soap box... when it comes to progress pictures i really wish folks didn't deem it necessary to bend their elbows at odd angles. i understand that they think they are flexing but there really is much more to it than making fists and bending your elbows. the term flex actually refers to the active muscular contraction of a given muscle group or groups.

and does anybody else hate the 'like' feature as much as i do? i am not talking about how you can like a comment or picture but rather the list down the side that tells you that your friend penelope* likes peas. i mean really... who gives a ??

* the use of penelope was merely as an example and i apologize for misrepresenting any penelopes on your time lines. particularly those who are either ambivalent or grossly anti-pea

karma chameleon

i've been quiet for the last little while. it hasn't been because i haven't had anything on my mind. it also hasn't been because i have been particularly busy or distracted by other things. although i will add that the wnba season has kicked into high gear and wnba live access has kept me hopping.

sometimes a subject comes up that i don't want to discuss in this somewhat open forum. but my muse, if i can claim to have one, is as stubborn as i am and clearly that is the only subject rattling around between my ears.

a couple weeks ago i was involved in a conversation about someone who i used to know. a person who i strongly feel misrepresented themselves as a friend due to some misguided belief about what i could do for them. i truly believe that i am the kind of person who would 'help' someone if i could simply because that is the kind of person i am. so the need to feign friendship offends me.

through the proverbial grapevine i've learned that i was not the only step on their ladder to 'success.' several years have past since we were quasi friends and i've learned that since then the discarded bodies continue to amass.

i am familiar with the concept of karma but i can't say that i believe in it or that i have seen it at work. i have seen some really fundamentally sh*tty things happen to some really wonderful people and i have seen some folks who live with little regard for others getting their hearts desire.

interestingly the person who i was speaking with was trying desperately to convince me of the validity of karma. i say it was interesting because a few minutes later he was telling me of some fairly shady behaviour of his own and frankly he was just a little proud of himself for it. methinks he needs to rethink his stand on karma.

to put it another way he better hope that karma is bollocks!! otherwise pestilence and scurvy are headed his way.

once more unto the breach

i've just had the last in the series of three acu-stim quad treatments.

if you have been following along you are well aware that i have been getting a massage and acupuncture. electrodes are attached to the acupuncture needles for deep muscle stimulation. i have also been trying to endure a more aggressive stimulation each time.

after the first two treatments i don't notice any change in the size of the muscle. frankly i think it would be too soon to be able to see that. i have noticed increased joint stability, particularly first thing in the morning. it was quite common for my knee to shift laterally when i climbed the stairs. i attribute this new stability to the acu-stim treatment.

i suspect that a stronger more stable joint will respond favourably to training. i expect that before long i will notice improved shape and size in my vastus lateralis, the quad muscle that i felt suffered the most from my injury.

and for those who enjoy watching my quad shimmy...

where's the flood??

there was a lad in the gym last evening who had me quite perplexed. for once i wasn't confused by his training application or his form. what had me giving my head a shake was the 'urkel' nature of his gym shorts.

this was a lad in his mid to late 20's, so it wasn't one of those strange old guy trends. i suppose on one hand it was a pleasant change of pace from the kids who wander around with 6 inches of boxer's on full display.

it was his leg day and he performed multiple sets of squats and deadlifts with his shorts all up in his business. i can only imagine how uncomfortable it might have been for him to walk around with the inseam of his shorts tickling his duodenum but when you factor in squatting and further add the pressure from the weight of the bar. frankly i can't help but wonder if there wasn't an easier way's for him to sterilize himself.

and while i am on the subject of how people wear their clothing. what is it that causes folks to raise their pants higher as they advance in years? i don't wish to over-share but at the rate my father is going it won't take much longer until the waist band of his pants fit him like a choker.

shake, rattle and roll

the video below is from my second quad treatment. first a hour long massage followed by acupuncture with electro-stimulation.

i felt that i needed to try a more aggressive approach to ensure the validity of this treatment option. to that end i had them turn the machine up a bit. i don't think you will have to watch as closely as last week to see the muscle contraction.

ladies and gentlemen may i present the macarena a'la miche or the franken-miche part deux.

either way... enjoy

beware of miche

the door bell rang while my family was having dinner and my father answered the door.

it was a woman who was trying to collect money for some cause. my father told her that it was a bad time and asked her to come back later. she moved so that he could not close the door and she started into her pitch. she mentioned it was for the children and that he only needed to give her a little donation. my father told her to come back later, for the second time but the lady kept talking over him.

i told my father to go back and eat his dinner, that i would handle it but my father refused. and went back to arguing with this woman. he told her that we had family visiting and that we were sitting down to dinner and that it just wasn't a good time and she needed to come back. eventually she left and my dad went back to his dinner.

i believe that if you show up at my home, uninvited and if you are peddling a cause that i am not interested in and/or do not support; it is in my right to tell you i am not interested. and you have to leave. if you don't as far as i am concerned you are now trespassing and however i choose to speak to you from that point on, is on you.

a few years ago we had a lot of people at the door trying to peddle their religious beliefs.

i was trying to sleep in one sunday morning when someone began to lean on the door bell. on my way to the front door i passed the rest of my family, sitting in the kitchen in frozen silence. they told me not to answer the door as it was some religious group or the other and then went back to their madame tussauds imitation.

well i am sorry but i do not believe you need to hide in your own home to escapes the religious doctrines of others. i marched my happy ass to the front door and i opened it. there were two women on the front step. they smiled and started to raise their reading material and i cut them off. it was a while ago but i think i said, "hi, we aren't interested so please f--k off. thanks. have a great day." and i slammed the door shut.

i am fairly certain we weren't bothered by any more of those calls for the rest of that summer.

am i going to hell? yeah probably... but it is a lot easier to sleep in on sunday mornings.

the day after

at the risk of seeming all kinds of obsessed with my quad... which i am by the way but nonetheless here are my post treatment comments.

i woke up to a rather interesting sensation in my leg, not an uncommon sensation but not one i am used to feeling when i haven't done anything.

i feels like i have post-workout muscle fatigue but only in a portion of that left quad. the feeling is not local to the exact area of treatment and the rest leg feels 'normal'.

as i mentioned last night i would like the treatment to be a bit more aggressive next week... although i am now a tad nervous what the day after might feel like.

thursday is leg day and i am really curious to see if i will notice any differences.

can you tell i am a little excited?

on pins and needles

i was able to shoot a video clip of the acupuncture muscle stimulation therapy. it really wasn't as gnarly as i feared it might be.

it wasn't the electro-stim that worried me, i have only ever had an acupuncture needle inserted once before and suffice it to say that it didn't go well. well to be honest i went just this side of bat sh#t crazy and demanded that it be taken out.

so since it went okay i am going back again for more next week. i was told two or three sessions and i should see some improvement, if it is indeed going to work for me.

maybe next week i will get him to turn it up higher... maybe we can make the electrodes do the macarena.

the video clip has been edited to just over two minutes. it was a ten minute procedure but i thought i would only include the highlights. do not adjust your set, there is no sound.

today is the day and other random bits

so folks, later today i will be having the quad treatment i previously mentioned. briefly, the plan of attack is an hour long massage. after which they will insert some acupuncture needles. the needles will have electrodes attached for deep muscle stimulation.

it is another beautiful day out, so i took the bike to work. in light of the massage/acupuncture treatment the decision to ride may prove not to be one of my better decisions. but what can i say? sometimes you just gotta dangle your toes over the edge a little. okay so maybe in this case toe dangling could get me killed but i really won't know for sure until later.

the adductors are the leg muscles that i rely on most heavily while riding. as my adductors will not be directly involved in today's treatment, i should be okay. for those of you unfamiliar with the adductors, they are the inner thigh muscles that are directly responsible for bringing one's legs together.

the adductors are the same muscles that make the 'here's my stuff*' machine's so popular on the gym floor. sadly so many people continue to spot train and unfortunately spot training is generally ineffective. particularly when you are solely focused on the inner or outer thigh muscles and the abdominal muscles.

the one thing i learned during my years as a personal trainer; you can not discourage people from spot training. if someone is concerned with their midsection the only exercise they are interested and/or willing to do every crunch variation known to man. it can be pretty frustrating as the trainer when you realize that your clients wish to focus their efforts on the most ineffective training method possible. you would think as the hired professional they would be willing to take advantage of your experience but that is not the case. all too often people believe more, is more and the reality is quite the opposite.

* my personal non-patented term for the adductor machine's. why? because they generally point in some unfortunate direction at the club i train in, towards the area of the gym where people like to gather and stretch. to me, it seems like the exerciser is going; here's my stuff... here's my stuff... here's my stuff...

i may be just a little crazy but it is all just part of my charm!

excuse you?

they say that people respond favourably to confidence but i believe one must be careful not to exude obnoxiousness instead of confidence.

on two separate occasions random gym guy has tried to tell me what to do. he didn't ask me if i wanted to do 'XYZ' but rather he just demanded i follow his direction. clearly he doesn't know me. suffice it to say that i am not properly trained and i do not 'sit', 'fetch' or 'stay'.

if there is an established relationship: coach and athlete, teacher and student, mentor and oh crap... is there such a thing as mentee—?

well look at that... according to google; 'mentee' is an actual word although 'protege' is generally preferred.

there is no established relationship between me and random gym guy. we talk... sometimes. we have similar training ideologies and are often amused by the way others train. but that's where it ends.

i am a stubborn woman who knows her own mind. and guess what? i am also ridiculously set in my ways. so when mister man comes along and tells me to jump, the answer he gets is not ,"how high?"

and since i know you're probably curious... so far the answer hasn't been "—uck you."



yet!

shock the monkey to life

first of all my apologies to mr. gabriel, but his lyric is ever so fitting.

yesterday i went for a massage and rmt paul wanted to know the date of my next show, apparently he wishess to attend.

i explained that i still require quad symmetry before i can even consider returning to the stage. the left quad atrophied quite a lot after my injury and though i have gained back some of what i lost i still have a ways to go.

he and his partner believe then can ensure that all available muscle fibers are firing. although i am kind of scared, dare i say poop-less, of their treatment plan i have decided to give it a shot.


next tuesday evening rmt paul is going to massage my legs then anthony, his partner, is going to fire acupuncture needles into my quads. anthony will then hook me up to electrodes for deep muscle stimulation.

rmt paul showed me a couple videos of the technique. it is all kind freaky seeing the little jumper cable attachments clipped to the acupuncture needles and then watching the lot dance in the patients skin.

i think i am going to talk rmt paul into handing me my phone after i am all hooked up. i want to shoot a clip of it for you guys, if i am allowed.

the hard part, beyond sitting there with needles stuck in my legs, will be fighting the urge to do a frankenstein imitation... or would that be frankenmiche??

what was that?

when i got home from work today i picked up the recycle bins and took them to the back of the house where they are kept.

a couple steps away from where we store them and something moved. i glanced over and i saw a long dingy grey and white coat. skunk!

i wasted no time getting the hell out of the backyard. in fact i am not sure that the recycle bins have landed yet. i launched the bins and shot out of the backyard with a speed that would make usain bolt jealous. in fact i didn't stop running until i was on the street in front of my house.

so the question is, is pepe le pew still out there? and who is going to go out there to clean up those bins? not this kid that's for damn sure!!!

ma nature:1 miche: 0

decisions... decisions...

i am the conclusion of another 6 week rotation of the x-rep training protocol. i started training with this style at the start of the year. i am still really happy with how things are progressing but it is definitely time to make some further plans.

my weight seems to hover around 167 lbs. i think that is likely the lowest that i am going to be without further dietary adjustments. there is a delt vein that is visible in my left shoulder most training days. that vein comes out when i am lean. the point of the diet was to get leaner clearly i have done that.

i can't see an advantage of being any leaner than i am now. to get leaner i would have to adjust my caloric intake and that would likely affect the strength gains i have made so far. also, i am not currently ready to do a show, so there is no advantage to getting leaner now.

one change i am considering is the frequency of my cheat meal. i would like to move it to one meal every four weeks. one meal every six weeks fits in nicely with the six week rotation of the x-rep protocol but i am curious if i could still maintain my current weight with a more regular cheat meal. earlier in the year my body weight would fluctuate more during the six weeks and the longer period gave me the opportunity to make more improvements to my condition.

i didn't bother to take any progress pictures at the end of this cycle. i also didn't take my measurements. since my weight has been as steady as it has it is likely that my measures will remain steady as well.

but what i am considering is filming some of the workouts again and posting more training videos.

why? for one it has been quite some time since i have done it and it is well past time to do a form check. when you train alone no one has an eye on your form. technique ensures you get the most out of the exercise and it generally minimizes risk. proper form is something i am always concerned with but when your going for one more rep sometimes things can go terribly, horribly wrong.

as well a lot of the exercises that i am currently doing are relatively new to my routine and i simply haven't had a chance to watch myself perform them.

i have a lot of decisions to consider during the coming de-load week.

it probably seems like i am going to a lot of trouble or even over thinking this but i believe that physique sports are a marriage between change and consistancy. you want to change enough to make improvements but not too frequently. you have to give your plan time to work.

rome after all, was not built in a day.

i regret nothing!!

first of all the movie was all kinds of awesome. consider that i waited patiently for nine months for the release of the avengers. that was a long time and the potential for disappointment after such a long wait was a legitimate risk. but then you have to factor in, the whedon factor. joss whedon owns this genre; action/adventure with a healthy dose of make believe and that should be enough but mr whedon also brings the funny!!

so how good would i say this movie was? this was; bring it home to meet the parents because you finally found 'the one' good.

i am sure that inquiring minds would like to know what time the movie finished and/or what time i got to bed. i left the theatre at 2:50 a.m. and it was about 4:00 a.m. before i hit the rack. it is likely that i actually did get forty winks as the alarm went off an hour and a half later.

today is clearly going to suck. i can feel that already. today i will be powered by nescafe.

my plan is to get through the day. drink my body weight in coffee if need be. have a power nap after work before heading to the gym to get my chest workout done. i briefly thought about going straight from work to the gym but i'll likely nod off under the bar and get pinned.

but ultimately i regret nothing!!

y.o.l.o!!

did i mention that saturday is my cheat day? yet another 6 weeks is behind me and i am looking forward to pizza and a deep N delicious chocolate cake.

but first i've got to get through today.

avengers assemble!!

okay this could turn out to be one of my worst ever decisions... but sometimes you just gotta say what the #$@*.

the avengers movie starts this weekend and for the truly twisted there is the midnight showing tonight. now clearly a midnight movie would not be a wise decision for someone who is required to get up at 5:30 am for work.

clearly i am not wise. i am going.

tomorrow i am going to be basically comatose but so be it. there has not been a movie released in forever that i have had any desire to see and i have been waiting for this one since they released captain america last year.

i can't wait!!!

job titles i could never have...

during last night's basketball game i caught a bit of the on-camera interview with the coach.

it got me thinking that they essentially ask the coach and players the same questions time and time again. surely it must get tiring delivering the same stock answers: we've got to cut off their dribble penetration. we need to better guard against the 3-ball. we got to stop giving them open looks. we need to shut down the lane. to list a few.

just once i would love it if a coach answered the questions like i would:

reporter: coach you had the game well in hand but towards the end of the half you seemed to let them back into it. what do you attribute that too?
coach miche: they started scoring more than we were.
reporter: (visibly taken aback) i see and how do you plan to turn that trend around in the second half?
coach miche: i was kinda counting on us scoring more than them.
reporter: (stunned) ah... thanks coach... and ahhh... good luck in the second half.
coach miche: thank you

there are a lot of occupations out there, that i am pretty sure i am poorly suited. it might be fun, from time to time to take a look at them.

or maybe just fun for me.

and i rant

there are some people who train at my gym who i am not fond of.

damn it this is my blog i can call a spade a spade. if certain gym members where to be sucked off the planet i would not miss them.

these people i dislike, i do so because of their behaviour on the gym floor.

i do not for one second believe that i am perfect. and if i had any interest in making this post any longer i would list out for you all my shortcomings.

i do believe that i am respectful of the other gym members and the staff. to that end i try to behave in a manner that is not obnoxious and i also make a point to return weights, benches and the like to the position in which i found them. unless of course i found them haphazardly strewn about the gym floor.

today we were entertained by captain sinew. he struts around in shorts and sleeveless tees, he is really lean. but truth is, he is not as muscular as he thinks he is.

timmy tendon needs to leave weights and bars on the floor. and any bar he uses he leaves loaded with the weight he used.

there were 6-8 dumbbells on the floor today weighing anywhere from seventy to ninety-five pounds. there was one lone female working at the club at that time and if she out-weighed the heaviest dumbbell it wasn't by much.

the next time i see slim shady he has a barbell wedged into the corner and he is doing t-bar rows. i think he had at least 200 lbs on that barbell. he just put it down after his last set and walked away. he had another barbell loaded with full plates for shrugs and he left that too.

now i could easily have included luthor lean-ass with today's earlier post but he is such a enormous POS i felt he deserved his own blog.

hey gilbert gristle!! learn to put your effin' weights away!!!

point to ponder

during our 30-day challenge the bloke suggested i post something about the sense of entitlement among today's youth. and although i did post about his chosen subject i have had cause of late to consider that blog was far too narrow and specific.

i am still friends with a gentleman i used to work with many years ago. approximately 4 years ago during the economic downturn we both ran into financial difficulties and we were unable to find work in our field.

it is important to note that my friend is a husband, a father with children he needs to put through university and a home-owner.

what i so admire about this man is that he took a job that he was grossly over-qualified for, but it was an honest living and if he was extremely careful he could still care for his family. as time went by he started to rebuild his business by offering his graphic services to the companies on his delivery route.

four years later and he is practically working round the clock. but he has built up a steady client base. he created something from nothing, if you will. and the best part is, it is now a lot easier for him to provide for his family.

let's compare that with yet another man i know who's life fell apart around the same time period.

now the second man is the father of toddler.

he wasn't able to find a job opportunity in his chosen field. and this man was quite content to sit at home waiting for that 'perfect' job.

the toddler's mother suggested that he go out and get a job. would you believe that he was incensed? he was convinced that he couldn't just hold a job. i guess he felt that he was destined for so much more. and anything else was simply beneath him.

in retrospect i wonder if our youth have a false sense of entitlement because their elders do? is it not a learned behaviour.

but the question is, how do we make sure that we have more people in our society like the first man?

they like me... they really like me

i was sitting at my desk at work last week wednesday and i was doing a whole lot of nothing. the studio manager came up to ask me it i had a moment. not only did i have a moment i had several. at that point i think i'd been idle for about an hour.

it turns out that they wanted to send me to calgary for two weeks to work on another flyer program. she explained that they would take care of all airfare and hotel costs. the kicker was, i was to fly out the sunday... a mere three days later.

i was rocked by the offer to be honest. i knew that they were happy with the work i had been doing for them... but to send me across the country! well that was just something i never expected. i will add that in my years of working in this field i had never before been sent on a business trip. hell, i didn't even think it was a possibility.

nevertheless i went home that night and set about rearranging my familial obligations so that i could go and i went to work thursday prepared to accept the offer.

it would seem the trip was not meant to be as they had located an artist in another part of the province to send in my stead. it made sense financially. they would still have to put the person up in a hotel but they would not also have to eat the $500 airfare.

was i disappointed? yes.

i have a friend who lives in edmonton who i haven't seen in a few years. we had planned to meet up during my stay. as well i have never been to calgary. besides it would have been an opportunity to expand my professional experience and work on a different account.

but clearly it was not meant to be.

regardless of how it all played out there is still one undeniable truth and it makes me feel really good. they asked me!! that will never change.

and who knows, maybe there will be other opportunities??

reflections

the other day i took a moment to go back to the start of this blog and read it through.

my first thought was that i am a truly sick individual and i firmly believe i require the help of a team of therapists working round the clock.

but that said. it was kind of interesting to go through the journey again. to remember some of the joys and of course relieve some of the lows.

i am hopeful that i have grown as a person in the six years i have been doing this. but it truly is hard to notice your growths, particularly when you are distracted by your short comings.

one of the things i couldn't help but notice was the people who were there in the beginning who aren't here now. some by their choice, some by mine and some by circumstance.

i can't really say what i believe, or if i believe in any official religious deity. but i am a firm believer that there is a plan, that certain people enter and exit your life to teach you things or to put you on the path you are supposed to travel.

with that thought i can't be heartbroken about those who are gone. i can only hope that i made the most of the lessons they were here to teach me.

its official

frequently through the work day, when i have down time, i will log onto the boards to see what is up in the world of women's basketball. i did so today at 2:30 p.m. and there front and center on the summitt forum was a post i never really ever wanted to see... but knew that one day i was going to.

at 1:30 p.m. a post was announced that coach pat summitt was stepping down as the head coach of the lady vols. she had been in that position for 38 years. imagine, she took over the head coaching duties back in 1974!!

she is going to continue on as coach emeritus. which means she can still be part of the recruiting process and attend practices as her health allows, everything right now is dictated by her illness. she was diagnosed with early onset dementia eight months ago. pat summitt had hoped to coach for another few seasons but i guess this past season proved to too difficult for everyone concerned.

pat summitt is tennessee lady vol basketball.

hell pat summitt is women's basketball! she influenced the game at the college level. pat summitt was involved in the inaugural years of the wnba so she influenced the game at the pro level. finally she had many years of service with the national team as both player and coach so she had influenced the international game as well.

when i logged onto twitter today the reactions were as inspiring as the woman herself. athletes from all over were tweeting in response to the news. from those who worked with her directly to those who know that the sport would not be where it is today without her influence.

so as sad as today is and it is sad. it is also a positive time as well.

one other thing i want to add. since i've had many a person point out to me so far that i had to know this day would come. yes i knew it was coming but just because i knew it was coming doesn't make it any easier to take.

party of one

You are still feeling pretty thoughtful, so hunker down and record some of the deeper stuff that bubbles up from down below. You may hit on a huge idea that helps you find new ways to deal with life.
~~ daily horoscope by astrology.com ~~

my mother for reasons of her own needs to see all of her children romantically paired. there is a problem with that need. her two youngest children are terminally single.

my mother and her friend were recently discussing my life, what i have done with it and the non-existent state of my love life. because my mother and her friends are from a different time they don't understand that it might be difficult to find someone to date. it is as if they think i simply need to wander into my local men 'R' us, where i can pick out someone suitable from the strong and muscular aisle.

what frightens me most is the knowledge that my mother still hopes that i will someday marry. i was in my late teens when i first announced that i would never marry. around that time my parents marriage was the most rocky.

it is also very important to note that i have never had an adult relationship that lasted any longer than six weeks. i simply can't see how i could marry anyone. i haven't learned how to be in a relationship to be part of a couple. a lesson most people figure out as early as high school.

a successful relationship is a balance. it is a give and take between two people. when you have spent your entire life alone you don't have that balance. you are either inclined to take as that is all that you know or you give unconditionally to ensure that the other person doesn't leave you.

i suspect that at this point i am a bad bet. i am probably too set in my ways and far too unyielding to make anyone a decent partner.

i honestly believe that we don't all get to fall in love. i firmly believe that we want it and that we look for it and some of the lucky ones even find it. perhaps if everyone experienced it then it wouldn't be as special? maybe some of us are supposed to go through life without ever experiencing romantic love. maybe as long as we experience some form of love; the love of family, friends, pets or food, we can still live a happy and balanced life.

my horoscope suggested that i had something to say and that i should say it. so that is where this blog post comes from. a thought that has been rattling around in my head for sometime. a thought that i kept refusing to blog about but the longer you ignore an idea the more noise it makes inside your head.

the signs of spring

have you ever noticed the sudden surge in people running and jogging along our city streets as soon as it gets warmer out?

i can't help but notice that 90% of those people move like they haven't run since they were in grade school. their stride looks awkward, their gait is off, their body posture looks counter productive.

i saw this black woman running this morning and i have never seen anyone move like that. she didn't run all crazy like the television character from 'friends' but i am sure if she had, it would have been less traumatic for me.

do you know how some men and women walk with some extra backseat undulation? well try to imagine someone jogging along the roadway with that kind of extraneous movement. for the life of me i can't understand how she was able to continue to move in a forward direction. surely that booty flailing should have shaken her off course some how.

you know sometimes i think maybe i shouldn't allow folks to experience the madness that happens betwixt my ears.

the plus one

after the challenge was complete it felt really weird to end the day without a post. so i guess that is what has me posting when i should be getting ready for work.'

but it wasn't as though there wasn't any writing yesterday. i shared my eve dallas story with another fan-fiction writer and it was well received. so i am currently working on making it longer, or at least long enough to come to an acceptable climax.

as well my mother is going to be making a speech in the coming weeks and i spent last night, reorganizing her thoughts for her. my mother writes with a very formal style and tone, which can make for a rather awkward sounding speech delivered to family and friends.

there was a change i felt compelled to make. my mother her, bless her heart, was recounting the good old days and used the phrase 'we partied together'. a simple enough comment and back when my mother and her friends we attending parties that phrase simply meant that they went to the same parties. however as soon as i read that line, do to the popular connotation of that phrase i instantly had the mental image of my mother and aunt dancing around a beer bong and smokin' weed. needless to say that was an image that was horrifically uncomfortable for me and HAD to be changed.

and on the 30th day she wrote...

well it is with both pride and a bit of a heavy heart that i submit this post. this being the official last post of the 30-day challenge. i am quite proud of the bloke and i, we got a lot of things accomplished.

mostly what i got out of this challenge, besides the opportunity to have some fun abusing the english language, was learning that there are still some uncharted writing skills that i have yet to develop. but mostly what i have learned was that my high school english teachers didn't know sh#t and they all just can suck it!!

i really didn't want to limp to the finish line with this post, i really wanted to finish strong. sort of the written equivalent of usain bolt. but for that i would need a really awesome topic and unfortunately i don't have one. so instead i will tell you a true story.

i used to entertain myself in online chat rooms and through that media i virtually met a lot of people throughout the u.s and canada. i didn't however always meet the smartest of people.

some americans, for whatever reason, have really unrealistic impressions of the canadian climate. and in these chat rooms i found myself frequently correcting the belief that i lived in an igloo and travelled by husky.

as you may have gathered from reading my blog, i am a bit of a smart ass by nature, i have a pretty vivid imagination, a quick wit and can spin a believable yarn. it now occurs to me that i may have missed my true calling... a life of crime, anyway i digress.

i was having a virtual conversation with a women who claimed to be a grade school teacher. if memory serves it wasn't even winter and she was convinced that we were completely snow bound. since i was in a mood i went with it.

i recall telling the woman there was a basically a four foot wall of snow that you hit as soon as you crossed the 49th parallel. i admitted to owning and exclusively driving a snowmobile.

but the piece de resistance and to this date i couldn't tell you where this pile of bull came from, i told her that there was a law in canada that you could only dress your children in a snowsuit that was neon yellow. she demanded to know why and was aghast to learn that the government held that kind of control. until i reminded her that with 4 ft. snow drifts it was far too easy to loose one's children unless they were appropriately dressed.

and you guessed it... she freakin' bought it!!!

more upheaval

it is very uncomfortable at work these days.

the new parent company made more of its plans known in a meeting today. that only full-time employees were invited to. another three people lost their jobs today and the parent company intends to cut another 15 jobs!

they held their meeting at 2:30 p.m. afterwards people wandered in a zombie-like state back to their desks. most gamely tried to work but the rest sat there, in stunned silence or talked in hushed tones with others.

these next few weeks are going to be really trying and i do not envy the full-time employees.

civility lost

the bloke and i had a brief chat the other day. the chat was inspired by a rather unfortunate set of experiences, he had while tending to the grocery shopping during the holiday weekend. the bloke was sorely amazed at how rude we have become as a society. for the most part, social niceties and good manners seem to have gone the way of the dodo bird.

i listened to his rant and i sympathized with his experiences but i cannot admit to having been alarmed. i had an interesting experience with someone who, at the time, i considered a friend. you'll notice i used the past tense, as the entire exchange really coloured my opinion of her. which might not be fair, as it is likely that my behaviour contributed to the mess that ensued.

i got an invite to a wedding shower. i am not 'wedding shower' people and those who truly know me, know this. in fact i opted not to attend wedding shower of my sister-in-law and i had the misfortune of being in her wedding party!

anyway i arrived 2 hours late to the bridal shower. the event was hosted by one of her cousins. not counting the bride i only knew one other guest. there were 4 small children racing around on those little push toys. at least one other guest and i almost had our toes run over by these micro-hooligans. i lasted an hour before i escaped.

when i walked into the house, 2 hours late, i gave the bride a card that contained a $50 gift certificate. she did not open my gift and i understood that, as the gifts were opened before i arrived.

several weeks passed and i had yet to hear anything from the bride. she said thank you when i passed her the sealed envelope at her cousins door. but i expected a separate thank you for the gift within, or at the very least, the acknowledgement of the picture of the bride and groom i had super-imposed onto the gift certificate.

during a blackberry text exchange i asked how many weeks had passed since her bridal shower. the answer was six. i then asked her how long i should expect to wait before she thanked me for the present.

i heard that she was sorry, i heard about how much she had to drink that night, i heard about how many days straight she had been working for weeks on end, i heard that she had thought she thanked me.

she did text the hugging smiley to me through the phone to say thank you.

she honestly thought that was an acceptable way to thank someone for a gift. but for me that was unacceptable. if she had remembered on her own and had sent me a text i would have been receptive. but she didn't and to do so after she realized her error, lacked sincerity.

she however could not understand why that wasn't acceptable. and i can't understand why she thinks it should have been.

so how could i expect strangers, john and/or jane q. public to say please and thank you when i can't even count social graces from people i considered friends?

we live in a microwave society where we have, in the interest of time, shortened a lot of processes and cut out a lot of unnecessary steps. unfortunately along with that we have also lost some of our more civilized behaviours.

tis a shame that.

who's that guy?

grant jeffries was 28 years old. he knew that he had, baring injury or a sudden health issue, lived for less than half his life expectancy. he was aware he still had many good years to come. unfortunately he was also convinced his best years were long behind him.

perhaps they were, when he was in grade school, when he first started to show an affinity for the sport of hockey. the teams he played on, the games they won, the tournaments there was a lot of attention paid to little grant and he soaked it all up like a sponge.

maybe grant’s happiest years were when he was in junior high school. when it became apparent that he was a half a stride faster than everyone else, that his stick-handling ability was just a bit better and his passes were just a bit crisper. coupled with his ability to be in the right place at the right time, he was hands down the star player in the league.

that was the time when grant’s hockey future was set. every break from school and he was in a skills camp. he began to move through the midget hockey league ranks as his parents sought a more competitive environment. grant couldn’t have been happier... or so he thought.

by the time high school rolled around grant had truly hit his stride. he had a strapping 6 foot frame, he was strong and he explosive speed. by now grant had a good stride and a half on the competition. he just seemed to ‘know’ exactly where the puck was going to be when it came off the boards. grant could fake any goalie right out of his skates. then the university scouts started coming around, offering grant his pick of some of the best hockey playing schools in ontario. but probably best of all, was the women. as a hockey player, no as a star hockey player grant had his pick of the girls in his school. at the party, just about anywhere he happened to be. yes, grant’s life was that good.

things changed when grant got to nipissing. for the first time in his life he wasn’t the fastest on the ice, in fact he was one of the slowest. he was no longer the best stick handler on the team and he still ‘knew’ exactly where the puck would be but only because there was another player ‘there’ waiting for it.

in a very short time grant went from being the man to the nobody. he didn’t just roll over and die. he hit the ice every chance he could, he worked with the coaches, he worked out in the weight room. nothing seemed to make much of a difference. he just kept sliding further and further down the rotation until he was basically in danger of falling right off the end of the bench.

nothing was going along with the plan grant had. he had planned on at least one invite to join the canadian junior hockey team. either after his first or definitely after his second season of national team play, the nhl was supposed to come calling. he’d even had several scenarios in his head where he scored the game winning goal to seal the stanley cup victory.

grant had no clue what went wrong. all he knew was he was 28, strong and healthy. he still plays hockey but it was just for an adult recreation hockey team. he still had all his moves but he was still a nobody.

once again another blog post inspired by a member in my gym. it is not that i think that every one on the gym floor has a tale of woe. but the real life 'grant', much like the real life, 'frankie' strut around the gym. they appear both cocky and incredibly self-conscious at the same time. it is that juxtaposition that stands out to me and usually inspires me to 'write' their story.

a question posed by the bloke

"do you know any truly happy people?"

thankfully i say that i do not. why would i be thankful about that? because i believe that being truly happy would make you lethargic. i am convinced that because we are not truly happy, we push ourselves to make improvements and changes that will hopefully lead to true happiness.

it is my belief that technological advancements and societal improvements happen when people try to make things better... try to make themselves happier. consider that someone might realize that they would be happier if they had more time to spend with their loved ones. that desire might inspire him/her to improve current technology, invent a new machine or application that saves time.

i would say that i know people who a happier than i.

i have a friend who is a constant source of inspiration to me. she is the kind of person who always seems to be making lemonade, no matter how many lemons life throws at her. she lives her life knowing that you can't make yourself miserable, worrying over the things you cannot change. she approaches any problem by first getting as much information as she can. and with that information she devises the best plan of how to 'fix' it.

i know people who are secure in the knowledge that they are in the career they are meant to be in. or if they are not already in it, the are well aware of what that career is and are taking the necessary steps to get there.

i have both friends and acquaintances who have love in their lives. granted relationships can be rocky to negotiate at times but in most cases, the love is still there.

as i suggested earlier i am not as happy as i could be. there are still too many things that are uncertain or unsettled in my life. but i want to be happy. so i continue to strive for that goal. that unachievable goal- true happiness.

everyday i get that much closer and yet everyday it moves that much further away.

good friday eve

tomorrow is good friday. generally people will be spending time with their families this long weekend. i however will not be with mine. my oldest brother and his wife have invited everyone up to their house for dinner. i imagine there will be quite a number of people there as my sister-in-law has 3 sisters and 2 brothers and among the lot of them, there are a number of children.

i stopped going to family dinners quite some time ago. it just got to the point where the dinners weren't fun or even interesting anymore. i found myself forcing conversation, feigning interest and counting the minutes until it was time to leave.

i eventually began to wonder if there was even a point of putting myself through that and i really couldn't find any compelling reasons why i should. how did it go over with the family? not well. they were visibly hurt, offended and finally resigned to the fact that i wasn't going to show. every now and then my mother likes to try to play the guilt card. just like she tried last night.

i succumbed to the guilt and i went to dinner. it was good friday several years ago. as my sister-in-law was getting ready to plate the meal she asked if i eat fish. i do not, in fact i never have. all they had was fish. i was not motivated to try to make a meal out of side dishes and dessert so i left.

when my mother started suggesting i go to tomorrow night's dinner i mentioned that i would have nothing to eat. she suggested that i bring my own dinner.

yeah... i think i'll pass.

gym follies

tonight i was in one of the power racks at the gym. i had just stepped under a 95 lb barbell and was in the process of lifting said weight overhead. suddenly this mensa giant, who had been quasi-training a woman beside me, decided that my rack had the only 2.5 lb plates in the entire freaking gym.

he suddenly grabs for a plate and my eye immediately tracks to him. i drop the barbell back down onto the pins and stepped out of the rack. i did not hide my displeasure although i didn't say anything. goober walks to the other side of the rack to get another 2.5 lb plate. at this point he stops and asks if it is okay. i was ignoring him and i may have been frowning in the general vicinity of my barbell.

you are going to risk injurying me for 5 freaking pounds??? i still can't believe that he intended to increase the woman's rack deadlift by 5 lbs??? that made about as much sense as adding a second set of clips to increase the resistance. a 5 lb increment is better for smaller muscle groups; delts, bi's, tri's. chest pressing with free weight falls under the same guideline because delts and tri's are a very real weak link in pressing movements.

a rack deadlift targets the legs and the back. the delts and bi's aren't a real factor in this lift. if you miss the lift, the bar harmlessly slips out of your hands. you are not likely to damage your shoulders or biceps. a lift like that you should be increasing by 10 lb increments. and before you say that she isn't a bodybuilder or powerlifter, that guideline rings true regardless of the person's fitness goals. as long as there isn't a predetermined health issue a 10 lb increment makes sense. i know there was no such health issue as she had been pulling in excess of 135 lbs.

i was in a tank top for the first time this year and there were a couple of young guys training to my right. one of the two started hanging out in my periphery, he kept looking over at me. he seemed to be spreading out his arms and puffing out his chest. he had to have been all of 125 lbs soaking wet. i weigh significantly more than that, so yes i was bigger than he was and i didn't need to stand beside him to figure that out.

after i finished my set, i put my weights away and i put the bench in an empty smith rack. that smith rack had the same weight that i had been using. i watched that kid adjust the bench under the bar. i guess he was going to crawl under that bar and try to do the same exercise that i was doing, with the same weight i finished with! part of me wanted to watch how it would have turned out for him. most smith racks are counter-balanced to 10-15 lbs. which means if you have 95 lbs on the machine, you are actually only lifting about 80 lbs.

i was doing a reverse bench press which is a difficult lift, the weight of the bar would have been about 40 lbs less than his body weight. yeah that would have ended all kinds of bad.

brought to you by the letters c-o-f-f-e-e

today was a rough one. i went to bed at a reasonable hour last night and i can only assume that i didn't sleep all that well, because i was not in good shape when i woke up this morning.

and when i say not in good shape i am not kidding. i drank a ridiculous amount of coffee today. between 6:30 am to 3:30 p.m i ingested about 68 oz. of coffee. and that is a lot. even for me.

now here is the kicker, after all of that i was still barely able to keep my face off my desk and my eyelids were well past half-mast. i left work as early as i could and i was home a little after 6:00 pm. where i promptly executed a perfect swan-dive into my bed and i was not seen or heard from for 2 solid hours.

you would think with all that coffee running through my system i would have been able to attend med school. nope! i slept like a baby. in fact it took everything i had to drag myself out of bed at 8:30 pm. i really don't forsee any problems sleeping tonight either.

go team coffee!!!

in other news tonight is the last official game of the NCAA women's basketball season and i couldn't be any less disengaged. i am not being a sore sport because my team got ousted in the elite eight. this year was just boring.

the elite 8 came down to all the teams ranked 1st and 2nd. then the 1's promptly dispatched the 2's. last year was exciting. 11th seed gonzaga came seemingly out of nowhere and made it all the way to the elite 8! texas a&m a team ranked 2nd took care of the number 1 seed baylor!

the most exciting thing about this season is the 40-0 win streak of baylor's. and frankly it isn't exciting at this point that team is just so dominant, a perfect season is a given. as they best more and more teams in these final games they have a swagger, a confidence... and that is a huge part in taking care of business.

either way i still don't like 'em. so there!

slow and steady...

it is the 1st week of april, 3 months after i started and i currently am sitting at a 15 lb loss. now it wasn't that long ago that i was telling you all of my 12 lb loss.

the human body always regulates itself. it is always trying to achieve homeostasis. it will allow you make more significant losses in body fat when you have more body fat to lose. however, as you get closer to where your body 'thinks' it should be, which is rarely where you want to or need to be, your ability to make significant loses becomes more difficult.

what many people do at this point is assume that they can't possibly lose any more and break their diet. your body wins and it is happy. significant losses can set your body into panic mode and it resists your dieting efforts, since it doesn't know what the hell is going on. for all your body knows there is a famine going on. and if it doesn't slow the weight loss down you might soon resemble one of sally or alex's kids. if you were to continue to stick to the diet you would find that you would start to make losses again. not huge changes because your body is still a little unsure, but there will be changes.

when i first started this diet i was aiming for 170 lbs, i used to have a decent amount of muscular detail at that weight. but since i have lost muscle mass from my knee issues i need to keep dieting past that weight, to hit that same level of definition.

i initially predicted my target weight to be 165 lbs. i am now 2 lbs away from that goal and i am no longer confident that is my true goal weight. i may end up having to get closer to 160 lbs and i can't begin to tell you how that does not sit well with me.

i knew i was going to lose muscle mass when my knees first started to affect my training. but i was completely unprepared for how much muscle i was going to lose. i honestly did not expect that it would take well over 2 years to get that regain the lost muscle. for that matter, i also did not anticipate the difficulties with my other knee.

so although i am happy to have lost the 15 lbs, i am not happy to realize how small i have become.

bollocks!!

that said, may 5th i am having pizza and chocolate cake till i explode.

up on a soap box

you would think since i have my own blog and i have only released the URL to a select few, i would be more comfortable talking about, whatever the hell i wanted to talk about. that however, is not the case. i have on more than one occasion had a subject demands to be discussed. so far every time it has bounced into my head, i have bounced it right back out again. today however, it wins.

it is not uncommon for people to develop an interest in the physique sports, specifically in the competitive end. there is nothing wrong with that, in fact i am all for it. my concern however is what frequently happens next. as soon as someone decides to compete they format a plan in which they become the sport's newest phenom. the plan usually involves a ridiculous number of shows their rookie season with them either placing top three or winning outright. confidence is not the issue, confidence is sport is a good thing. realism is also good.

for everyone doing their first show there are a ton of other athletes who have been at it longer, have been training longer, been dieting longer, have a better physique or just have more show experience.

not long after starting on their plan the rookie will also decide that not only will they take the local bodybuilding world by storm but they will also achieve pro status in record time. overnight the athlete seemingly morphs into someone else. they will likely go from someone quite pleasant to someone quite cocky. the skin of the paler athlete will then start to sport a almost cherry red hue. these kind of changes can suggest a change in what the athlete might be taking.

now i am a firm believer that it is your body to do what you want. i only hope that you make the best decisions you can and that you research the hell out of anything you might choose to take. but what i truly wish, particularly for the female competitors, is that people make it a habit to do a few shows first... before moving onto the high octane supplementation.

the male can 'try it' and change his mind with little or no change to his general physique. he can come off and his body will go back to the way it was. women just can't 'try it' but for some reason a lot of women believe they can.

so let us go back to what inspired today's post. a young woman did her first show last year and her behaviour changed in the manner which i mentioned earlier. as i understand it, she did well at the show(s) she entered. today she was asked about her future competitive plans. it turns out she realized that she just didn't like the competitive aspect.

she has crossed a line she can't uncross and she did it without even bothering to find out if she even liked doing shows. that is such a common mistake and it so ridiculously stupid. sadly it is almost an insult to be thought of as an natural competitor and few people are willing to go that route. regardless your final physique aspirations, you would do yourself a greater service by putting your muscle on naturally first.

the best bodies in the sport had years of lifting under their belts before they crossed the line. the drug what took and already impressive physique to the next level. let's compare it to a meal from a 5-star restaurant served on fine exquisite china. but you can't take a plateful of shit and put in on fine china and have anything other than a plate of shit.

finally i would like to add that i am not pro-use nor am i exactly anti-use. as a fan of professional bodybuilding i can't actually be anti-use. right or wrong those athletes are by no means unassisted and there is no way to convince yourself that they are.

it is not for me and maybe you feel it is for you. that is your right. but for goodness sake be smart. you really only get the one go-around.