somebody else!!!
the fat lady is slinking off the stage, they have dimmed the lights, we have scraped the last of the protan and pam from our bodies.
so how was it? well suprisingly enough it was not nearly the mind numbing nerve wracking experience that rollerblade contests were. in fact i can almost say that except for a quick little second i did not get nervous at all.
it took more time to get ready (get my suit on, tan on, oil up, makeup and what not), than i spent on stage. we were called onto the stage, the head judge called out front double bicep, side chest, back double bicep, side tricep and abs and thigh and that was it... we were done. then it was back to the hotel to wait for the night show.
the most fun was doing my routine for the night show. i guess the ham that has always been in me really shines during something like this. when i got off the stage i got a lot of congratulations for my routine. i was even complimented by laura creavalle (retired ifbb pro bodybuilder).
a couple of my friends from the board came out to bring me my oatmeal and raisin cookies. i was drowning my sorrows in a fistful of cookies when they announced that i was the winner of the best female poser!! apparently they liked my routine that much. so i went back up on stage... stopping only to hug my coach and i collected my trophy. by far i am the most proud of this part of the journey. my coach was always the one to win the best posing trophy, it is so amazing to be able to uphold the family honour if you will.
so whats next? well i do have the option of competiting in the canadians but there are many variables that will determine if i do or not. first i need to sit down with my coach and find out if he has the time to go around again. then i need to sit down with my diet guy and find out if i peaked for that show or if i can peak for the august show. the august show would have stiffer competition, since it would be the best from each province. so if the august show is not in the cards then i will be back to the drawing board. growing more muscle for next time.
i will keep you posted
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
closerthanthis
okay folks this is likely going to be my last post before the show. for those of you who don't know its saturday.
on the good news/isn't it ironic front. i called canada post yesterday morning and was told in no uncertain terms that my suits were on their way back to texas and there was nothing that could be done. then the lovely gentleman in question asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. he did not seem to enjoy my request that he make me a couple of suits before saturday. sense of humour sunshine... get one!
so then i had an epiphany. i remembered that at the shows there are always suit designers there and they always have booths with suits on display. figured it was a long shot but on the off chance that there was a suit that would fit, it would likely look better on me than something off the rack. one of my friends from the boards hooked me up with passion fruit designs and i gave her a call. okay now i must gush. rather than laugh hysterically at my plight and hang up, berns was compassionate and more than willing to step in and help me out.
i raced across the city and she had me go through some of the suits she had. there were more than a few that would have worked or only needed a simple modification, (her words not mine... i know nothing of this stuff). but in the end she decided that would not do, that i had to have my own suits made for me. and so she went and got some material and made some colour choices, (don't get me wrong she attempted to get my input but since i am more than willing to admit i know sh*t about that i let her make the call). i paid her and i drove home.
and here is where the irony comes in. guess what is sitting on my bed? yup my purolator package. the suits finally did arrive i actually laughed. so what am i going to do? well i am going to wear the passion fruit suits. why?? well i liked the way her suits fit, they are hella easy to put on, based on passion fruit reputation those suits will not need to be glued on and finally one of the suits that came in the mail was the wrong colour. i was expecting a teal blue and a guess what you might call a royal blue. instead i ended up with a royal blue and a greenish suit, i don't really like the look of the green suit against my skin.
but the upside is, should my coach and my online friends be right... that this is just the beginning well i now have suits for next time. i met a fantastic designer who taught me so much about how to properly wear the suit, the kind of stuff i would never have learned without the 'fitting'.
so now its just time to focus on the job at hand... and as my friend tg from the board said 'hold your head up and flex hard'.
time to get 'er done people.
next stop... tim horton's cookies!!!!!
on the good news/isn't it ironic front. i called canada post yesterday morning and was told in no uncertain terms that my suits were on their way back to texas and there was nothing that could be done. then the lovely gentleman in question asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. he did not seem to enjoy my request that he make me a couple of suits before saturday. sense of humour sunshine... get one!
so then i had an epiphany. i remembered that at the shows there are always suit designers there and they always have booths with suits on display. figured it was a long shot but on the off chance that there was a suit that would fit, it would likely look better on me than something off the rack. one of my friends from the boards hooked me up with passion fruit designs and i gave her a call. okay now i must gush. rather than laugh hysterically at my plight and hang up, berns was compassionate and more than willing to step in and help me out.
i raced across the city and she had me go through some of the suits she had. there were more than a few that would have worked or only needed a simple modification, (her words not mine... i know nothing of this stuff). but in the end she decided that would not do, that i had to have my own suits made for me. and so she went and got some material and made some colour choices, (don't get me wrong she attempted to get my input but since i am more than willing to admit i know sh*t about that i let her make the call). i paid her and i drove home.
and here is where the irony comes in. guess what is sitting on my bed? yup my purolator package. the suits finally did arrive i actually laughed. so what am i going to do? well i am going to wear the passion fruit suits. why?? well i liked the way her suits fit, they are hella easy to put on, based on passion fruit reputation those suits will not need to be glued on and finally one of the suits that came in the mail was the wrong colour. i was expecting a teal blue and a guess what you might call a royal blue. instead i ended up with a royal blue and a greenish suit, i don't really like the look of the green suit against my skin.
but the upside is, should my coach and my online friends be right... that this is just the beginning well i now have suits for next time. i met a fantastic designer who taught me so much about how to properly wear the suit, the kind of stuff i would never have learned without the 'fitting'.
so now its just time to focus on the job at hand... and as my friend tg from the board said 'hold your head up and flex hard'.
time to get 'er done people.
next stop... tim horton's cookies!!!!!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
pressing on...
so the most interesting to report is probably the fate of my suits. i mentioned yesterday that it would appear somehow that i messed up my address on my order form. so my suits have been deemed 'undeliverable' by purolator, they are either on their way back to canada post or houston, texas. i've been trying to see if there is a way that i can get them before they are returned but since it's a) not the standard procedure and b) since neither company is really sure where they are... chances are, they are going back to texas. hopefully they had a lovely trip.
i am sure i am coming across as unnaturally calm and in a way i guess i am. fact is although i am still trying to locate my suits and get them here, they reality is this situation is out of my control. my coach feels that if this is the worse thing that is going to happen on my way to the stage then i am doing ok. as he pointed out, my physique has come in the way that both he and the nutritionist intended, thus it doesn't really matter what i am wearing. any placings i have are not going to hinge on the fact that the suits i will be wearing will be off the rack. he also said that 'we both know this is not the last time you will be doing this so...', ummm... its not???!!!.
the other interesting thing was i completely lost my mind yesterday anyway. i woke up in this funk that i can't explain. i unloaded in my online journal on my bodybuilding board and i think i may have scared the hell outta some of my friends. those of them who have competed previously told me to calm down and that my feelings were a direct result of the show prep. again... i had no idea that show prep would be like this. my mood is sometimes comparable to a whammo super ball bouncing around inside of a squash court. although for the most part, i think i haven't been too difficult to be around.
finally ran into one of the account managers from work, who i haven't seen in a while. she noticed that i had lost a lot of weight, (17 lbs to date), apparently she thinks i look good at this weight and was amazed to hear that i had no intentions of staying here. i may look good to her but i can barely stand, i have zero strength and energy.
today i get to try boiled chicken... there's the microwave, well here goes!
i am sure i am coming across as unnaturally calm and in a way i guess i am. fact is although i am still trying to locate my suits and get them here, they reality is this situation is out of my control. my coach feels that if this is the worse thing that is going to happen on my way to the stage then i am doing ok. as he pointed out, my physique has come in the way that both he and the nutritionist intended, thus it doesn't really matter what i am wearing. any placings i have are not going to hinge on the fact that the suits i will be wearing will be off the rack. he also said that 'we both know this is not the last time you will be doing this so...', ummm... its not???!!!.
the other interesting thing was i completely lost my mind yesterday anyway. i woke up in this funk that i can't explain. i unloaded in my online journal on my bodybuilding board and i think i may have scared the hell outta some of my friends. those of them who have competed previously told me to calm down and that my feelings were a direct result of the show prep. again... i had no idea that show prep would be like this. my mood is sometimes comparable to a whammo super ball bouncing around inside of a squash court. although for the most part, i think i haven't been too difficult to be around.
finally ran into one of the account managers from work, who i haven't seen in a while. she noticed that i had lost a lot of weight, (17 lbs to date), apparently she thinks i look good at this weight and was amazed to hear that i had no intentions of staying here. i may look good to her but i can barely stand, i have zero strength and energy.
today i get to try boiled chicken... there's the microwave, well here goes!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
no more drama
well i am up at 4:00 am as per usual, but yesterday was my last workout. for the better part of 3 weeks i won't training. to be honest i have no clue how i am going to make it through that.
pre-contest is really traumatic to the body. don't get me wrong you do adjust your workouts according to your carbohydrate input but you still require your body do way more, on way less than its used to or comfortable with. but nothing about the last few weeks is particularily comfortable. that was not a complaint mind you, just merely a statement of fact.
today i get to start putting carbs back into my diet. i have spent the last few weeks getting as flat as a pancake, and i honestly can't explain how much of a mind fawk that was. i finally made myself take pictures on the weekend. i have never been this lean, you could see teeny tiny muscle bellies... but they were still teeny and tiny. according to my coach, my nutritionist and others in the know after the carb loading phase those teeny tiny bellies are going to fill up and i'm going to be huge. currently praying for 'huuuge'.
seems i somehow managed to screw up my mailing address and my suits have yet to arrive. since i can't afford to lose all my hard work to increased cortisol levels i am trying desperately not to worry or panic.
interestingly enough i am very tired. as i sit here typing this, my belly now full of chicken and sweet potato, i am suddenly aware of how tired i am feeling. i think i will set my alarm for 6:00 am. i will go back to bed and sleep for a little bit and then get up practice posing and go through my routine a few times before i get ready to go to work.
its due to rain today... so i won't be riding my bike in. besides i think i am probably still too carb depleted to be trying something like that.
pre-contest is really traumatic to the body. don't get me wrong you do adjust your workouts according to your carbohydrate input but you still require your body do way more, on way less than its used to or comfortable with. but nothing about the last few weeks is particularily comfortable. that was not a complaint mind you, just merely a statement of fact.
today i get to start putting carbs back into my diet. i have spent the last few weeks getting as flat as a pancake, and i honestly can't explain how much of a mind fawk that was. i finally made myself take pictures on the weekend. i have never been this lean, you could see teeny tiny muscle bellies... but they were still teeny and tiny. according to my coach, my nutritionist and others in the know after the carb loading phase those teeny tiny bellies are going to fill up and i'm going to be huge. currently praying for 'huuuge'.
seems i somehow managed to screw up my mailing address and my suits have yet to arrive. since i can't afford to lose all my hard work to increased cortisol levels i am trying desperately not to worry or panic.
interestingly enough i am very tired. as i sit here typing this, my belly now full of chicken and sweet potato, i am suddenly aware of how tired i am feeling. i think i will set my alarm for 6:00 am. i will go back to bed and sleep for a little bit and then get up practice posing and go through my routine a few times before i get ready to go to work.
its due to rain today... so i won't be riding my bike in. besides i think i am probably still too carb depleted to be trying something like that.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
untitled
usually when i sit down to compose a blog entry either the title is already in my head or at the very least i have a vague idea what im going to be on about. today however, is not like that.
things are definately more tricky at this point. i seem to be okay when i get up in the morning... sure my balance is a bit off but i do seem to be able exhibit some motor control. post gym however my balance and motor control seems to be, well... how can i put this eloquently??? for sh*t. it is my best guess that there are some horrified people at tim horton's in the mornings. i just know they are disgusted that i am clearly drunk at 8:00 am.
i went to a opa show last saturday. i went with some new 'old' friends. new in the sense that was the first we've met, but old in the sense that we have been online friends for some time. i think that is why i felt like i was spending sometime with old friends.
the show was long. i was frustrated by the number of figure competitors and their ridiculous class distinctions; figure short, figure medium, figure medium tall and figure tall. ok people what da azz if medium tall? its like watching a physique contest at starbucks. really what is next? figure short medium??? anyway as luck would have it we ended up leaving before we even got to see the mens middleweight bodybuilding class. it was already almost 11pm and i had to train and work in the morning.
as for the rest of it... well i didnt tell the other women with me but watching the show yesterday really kind of wigged me out. i started to get nervous... i started to wonder about my decision to compete. i never wanted to be small on stage and yesterday i realized that i don't look any bigger than the women i intended to be bigger than.
also for the first time in a really long time i shot some progress pics. i was really hoping that the pics would recover my fallen ego... i guess that was the reason why i hadn't been taking pics of late. my fallen ego remains... in a pile of ashes. i think i will share the pics with a few of my online buds... i think i need a healthy dose of blown sunshine to help me recover my confidence. everyone keeps telling me to wait till the morning of, after i fill back out... but at this point i just can't see how i am going to look any way other than tiny.
finally i found out that one of my friends has made the decisions to share with some people my decision to compete. i am pissed about that. the decision who to share this information with is mine. bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions.
since i know that there is a faction of society who equates bodybuilding with drug usage i am careful who i trust with the information that i am stepping into the realm of competitive bodybuilding. i guess it all boils down to me not wanting some think they know it all azz monkey assuming im taking this or that because they only know of one side of the sport.
hell my family doesn't even know and they are front line in dealing with the brunt of my funky moods. had a doozy rockin' today too. my coach thinks they should be told... i think its a bad idea. fawk, we are into the home stretch now... all they have to do is sit tight a little while longer and it will all be over.
things are definately more tricky at this point. i seem to be okay when i get up in the morning... sure my balance is a bit off but i do seem to be able exhibit some motor control. post gym however my balance and motor control seems to be, well... how can i put this eloquently??? for sh*t. it is my best guess that there are some horrified people at tim horton's in the mornings. i just know they are disgusted that i am clearly drunk at 8:00 am.
i went to a opa show last saturday. i went with some new 'old' friends. new in the sense that was the first we've met, but old in the sense that we have been online friends for some time. i think that is why i felt like i was spending sometime with old friends.
the show was long. i was frustrated by the number of figure competitors and their ridiculous class distinctions; figure short, figure medium, figure medium tall and figure tall. ok people what da azz if medium tall? its like watching a physique contest at starbucks. really what is next? figure short medium??? anyway as luck would have it we ended up leaving before we even got to see the mens middleweight bodybuilding class. it was already almost 11pm and i had to train and work in the morning.
as for the rest of it... well i didnt tell the other women with me but watching the show yesterday really kind of wigged me out. i started to get nervous... i started to wonder about my decision to compete. i never wanted to be small on stage and yesterday i realized that i don't look any bigger than the women i intended to be bigger than.
also for the first time in a really long time i shot some progress pics. i was really hoping that the pics would recover my fallen ego... i guess that was the reason why i hadn't been taking pics of late. my fallen ego remains... in a pile of ashes. i think i will share the pics with a few of my online buds... i think i need a healthy dose of blown sunshine to help me recover my confidence. everyone keeps telling me to wait till the morning of, after i fill back out... but at this point i just can't see how i am going to look any way other than tiny.
finally i found out that one of my friends has made the decisions to share with some people my decision to compete. i am pissed about that. the decision who to share this information with is mine. bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions.
since i know that there is a faction of society who equates bodybuilding with drug usage i am careful who i trust with the information that i am stepping into the realm of competitive bodybuilding. i guess it all boils down to me not wanting some think they know it all azz monkey assuming im taking this or that because they only know of one side of the sport.
hell my family doesn't even know and they are front line in dealing with the brunt of my funky moods. had a doozy rockin' today too. my coach thinks they should be told... i think its a bad idea. fawk, we are into the home stretch now... all they have to do is sit tight a little while longer and it will all be over.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
on final approach
i am on the final approach on my journey to the stage. it has been a very interesting trip. there were things i anticipated and expected and things that caught me completely off guard.
i had an interesting reaction tuesday morning. in my opinion one of the few times i've really struggled with this prep. tuesday morning entailed some posing practice, routine practice, i don't think i told you that my coach changed my music... basically in the studio he and the musician doing the edit changed a few things that basically entailed me having to learn a new ending, leg extensions and a.m cardio. never in my life have i ever felt that tired. i could barely walk, i was nodding off in my car at the lights. i would be lying if i didn't admit to starting to worry. luckily a couple sticks of gum and a meal fixed me right up.
tuesday night had me at the MAC counter augmenting my make-up collection. which is pretty funny when you realize that i never wear the sh*t... so spending another $90 to add more make-up to my collection is ironic to say the least.
i sat down with my nutritionist today and he layed out for me the plan for the last few miles of this trip. i am glad he wrote it all down because right now my head is spinning. i think i need to petition someone to get an extra 4 hours put into each day. i am going to need that time to get things organized for the show.
i had an interesting reaction tuesday morning. in my opinion one of the few times i've really struggled with this prep. tuesday morning entailed some posing practice, routine practice, i don't think i told you that my coach changed my music... basically in the studio he and the musician doing the edit changed a few things that basically entailed me having to learn a new ending, leg extensions and a.m cardio. never in my life have i ever felt that tired. i could barely walk, i was nodding off in my car at the lights. i would be lying if i didn't admit to starting to worry. luckily a couple sticks of gum and a meal fixed me right up.
tuesday night had me at the MAC counter augmenting my make-up collection. which is pretty funny when you realize that i never wear the sh*t... so spending another $90 to add more make-up to my collection is ironic to say the least.
i sat down with my nutritionist today and he layed out for me the plan for the last few miles of this trip. i am glad he wrote it all down because right now my head is spinning. i think i need to petition someone to get an extra 4 hours put into each day. i am going to need that time to get things organized for the show.
Monday, June 12, 2006
go figure
okay now this i simply don't get i am on a low carb, essentially no carb diet rotation. from all pre-diet reports i would likely be somewhere between maniacal and uber-b*tchy. now i will admit to having 2 reported occaisions wherein i can honestly say i reacted with a bit more 'ummmpf' than was duly necessary (but burn your yams on your carb day and see how well you take it!).
but what confuses me is that in many regards the loss of carbs seems to have settled me to some degree. i find i am calmer, i don't feel that i over-react as quickly or as often as i am used to. in fact the azz monkeys in my life who are determined to piss me off, well they do annoy but i just can't be bothered to react.
but for the record... no matter how well it settles me, as soon as the diet is complete i plan to re-embrace the carbs. this lil girl's got some growin' to do people!!!
watch out world here i come!!!
but what confuses me is that in many regards the loss of carbs seems to have settled me to some degree. i find i am calmer, i don't feel that i over-react as quickly or as often as i am used to. in fact the azz monkeys in my life who are determined to piss me off, well they do annoy but i just can't be bothered to react.
but for the record... no matter how well it settles me, as soon as the diet is complete i plan to re-embrace the carbs. this lil girl's got some growin' to do people!!!
watch out world here i come!!!
Friday, June 09, 2006
diggin deep
this my friends is the interesting part of the journey. this is the part that, if you allow me the use of an old cliche is, seperates the mice from the men. the carb cycling, the lower calories, the training, et al have netted me with the most interesting of feelings. monday worked out to be a day without carbs and it was still my quad day. so there i was running on empty but still doing two squat variations.
well i woke up tuesday and i was not myself. even though i got carbs that day i was still a mess. standing, walking you name it every activity was carried out as though i was standing on the deck of a small boat floating in rough water. i soldiered through one of the most challenging cardio sessions of my life. i literally felt like i might fall and just trying to co-ordinate my legs was something else entirely.
in fact tuesday evening i went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine to thank one of my friends for his help with my bike purchase. best guess, i think i made it all of 20 feet from the front of the store before i was standing over a $33 puddle of wine. one second i was holding onto the bag and the next i just let it go. so back into the LCBO i went for another $33 bottle.
wednesday was a follow up with my nutritionist. its not suprising to find that he still has a battalion of other 'tricks' to help dial me in. i am currently 12lbs less than when i started and i have also lost about 7% of body fat. i expect that i will be somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13% by the time the show rolls around. cardio twice a day has started now... yippee! as well i've also started back in the phone booth, time to lay down the base colour before the show.
i am proud of a few things. they are small changes in the grand scheme of things, but they are huge for me. i have been going into the studio at the gym on my cardio only days and i have been practicing my posing and my routine. there is just way more room there than in my bedroom at home. i am trying to force myself to ignore the curious onlookers. also i have started to do the cardio in my tank again. simply because i am that flipping warm, i am still suffering from 'smallness' but the desire not to pass out from overheating is superseding my feelings of inadequacy. the kicker is i have sort of invited 2 people to the show and told another i was doing it.
why? well my coach, i strongly believe, has told half of the free world and wether i like it or not there are going to be way more members of my gym at the show that day. bodybuilding fans??? nope just curious onlookers. so i figure since i already have all these people coming... what difference does it make. if i crash and burn like i normally do in competition in front of friends and family well then the more the merrier... cuz trust me nobody crashes and burns as entertaining as i do. i believe ESPN probably still has the footage!
today is friday and i can honestly say its the best my legs have felt in days however, i am still feeling like a marionette... as though someone else was pulling the strings that operate my legs.
i am the warrior
well i woke up tuesday and i was not myself. even though i got carbs that day i was still a mess. standing, walking you name it every activity was carried out as though i was standing on the deck of a small boat floating in rough water. i soldiered through one of the most challenging cardio sessions of my life. i literally felt like i might fall and just trying to co-ordinate my legs was something else entirely.
in fact tuesday evening i went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine to thank one of my friends for his help with my bike purchase. best guess, i think i made it all of 20 feet from the front of the store before i was standing over a $33 puddle of wine. one second i was holding onto the bag and the next i just let it go. so back into the LCBO i went for another $33 bottle.
wednesday was a follow up with my nutritionist. its not suprising to find that he still has a battalion of other 'tricks' to help dial me in. i am currently 12lbs less than when i started and i have also lost about 7% of body fat. i expect that i will be somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13% by the time the show rolls around. cardio twice a day has started now... yippee! as well i've also started back in the phone booth, time to lay down the base colour before the show.
i am proud of a few things. they are small changes in the grand scheme of things, but they are huge for me. i have been going into the studio at the gym on my cardio only days and i have been practicing my posing and my routine. there is just way more room there than in my bedroom at home. i am trying to force myself to ignore the curious onlookers. also i have started to do the cardio in my tank again. simply because i am that flipping warm, i am still suffering from 'smallness' but the desire not to pass out from overheating is superseding my feelings of inadequacy. the kicker is i have sort of invited 2 people to the show and told another i was doing it.
why? well my coach, i strongly believe, has told half of the free world and wether i like it or not there are going to be way more members of my gym at the show that day. bodybuilding fans??? nope just curious onlookers. so i figure since i already have all these people coming... what difference does it make. if i crash and burn like i normally do in competition in front of friends and family well then the more the merrier... cuz trust me nobody crashes and burns as entertaining as i do. i believe ESPN probably still has the footage!
today is friday and i can honestly say its the best my legs have felt in days however, i am still feeling like a marionette... as though someone else was pulling the strings that operate my legs.
i am the warrior
Saturday, June 03, 2006
guess who's back
well my friends my computer has been resurrected. i'd love to say that i got the information of my seized hard drive but sadly that's not the case. as it stands i still have the unit, but i've got to save up a whole wack of cashola to get my information off the drive.
again, i can't just turn my back on 3 years of bodybuilding progress, nutrition plans. that is information that i feel i can't do without. there is a lesson here. next time i will be smarter.
well i'm heavy into the carb rotations. in the beginning it wasn't as bad as i feared. the carb free days weren't even as hellacious as i imagined. however i have been doing it for a little over a week and i can honestly say i am starting to feel different. my legs are tired and heavy. i feel the need to sit more than i did before. granted i can still train but cardio is really starting to suck something awful.
the other interesting change in this journey to the stage is a sudden feeling thats overcome me in the last little while. simply i feel small. okay now i am currently 12lbs less than i was when i started this journey but that's not what i mean. i mean when i look in the mirror i dont see a bodybuilder, i just see small... and i don't think i like it. i've asked around on the boards and what i am feeling is normal, its part of the mental game that has to be endured. i guess the lack of carbs to some extent is responsible for my irrationality.
i will continue to charge toward the stage but in the back of my mind i focus on the muscle mass that i will be putting on in my next offseason.
the battle continues my friend and this tired warrior marches on.
again, i can't just turn my back on 3 years of bodybuilding progress, nutrition plans. that is information that i feel i can't do without. there is a lesson here. next time i will be smarter.
well i'm heavy into the carb rotations. in the beginning it wasn't as bad as i feared. the carb free days weren't even as hellacious as i imagined. however i have been doing it for a little over a week and i can honestly say i am starting to feel different. my legs are tired and heavy. i feel the need to sit more than i did before. granted i can still train but cardio is really starting to suck something awful.
the other interesting change in this journey to the stage is a sudden feeling thats overcome me in the last little while. simply i feel small. okay now i am currently 12lbs less than i was when i started this journey but that's not what i mean. i mean when i look in the mirror i dont see a bodybuilder, i just see small... and i don't think i like it. i've asked around on the boards and what i am feeling is normal, its part of the mental game that has to be endured. i guess the lack of carbs to some extent is responsible for my irrationality.
i will continue to charge toward the stage but in the back of my mind i focus on the muscle mass that i will be putting on in my next offseason.
the battle continues my friend and this tired warrior marches on.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
'click' and then silence
hey folks. in case you are wondering i am not in a carb depletion coma, nor have i expired. what has happened is the hard drive on my computer is dead. i was happily surfing and posting along and i heard this click sound after the click the system froze and that my friends was all she wrote... literally.
since then i have had a new hard drive installed in the machine but everything i need is on the other drive. i currently have said drive on a life support system with a data recovery specialist. its going to cost me 'nuff ducats' to get my info but ive got sh*t on there i can't do without. at least 3 years of progress pics, jobs i've worked on, dietary charting going back easy 3 years, etc...
as for training. well i am into the low carb dietary rotation. its going a lot better than i previously expected it to be. basically i switch between low carb days and no carb days.
i had an incident yesterday at the gym post workout. i was attempting to cook my yams in the gym microwave, ive never done yams that way before and subsequently i overcooked them. i was left with little yam shaped bricks. well the realization that i was going to have to go to work basically hungry was too much. hucked a bit of a fit at the gym in front of my coach and then i stormed out of the gym. so i am in my car driving to work. i am hungry and i am pissed off. as luck would have it yesterday was also the day the transit system decided to stage a wildcat strike. it took me 2 hours to drive to work!!! needless to say i was not a nice person to be around yesterday... to say the least.
hopefully i will get some good news about my drive today and maybe i will soon have my system up and running.
btw the bike and i are having a blast!!!
since then i have had a new hard drive installed in the machine but everything i need is on the other drive. i currently have said drive on a life support system with a data recovery specialist. its going to cost me 'nuff ducats' to get my info but ive got sh*t on there i can't do without. at least 3 years of progress pics, jobs i've worked on, dietary charting going back easy 3 years, etc...
as for training. well i am into the low carb dietary rotation. its going a lot better than i previously expected it to be. basically i switch between low carb days and no carb days.
i had an incident yesterday at the gym post workout. i was attempting to cook my yams in the gym microwave, ive never done yams that way before and subsequently i overcooked them. i was left with little yam shaped bricks. well the realization that i was going to have to go to work basically hungry was too much. hucked a bit of a fit at the gym in front of my coach and then i stormed out of the gym. so i am in my car driving to work. i am hungry and i am pissed off. as luck would have it yesterday was also the day the transit system decided to stage a wildcat strike. it took me 2 hours to drive to work!!! needless to say i was not a nice person to be around yesterday... to say the least.
hopefully i will get some good news about my drive today and maybe i will soon have my system up and running.
btw the bike and i are having a blast!!!
Saturday, May 20, 2006
i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people LIKE me!
interestingly enough, this journey to the stage has me becoming more aware of my qualities. well i'd say the good and the bad but the truth is i have always been aware of the bad. i guess i just haven't always given myself enough credit.
i think i mentioned before that i have been losing sleep time because a couple of friends are going through their own personal turmoils. usually they turn to me, to talk, minutes from my 9 pm curfew and because of who i am, i usually end up staying up way past the aforementioned curfew.
my coach and i were discussing personality types during our last workout, which is what prompted todays comments. he described himself as an 'extremist', in the sense that everything he does or tries to do is on a grandiose level. he was also talking about other extremists we know and explaining that when extremists are up they are way up and when they fail, you just don't want to be around them.
it was then that i realized that i am a 'fixer'. i assume that it is a positive trait but since there aren't that many people in my life perhaps it is not. at any rate, if you have a problem i try to help. if you are down i try to make you happy. if your hurt... you get the idea. in a way it suprises me that i don't have more friends, you would think that would be the kind of person people want in their life. the reality seems to be the opposite. life can be funny like that.
i was supposed to pick up my bike and bring her home yesterday. unfortunately her fairings are still at the shop getting the plastic welds. this is not the best time of the year for cosmetic bike repairs as the shops are all filled to capacity with bikes that are getting ready for the summer. the new plan is to get her today. keep your fingers crossed.
oh yeah my coach, had this to say about the impending bike arrival. "if you ever kill yourself on that thing... i will bring you back to life, so that i can kill you myself!!!". and he THINKS after 6 years he needs to TELL me that he is an extremist???
i think i mentioned before that i have been losing sleep time because a couple of friends are going through their own personal turmoils. usually they turn to me, to talk, minutes from my 9 pm curfew and because of who i am, i usually end up staying up way past the aforementioned curfew.
my coach and i were discussing personality types during our last workout, which is what prompted todays comments. he described himself as an 'extremist', in the sense that everything he does or tries to do is on a grandiose level. he was also talking about other extremists we know and explaining that when extremists are up they are way up and when they fail, you just don't want to be around them.
it was then that i realized that i am a 'fixer'. i assume that it is a positive trait but since there aren't that many people in my life perhaps it is not. at any rate, if you have a problem i try to help. if you are down i try to make you happy. if your hurt... you get the idea. in a way it suprises me that i don't have more friends, you would think that would be the kind of person people want in their life. the reality seems to be the opposite. life can be funny like that.
i was supposed to pick up my bike and bring her home yesterday. unfortunately her fairings are still at the shop getting the plastic welds. this is not the best time of the year for cosmetic bike repairs as the shops are all filled to capacity with bikes that are getting ready for the summer. the new plan is to get her today. keep your fingers crossed.
oh yeah my coach, had this to say about the impending bike arrival. "if you ever kill yourself on that thing... i will bring you back to life, so that i can kill you myself!!!". and he THINKS after 6 years he needs to TELL me that he is an extremist???
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
must be made of sugar
set the alarm for 6am like i've been aiming to do on the off/cardio only day. got up this morning got dressed looked out the window and saw rain. rain and i really hate running... so i made an executive decision. i WILL be going to the gym on my way home from work tonight to do my pm cardio. fawk this a.m running shit. i will be sleeping in till 6:30 as before. if i get stuck at work and can't leave on time, so be it. gym is open 24 hours anyway. does it really matter if i cut into my sleep in the mornings or in the night? i think not.
ordered a couple of bottles of pro tan yesterday. looks like they had it in stock too because i've already gotten word from canada post that the shipment will be here shortly.
i need to go by the MAC booth at work i need to investigate what colours might be best for the stage. my coaches girl will be doing the make up for me so i no longer have to worry about application but the stuff that i do own, is likely not dramatic enough. i probably have to let one of those tranny guys have at my face. will do this BEFORE i leave for home. i will not be going back to work like that!!
i still need to stop by the hair salon and let her have a go at my hair again. we really need to come up with something i can live with.
finally sunday night i put my 'music' on repeat and practiced it 15 times in a row. i think maybe i can pull this off. my coach has added this element in the middle that concerns me. concern in the sense of... will i have the inner cajones to do that on stage in front of a room full of strangers while dressed only in my underwear. i mean i can do it in my bedroom but there was nobody in here... so it wasn't intimdating in the slightest.
i guess... only time will tell.
ordered a couple of bottles of pro tan yesterday. looks like they had it in stock too because i've already gotten word from canada post that the shipment will be here shortly.
i need to go by the MAC booth at work i need to investigate what colours might be best for the stage. my coaches girl will be doing the make up for me so i no longer have to worry about application but the stuff that i do own, is likely not dramatic enough. i probably have to let one of those tranny guys have at my face. will do this BEFORE i leave for home. i will not be going back to work like that!!
i still need to stop by the hair salon and let her have a go at my hair again. we really need to come up with something i can live with.
finally sunday night i put my 'music' on repeat and practiced it 15 times in a row. i think maybe i can pull this off. my coach has added this element in the middle that concerns me. concern in the sense of... will i have the inner cajones to do that on stage in front of a room full of strangers while dressed only in my underwear. i mean i can do it in my bedroom but there was nobody in here... so it wasn't intimdating in the slightest.
i guess... only time will tell.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
dis, dat and de udda ting
on friday i got an email from a friend i used to skate with back in the day. as you know life happens and we drifted apart. the fact that she lives in another province didn't help much either.
well she was one of the many people i shared this blog url with and she ended up sending me an email. i gave her a call and we spent probably an hour on the phone today getting caught up. hey give me a break its been 4 years, its hard to condense 4 years into 5 or 10 minutes.
it was great hearing from her and it is amazing how many similarities there still are in our lives. believe it or not she bought a bike last november and i just got mine. both of us own ninja 500's hers is an '03 and mine is an '93. anyway we made a promise to do a better job of staying in touch. and i for one really think we will, we were really good friends and we had a blast whenever we hung out. i don't think we ever had a bad or uncomfortable minute. i realized after i hung up how much i missed our friendship.
my coach and i have been working on my posing routine more frequently of late. today we were in the studio for an hour or so. i have most of that time on videotape. i just finished watching it... well the parts of it i could see through the tears. my coach and i are sooooo silly. we are working hard on this piece but we still manage to add moments of absolute hilarity. in a way its a shame no one but me will ever see this tape.
i went looking for competition tans today. the most popular brand seems to be pro tan but unfortunately i can't get it here. i found a site online out of b.c that says they have it, i think i probably should order a couple bottles. i want to do it early enough that its here when i need it but not too early. i think i may have to ask around on the boards to see if i have to worry about its shelf life.
woke up again at 3am. this is a habit i do not like. was pretty tired all day too.
and finally the turkey burger at lick's today was awesome!!!!!!
well she was one of the many people i shared this blog url with and she ended up sending me an email. i gave her a call and we spent probably an hour on the phone today getting caught up. hey give me a break its been 4 years, its hard to condense 4 years into 5 or 10 minutes.
it was great hearing from her and it is amazing how many similarities there still are in our lives. believe it or not she bought a bike last november and i just got mine. both of us own ninja 500's hers is an '03 and mine is an '93. anyway we made a promise to do a better job of staying in touch. and i for one really think we will, we were really good friends and we had a blast whenever we hung out. i don't think we ever had a bad or uncomfortable minute. i realized after i hung up how much i missed our friendship.
my coach and i have been working on my posing routine more frequently of late. today we were in the studio for an hour or so. i have most of that time on videotape. i just finished watching it... well the parts of it i could see through the tears. my coach and i are sooooo silly. we are working hard on this piece but we still manage to add moments of absolute hilarity. in a way its a shame no one but me will ever see this tape.
i went looking for competition tans today. the most popular brand seems to be pro tan but unfortunately i can't get it here. i found a site online out of b.c that says they have it, i think i probably should order a couple bottles. i want to do it early enough that its here when i need it but not too early. i think i may have to ask around on the boards to see if i have to worry about its shelf life.
woke up again at 3am. this is a habit i do not like. was pretty tired all day too.
and finally the turkey burger at lick's today was awesome!!!!!!
Friday, May 12, 2006
yikes!!!
okay if ever there was an argument for healthy eating this was it. i woke up this morning the day after a 'healthy' serving of pasta and the day after, the day after a slice of pizza annnndd...
it's all gone. the detail in my delts, the beginning of my ab pac... all of it gone. adios, see ya later and goodbye. bummer.
sent out an email at work yesterday explaining that i would be low carbing it after may 25th and begging their forgiveness and understanding for my moods from now. when i told my mother the same thing she asked me to move out till the diet was over. since i have no plans to move out she told me that she was going to find herself an apartment until the diet was over.
what do you suppose my mother was trying to tell me??
it's all gone. the detail in my delts, the beginning of my ab pac... all of it gone. adios, see ya later and goodbye. bummer.
sent out an email at work yesterday explaining that i would be low carbing it after may 25th and begging their forgiveness and understanding for my moods from now. when i told my mother the same thing she asked me to move out till the diet was over. since i have no plans to move out she told me that she was going to find herself an apartment until the diet was over.
what do you suppose my mother was trying to tell me??
Thursday, May 11, 2006
the calm before the storm
i had another positive and interesting meeting with the nutritionist who is doing my diet prep for this show. i am still coming in nicely and i am still maintaining my muscle mass. at this point its almost time to shake things up and bring the pain. by bringing the pain we are talking about severly low carb days. yikes!!
but that will not start until after my next appointment two weeks from now. until then i have been directed to have a few cheats. the man told me to go have a slice of pizza right after i finished seeing him. he wants me to have a couple of pasta meals and i am also supposed to go to lick's and get a couple of turkey burgers with cheese. well okay... if he insists. i am a little afraid about how much harder the low carb days will be after a couple weeks of cheats.
and... cardio is now up to 40 mins a day.
but that will not start until after my next appointment two weeks from now. until then i have been directed to have a few cheats. the man told me to go have a slice of pizza right after i finished seeing him. he wants me to have a couple of pasta meals and i am also supposed to go to lick's and get a couple of turkey burgers with cheese. well okay... if he insists. i am a little afraid about how much harder the low carb days will be after a couple weeks of cheats.
and... cardio is now up to 40 mins a day.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
wide awake again
couldn't sleep i've been up since 3am. i have to be up at 4am anyway so i guess it's no big deal. guess i started thinking and couldn't stop. there are a lot of things that i am excited about so likely that has much to do with it.
had to go and find originals of the songs that we are going to use to make the posing routine. i'm not sure when we are doing it but next we will be going to a studio to put it all together. we are opening with the intro to the song hope by twista that is used on the coach carter soundtrack, from there the tempo changes. originally it went straight into guess who's back by rakim but my coach fell in love with this other song that he really wants to use. the beat is cool and all but i'm not really feeling the lyrics.
the song please by toni braxton he wants to use after the twista piece. toni's song lyrics include:
I know you watch all over here,
Tryna finda way to come into my situation,
But you should know this. Its all good so be cool.
Tell your girl i dont care to fight I got him locked,
and he's all mine so you should know better than
To think that you could ever put it down like i can.
now those of you who know me well, know that i always lose the man, wether someone is trying to take him from me or not. after 6 weeks the guy in question always becomes a track star and takes off faster than an olympic athlete coming out of the blocks.
why do the lyrics matter? well i know from training and from skating that i preform best to songs i like, that i identify with, i basically feed off of the songs energy.
my coach likes the song because it opens up a lot of opportunities with regards to the routine itself. we have discussed my concerns and he hopes that i can focus on the beat and not what she is saying.
oh well its only going to be about 15-20 secs of that song and then its rakim all up in yo face!!!!!!
had to go and find originals of the songs that we are going to use to make the posing routine. i'm not sure when we are doing it but next we will be going to a studio to put it all together. we are opening with the intro to the song hope by twista that is used on the coach carter soundtrack, from there the tempo changes. originally it went straight into guess who's back by rakim but my coach fell in love with this other song that he really wants to use. the beat is cool and all but i'm not really feeling the lyrics.
the song please by toni braxton he wants to use after the twista piece. toni's song lyrics include:
I know you watch all over here,
Tryna finda way to come into my situation,
But you should know this. Its all good so be cool.
Tell your girl i dont care to fight I got him locked,
and he's all mine so you should know better than
To think that you could ever put it down like i can.
now those of you who know me well, know that i always lose the man, wether someone is trying to take him from me or not. after 6 weeks the guy in question always becomes a track star and takes off faster than an olympic athlete coming out of the blocks.
why do the lyrics matter? well i know from training and from skating that i preform best to songs i like, that i identify with, i basically feed off of the songs energy.
my coach likes the song because it opens up a lot of opportunities with regards to the routine itself. we have discussed my concerns and he hopes that i can focus on the beat and not what she is saying.
oh well its only going to be about 15-20 secs of that song and then its rakim all up in yo face!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
the little details
well as you know i have been pretty focused in my prep and my desire has always been to be prepared and leave no stone unturned. well i still have a couple of stones that haven't recieved their fare share of attention. the hair and make-up.
sure i got juliet to try something with my mop a couple months ago, but it didn't appeal to me. i need to go back and get her to try something else, i think i want her to braid my hair into some soft of pony-tail type thing. im thinking that will keep the balance of my hair off of my shoulders and back (the locks are pretty freakin long now).
as well i did go to the MAC counter and i did buy a darker foundation off of a young transvestite who seemed rather enamoured of my arms. and as much fun as that experience was i haven't done anything about application.
need to get my azz in gear. i think hair and make-up are too areas that intimidate me greatly and this is why i'm not really giving them the attention i should.
in other news there is a vein in my bicep that i no longer have to be training to see. now for those of you not into bodybuilding, the appearance of veins is a good thing. it basically means that i am getting nice and lean, which i might add has been the goal all along.
as well... she wrote me back. which was kind of cool and honestly, quite unexpected. her email was very encouraging and she asked to see pictures, she may put them up on her website. i talked to a few people first and the general consensus was go for it, so last night i did.
finally made it into bed for 9pm. unfortunately i got a call from a friend about a GS500 at 10:45pm and then a wrong number at midnight. i don't think the wrong number appreciated my choice of language.
sure i got juliet to try something with my mop a couple months ago, but it didn't appeal to me. i need to go back and get her to try something else, i think i want her to braid my hair into some soft of pony-tail type thing. im thinking that will keep the balance of my hair off of my shoulders and back (the locks are pretty freakin long now).
as well i did go to the MAC counter and i did buy a darker foundation off of a young transvestite who seemed rather enamoured of my arms. and as much fun as that experience was i haven't done anything about application.
need to get my azz in gear. i think hair and make-up are too areas that intimidate me greatly and this is why i'm not really giving them the attention i should.
in other news there is a vein in my bicep that i no longer have to be training to see. now for those of you not into bodybuilding, the appearance of veins is a good thing. it basically means that i am getting nice and lean, which i might add has been the goal all along.
as well... she wrote me back. which was kind of cool and honestly, quite unexpected. her email was very encouraging and she asked to see pictures, she may put them up on her website. i talked to a few people first and the general consensus was go for it, so last night i did.
finally made it into bed for 9pm. unfortunately i got a call from a friend about a GS500 at 10:45pm and then a wrong number at midnight. i don't think the wrong number appreciated my choice of language.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
lights, camera, action!!
so as i mentioned yesterday morning was posing practice. we went through the mandatories a few times and then he wanted to see how i was coming along with the routine. well i have this one area of concern, basically there is this turn element at which the posing tempo changes briefly from a two count to a one count. most times i get all fawked up at this point. anyway we got through it a few times and i have it on tape.
when i got home from the gym yesterday i unpacked my camcorder but i could not bring myself to watch the footage. i was, i guess afraid. now my coach was so excited about what we were doing and the more times i got through it successfully the more animated he got. he is convinced i am going to do very well. this is very comforting, however, it was still a few hours before i got up the nerve to watch it.
what do i think? i don't know, i guess i will have to watch it again. i do know that it is always difficult to watch yourself perform. i know that from my skating days, on the skate footage i always appeared more stiff and more herky-jerky than i felt.
my coachs final comments and recommendation. practice, practice, practice smiling more.
in one of my earlier entries i made mention of a friend who was going through a difficult time. i am happy to report that i spoke to my friend recently and there has been a light at the end of the tunnel. this makes me very happy, i worry about all of my friends... some of them i worry about more than others. but my ability to worry is all part of my charm. now to that friend i say this; i am so very glad that things have finally improved for you. i want you to continue to do everything in your power to stay on this path.
also, i think i've been feeling a bit lost on this journey. i don't know too many natural bodybuilders and sometimes i think that although bodybuilding is still bodybuilding, there is enough of a difference that its sort of not the same. so anyway there is a natural bodybuilder who's website i've been to and who's blog i read regularily. i decided yesterday to send her an email, i wasn't asking for anything, i don't need anything per se. but she is about 10 weeks out from her show and of course she has been doing shows forever so i thought she might be good to talk to. guess we will see if she has time to respond.
better get to the gym.
when i got home from the gym yesterday i unpacked my camcorder but i could not bring myself to watch the footage. i was, i guess afraid. now my coach was so excited about what we were doing and the more times i got through it successfully the more animated he got. he is convinced i am going to do very well. this is very comforting, however, it was still a few hours before i got up the nerve to watch it.
what do i think? i don't know, i guess i will have to watch it again. i do know that it is always difficult to watch yourself perform. i know that from my skating days, on the skate footage i always appeared more stiff and more herky-jerky than i felt.
my coachs final comments and recommendation. practice, practice, practice smiling more.
in one of my earlier entries i made mention of a friend who was going through a difficult time. i am happy to report that i spoke to my friend recently and there has been a light at the end of the tunnel. this makes me very happy, i worry about all of my friends... some of them i worry about more than others. but my ability to worry is all part of my charm. now to that friend i say this; i am so very glad that things have finally improved for you. i want you to continue to do everything in your power to stay on this path.
also, i think i've been feeling a bit lost on this journey. i don't know too many natural bodybuilders and sometimes i think that although bodybuilding is still bodybuilding, there is enough of a difference that its sort of not the same. so anyway there is a natural bodybuilder who's website i've been to and who's blog i read regularily. i decided yesterday to send her an email, i wasn't asking for anything, i don't need anything per se. but she is about 10 weeks out from her show and of course she has been doing shows forever so i thought she might be good to talk to. guess we will see if she has time to respond.
better get to the gym.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
loadin up the u-haul
holy crap! it's early saturday morning and i am about ready to head to the gym. well i have a busy morning ahead of me so it looks like i'm getting ready to leave the nest, permanently. we are going to be working on the posing, probably more specifically the routine after we train. as well i have a massage appointment booked and i also have a training appointment.
so i am leaving the house with a cooler bag containing my next 3 meals, a tripod, a camcorder, my music, an extension cord, my gym bag with the appropriate changes of clothes, my vitamins, two 1.5L bottles of water and my knapsack. methinks half of todays workout will be getting everying to the gym.
well another snafu on the bike front. the friend i asked to go check out a bike thursday night, simply forgot to go. it was not cool because the seller went out of his way to be available and have the bike ready. now i can't have anyone see the bike till monday and the bike is now officially out on the sales floor. which means it could be sold out from under me... again. i've asked a different friend to go check out the bike for me on monday. now if your wondering why i am sending people instead of going myself... i would go myself if i knew the first thing about buying bikes.
work still sucks.
my weekday client rocks! i explained to him about the situation at work. rather than opting for a different trainer he would prefer that i 'volunteer' for the free overtime work and then call him and cancel. he understands that it could drastically reduce his sessions per week but he is cool with that.
still re-thinking this work situation.
better get going, it's going to take me 10 minutes to load up the truck.
so i am leaving the house with a cooler bag containing my next 3 meals, a tripod, a camcorder, my music, an extension cord, my gym bag with the appropriate changes of clothes, my vitamins, two 1.5L bottles of water and my knapsack. methinks half of todays workout will be getting everying to the gym.
well another snafu on the bike front. the friend i asked to go check out a bike thursday night, simply forgot to go. it was not cool because the seller went out of his way to be available and have the bike ready. now i can't have anyone see the bike till monday and the bike is now officially out on the sales floor. which means it could be sold out from under me... again. i've asked a different friend to go check out the bike for me on monday. now if your wondering why i am sending people instead of going myself... i would go myself if i knew the first thing about buying bikes.
work still sucks.
my weekday client rocks! i explained to him about the situation at work. rather than opting for a different trainer he would prefer that i 'volunteer' for the free overtime work and then call him and cancel. he understands that it could drastically reduce his sessions per week but he is cool with that.
still re-thinking this work situation.
better get going, it's going to take me 10 minutes to load up the truck.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
lookin for the rainbow
when i woke up this morning i happened to notice a change. i guess this is the time in the prep where changes really start making themselves known. in a way its like christmas. anyway this morning low and behold i notice that the love handles, saddle bags or whatever you want to call them are about gone. i really can't remember ever being this lean in my mid section. i am looking forward to my next present.
yesterday morning i got up early and my coach had me practice my mandatories for about 20 mins or so after our workout. he said that i 'looked great' and that my posing is good too. i believe he said 'you look like you've been doing it for years'. hopefully i can exude that same amount of confidence and poise on d-day.
ok i think i am chasing my last bike. seriously, if this bike is not the one i think im going to just give it up. i just can't stand shopping anymore without coming away with anything. so this one better be neo*
* you all remember the matrix i trust??
yesterday morning i got up early and my coach had me practice my mandatories for about 20 mins or so after our workout. he said that i 'looked great' and that my posing is good too. i believe he said 'you look like you've been doing it for years'. hopefully i can exude that same amount of confidence and poise on d-day.
ok i think i am chasing my last bike. seriously, if this bike is not the one i think im going to just give it up. i just can't stand shopping anymore without coming away with anything. so this one better be neo*
* you all remember the matrix i trust??
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