i had a blast at the chic rider's event. as soon as i got there a woman (ninja girl), who recognized me from the facebook guest list, came over and introduced herself to me. she then took me over to hang with her and her group of friends.
it was a full day, a bike wash, a stunt show, a show and shine (since i left early i have no idea what the hell that is), and an after party. there were a mad lot of bikes there... and some of the sharpest looking customs i have ever seen. there was even a bike that was painted like a lucky strike cigarette carton.
the stunt show that ensued was off the chain. i've never seen so many wheelies and stoppie variations in my life. there was even a woman doing wheelies and stoppies on a lil' 50cc bike. a couple of the stunts went terribly, horribly wrong but with the exception of some cosmetic and pride damage... it was all in good fun.
there were camera's all over the place and i'm amazed at how many times i turned up in the event pics posted all over the boards. there is even a shot of me talking to speed racer and she only showed up for about 15-20 minutes.
i went back to the event later that night, not to attend the after party, but to go for a ride with ninja girl, and her friends. well she met me at mangoz and then proceeded to take me on a brisk ride to oakville. ninja girl rides a 600RR and let me tell you i was using every last one of my 500cc's to try and keep up with her. the funny thing was as soon as we got to tim horton's we found out that her friends were all heading back to mangoz. since we had just ordered coffee, we decided to hang out with the other bikers that were still there.
i think i spent a good couple hours in that parking lot and i had a good time. they were finally getting organized for a group ride to hamilton. it was almost 11 pm and i was starting to fade so i bid them all a good night. i promised to join them again, and i lit out for home. i can already feel that my riding style has changed. i feel more at one with the bike. more like i am really starting to ride her properly and smoothly. but the bike still does not go faster than 120 km/hour.
on sunday i was still in an amazing mood. i was still quite 'high' from saturday's events. i stupidly started to tell my mom about it. i was smart enough to leave out the details of the bike stunts. and of course mother had to go and ruin everything. right in the middle of my story she interrupts to ask, ...and you are telling me out of all the bikers that were there you didn't see any possibilites???. what a way to toss a cold bucket of sh!t onto my rainbow. i struggled to hold my temper. i let out an oh fer christ's sake and i walked out of the kitchen. i went into my room and closed the door.
i went to the movies with julie later that afternoon. i don't normally notice the way people react to me, but lately i guess i've become more aware. i was text messaging some friends while i waited for julie to show up. from time to time i would look up to find some stranger staring at me, with a look that i can only describe as disdain. i can't say that felt great... but there isn't much i am willing to do about it.
after the movie was over julie and i made the traditional post movie 'potty' run. while we were at the electric hand dryers, i suddenly became aware of someone behind me. i looked back and there were two women staring past me at the hand dryer in front of me. i moved to my right, thereby allowing another person to share the air. julie however didn't move and neither did the two women behind me. they just continued to stare through me with the strangest look on their faces. i instantly felt eighteen different kinds of uncomfortable and i walked out of the bathroom with wet hands. julie came out behind me, she however found the whole exchange amusing so she was laughing.
all of this has got me thinking... and thinking alot. i remember that b used to wear these stupid little glasses when he had to go out or attend meetings. his vision is fine, but he feels that as a big, muscular, bald, black man he is visually imposing. he feels that the little wire rimmed glasses, soften him out a little and make him appear more approachable. i've spent the better part of my life wearing glasses, it was a happy day when i finally got contacts... as much as it appears that i am starting to be somewhat visually imposing, i really can't see me sportin glasses. and dayumm it... why should i have to?
i get that bodybuilding isn't for everyone. i understand that you don't have to like it. but if i can keep from staring with disgust at the roll of fat you've got oozing out between your cropped top and those low rider jeans that you insist on wearing... then surely you can keep from staring at my arms with disgust??
i tell you people... my ego needs a break.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
trophies come in all shapes and sizes
that last blog entry still disturbs me. i know women who are basically 'trophy chicks'. now maybe to an extent every woman is a trophy but dayummm some of these guys are just too obvious about it.
there is this little charmer who does not like his girl's offseason look. now don't get me wrong, some of us really like to add on the post show mass. i know last year i was one of those them, waddling around, stuffed into my clothes looking very much like a human coil of sausage. but i am not talking about that kind of offseason mass. this woman still looks in shape and many women still envy her condition. but buddy demands to know when she is going to look like she does in her show pics, so he can show her off.
then there is another who has convinced himself that he is merely trying to make his woman more comfortable with her body. he buys her dresses, tighter gym clothes and bikini's. but is he really trying to bring an introvert out of her shell? or is his real motivation the opportunity to be seen in the company of a chick sporting a hot little number?
my mother's main source of irritation is the lack of a man in my life. frequently she likes to initiate these little heart to heart talks, where she tries to understand exactly what it is, that i am doing wrong, that is keeping me from having someone. mother does not understand this line of conversation makes me feel like sh!t and i have no interest in discussing it. she doesn't understand that we all don't get someone. you would expect her to be more tolerant her mother, her aunt and her husband's baby sister have all lived their lives... alone. clearly the old maid gene has been passed on to me.
finally, especially now as i attempt to add more and more muscle to my frame... i know the chances of me ever finding anyone get slimmer and slimmer. there is a minute percentage of men who like women with muscle... and the percentage of men who like women with muscle, who have muscles themselves is even smaller. you subtract the men already in relationships and you've got little left to choose from. guess i won't be coming to a mantle near you any time soon.
the strength is starting to return in the gym, which is nice. i've already finished my two weeks of below maintenance eating. my weight has fluctuated wildly throughout these past two weeks. i can only imagine that my 32 months of dieting has my metabolism still in a bit of a tail spin. i am going to run another week of below maintenace eating... i think that my weight should be holding steady before i switch to the above maintenance. remember my friends the goal this time is NOT to repeat the mistakes of last offseason.
the photoshoot pics have arrived. i am still trying to sort out my feelings on them. that sounds bad... it could be because it is a very different look for me, it could be because i have never been 'good' at looking at myself objectively, or it could be... that it is simply too much. but it is nice to see that i really did improve my hamstrings this year.
the last thing i wanted to share is my plans for today. i recently found a women's only motorcycle club. first of all this club has chapters in canada, australia and the u.s. they 'ride' to raise money and awareness for women's issues; breast cancer, rape crisis, the list continues, they travel and they teach basic motorcycle maintenance. today is one of their events. it is a bike wash to raise money for a woman's hostel and for a trust fund for the family of a fallen rider. fyi, in the motorcycle community a fallen rider is one who does not get back up!
there is this little charmer who does not like his girl's offseason look. now don't get me wrong, some of us really like to add on the post show mass. i know last year i was one of those them, waddling around, stuffed into my clothes looking very much like a human coil of sausage. but i am not talking about that kind of offseason mass. this woman still looks in shape and many women still envy her condition. but buddy demands to know when she is going to look like she does in her show pics, so he can show her off.
then there is another who has convinced himself that he is merely trying to make his woman more comfortable with her body. he buys her dresses, tighter gym clothes and bikini's. but is he really trying to bring an introvert out of her shell? or is his real motivation the opportunity to be seen in the company of a chick sporting a hot little number?
my mother's main source of irritation is the lack of a man in my life. frequently she likes to initiate these little heart to heart talks, where she tries to understand exactly what it is, that i am doing wrong, that is keeping me from having someone. mother does not understand this line of conversation makes me feel like sh!t and i have no interest in discussing it. she doesn't understand that we all don't get someone. you would expect her to be more tolerant her mother, her aunt and her husband's baby sister have all lived their lives... alone. clearly the old maid gene has been passed on to me.
finally, especially now as i attempt to add more and more muscle to my frame... i know the chances of me ever finding anyone get slimmer and slimmer. there is a minute percentage of men who like women with muscle... and the percentage of men who like women with muscle, who have muscles themselves is even smaller. you subtract the men already in relationships and you've got little left to choose from. guess i won't be coming to a mantle near you any time soon.
the strength is starting to return in the gym, which is nice. i've already finished my two weeks of below maintenance eating. my weight has fluctuated wildly throughout these past two weeks. i can only imagine that my 32 months of dieting has my metabolism still in a bit of a tail spin. i am going to run another week of below maintenace eating... i think that my weight should be holding steady before i switch to the above maintenance. remember my friends the goal this time is NOT to repeat the mistakes of last offseason.
the photoshoot pics have arrived. i am still trying to sort out my feelings on them. that sounds bad... it could be because it is a very different look for me, it could be because i have never been 'good' at looking at myself objectively, or it could be... that it is simply too much. but it is nice to see that i really did improve my hamstrings this year.
the last thing i wanted to share is my plans for today. i recently found a women's only motorcycle club. first of all this club has chapters in canada, australia and the u.s. they 'ride' to raise money and awareness for women's issues; breast cancer, rape crisis, the list continues, they travel and they teach basic motorcycle maintenance. today is one of their events. it is a bike wash to raise money for a woman's hostel and for a trust fund for the family of a fallen rider. fyi, in the motorcycle community a fallen rider is one who does not get back up!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
know why you are doing this...
ronnie coleman say's it best "everybody wants to be a bodybuilder...", here is where i need to stop the big man and interject, but not everybody should be.
a friend of mine recently decided to do a show. she trained as best she could. sacrificed everything she felt necessary and stepped onto the stage looking the best she had every looked in her life. the trouble is... the other women she shared the stage with looked that much better. this was not their first time. they were more prepared... and it showed. going by the score sheet alone, my friend did not do so well.
well we all know that's part of the game. but i think maybe we also tend to believe that it can't happen to us. well let me tell you... it can... and sometimes it will. it is guaranteed on any given day somebody is going to bringing up the azz end of the competition.
so what happens when you find yourself filling out the 'also-rans'? well the reality is, your going to have to go back to your home gym. if the other members knew you were prepping, then they are all going to be waiting to hear how you did. the size of the gym and the number of people who knew your intentions directly relates to the number of times you will have to re-tell the same stories. you are also going to have to answer the enevitable so when's the next show?.
well my friend found those prospects so daunting that she stopped training at the gym. she found it easier to use the weights she had at home. she found it easier to stay at home when the definition left and her natural curves came back. now she feels 'fat' and horribly out of shape. now she worries that people will think poorly of her, because she no longer resembles the athlete she did in the weeks leading up to the contest. she found it easier to train at home because she realized that she didn't even like competition and she hated being on stage.
and the sadest part of all... she finds it easier to train at home because she no longer gets any joy out of lifting. somehow she now equates training with show prep. once the very act of getting stronger and lifting heavy was a joy uncontested and now there is only emptiness. now she struggles to find the will to train.
my friend is not the only competitor, that i know, who this has happend to. a few years ago another gym member did her first show. in the years since it has become painfully obvious that something changed for her. her training style has changed along with her physique. where once she had some enviable muscle bellies she now is just lean. year round she sports a low percentage of bodyfat. and each day she does more and more cardio. i even remember hearing through the grapevine that for a while she didn't even like training anymore.
today i sat down with my friend and i told her that there was no shame in putting back on some bodyfat or getting back a more 'healthy' physique. i reminded her that she achieved something that day that few people have the cajones to do. i told her she should be proud of herself, on that day she looked the best she has ever looked in her life. i also told her that she needed to find the joy she once had in lifting. that she should not pressure herself or stress out if it took longer than she felt it should. but mostly i told her there was no shame in realizing competition isn't for you. she needed to know that people are going to ask for a while... but eventually they will stop. and when they ask about the next show tell them that she wasn't sure if she would do another one ... or to ask them when their next show was :awink:
the woman i talked to today... didn't say as much, in as many words but it is very clear that she will never again step on stage. however the scary part is that her boyfriend would very much like her to. so if she ends up in show prep again i am sure it will be at his urging. my next conversation is with him to caution him against pressuring her, i hope i can make him see how dangerous this situation could be for her.
if your going to do a show, make sure you are doing it for YOU. find out everything you can about it. go SEE shows, get a feel for it, know what is expected. i wonder if she was a bit more prepared going in, would she still have gotten to this place?
i mean can you imagine losing your will to train???
i can't.
a friend of mine recently decided to do a show. she trained as best she could. sacrificed everything she felt necessary and stepped onto the stage looking the best she had every looked in her life. the trouble is... the other women she shared the stage with looked that much better. this was not their first time. they were more prepared... and it showed. going by the score sheet alone, my friend did not do so well.
well we all know that's part of the game. but i think maybe we also tend to believe that it can't happen to us. well let me tell you... it can... and sometimes it will. it is guaranteed on any given day somebody is going to bringing up the azz end of the competition.
so what happens when you find yourself filling out the 'also-rans'? well the reality is, your going to have to go back to your home gym. if the other members knew you were prepping, then they are all going to be waiting to hear how you did. the size of the gym and the number of people who knew your intentions directly relates to the number of times you will have to re-tell the same stories. you are also going to have to answer the enevitable so when's the next show?.
well my friend found those prospects so daunting that she stopped training at the gym. she found it easier to use the weights she had at home. she found it easier to stay at home when the definition left and her natural curves came back. now she feels 'fat' and horribly out of shape. now she worries that people will think poorly of her, because she no longer resembles the athlete she did in the weeks leading up to the contest. she found it easier to train at home because she realized that she didn't even like competition and she hated being on stage.
and the sadest part of all... she finds it easier to train at home because she no longer gets any joy out of lifting. somehow she now equates training with show prep. once the very act of getting stronger and lifting heavy was a joy uncontested and now there is only emptiness. now she struggles to find the will to train.
my friend is not the only competitor, that i know, who this has happend to. a few years ago another gym member did her first show. in the years since it has become painfully obvious that something changed for her. her training style has changed along with her physique. where once she had some enviable muscle bellies she now is just lean. year round she sports a low percentage of bodyfat. and each day she does more and more cardio. i even remember hearing through the grapevine that for a while she didn't even like training anymore.
today i sat down with my friend and i told her that there was no shame in putting back on some bodyfat or getting back a more 'healthy' physique. i reminded her that she achieved something that day that few people have the cajones to do. i told her she should be proud of herself, on that day she looked the best she has ever looked in her life. i also told her that she needed to find the joy she once had in lifting. that she should not pressure herself or stress out if it took longer than she felt it should. but mostly i told her there was no shame in realizing competition isn't for you. she needed to know that people are going to ask for a while... but eventually they will stop. and when they ask about the next show tell them that she wasn't sure if she would do another one ... or to ask them when their next show was :awink:
the woman i talked to today... didn't say as much, in as many words but it is very clear that she will never again step on stage. however the scary part is that her boyfriend would very much like her to. so if she ends up in show prep again i am sure it will be at his urging. my next conversation is with him to caution him against pressuring her, i hope i can make him see how dangerous this situation could be for her.
if your going to do a show, make sure you are doing it for YOU. find out everything you can about it. go SEE shows, get a feel for it, know what is expected. i wonder if she was a bit more prepared going in, would she still have gotten to this place?
i mean can you imagine losing your will to train???
i can't.
Monday, August 06, 2007
chock fulla nuts
a little over a week ago a story came across the boards. a professional strong man jesse marunde passed away while training. if memory serves he did 5 sets of 8 reps of squats followed by a set of 20 reps. two tire flips and i think there was something else before he laid down. laying down post set is something that he is known for doing... unfortunately this time it was different. his passing sparked a sense of community on the boards. so to honour his passing many of us added a 20 rep set our workouts.
sunday is my day to train quads, thus it was my day to do my 20 rep set. sunday, july 29th was also the day i promised to go out and skate with the guys. although i don't really see myself as having changed that much in the past 7+ years, clearly i have. the added muscle has changed my center of gravity and i really can't skate to save my life any more. it is kind of sad i mean it wasn't that long ago that i was a professional competitive rollerblader with a world ranking. these days on my skates, on the ramps i'm much like bambi on ice. but it was nice to spend some time with the guys again.
my legs were feeling all kinds of special post workout, but it really wasn't till the next day when it was time to deadlift that i really started hurting. but i wore the limp that ensued with honour.
it's been tough on the ego of late. i guess maybe that is why i haven't been blogging to much. a couple of unrelated incidents that due to their unfortunate timing have me taking one on the chin. or maybe it's just simply a case of me feeling a tad sorry for myself.
the first instance. out for a bite with a friend. he started telling me about a new girl he was casually dating. this new girl does train at our gym and i asked him if dating a woman who trained was something he felt he needed to do. my friend is generally a nice guy but he suffers from a horrible case of foot in mouth disease. so first he says that although it would be nice if she 'worked out', he didn't feel that he needed... struggling for words he pointed to my shoulders. he decided to try agian in order to be more 'clear'. he tells me that he likes his women to have 'womanly curves' and not 'mannish' musc-... about here his brain kicked in and he stopped talking and started apologizing profusely.
number two. there is a lot of drama going on right now in the gym. one of my friends there was telling me that there is a series of 'nicknames' that have been given to different female members. as you can imagine they aren't particularly flattering. i was quite suprised to hear that i had some how managed to avoid being nicknamed. she told me that the only thing she had heard about me was that they thought i was gay. apparently she came to my defence but, and here is the part that just makes me shake my head, the guy she was talking to told her that i was an fbb. and that as far as he was concerned we were all gay anyways.
i just found out that the women at work, were terrified of me when i started there. they took one look at me, and you have to understand that i don't see me as being all that 'big', and were convinced that i was going to kick the sh!t out of them. i couldn't for the life of me understand why one of the women wouldn't even talk to me for the first two weeks i was there. i get it now. for some reason... it really bothers me. not enough to stop doing what i'm doing, and not enough to start wearing turtle necks and sweaters... but on some level it does hurt.
as for the new plan. it's too soon to really tell, i do know that i haven't been sleeping very well and i think that might be having a negative effect on some of my results. i am pretty tired so far tonight so maybe i will sleep like a champ tonight. the upside is my strength gains are returning. the downside is i can see that i've filled out already and some of my definition is already gone. bodybuilding is a funny sport. you kill yourself getting lean, the whole time b!tching about the loss in strength. then it's post contest time and your strength is coming back and your disappointed at the return of the bodyfat.
i also received my copy of the show dvd in the mail. i was really frustrated by the way the show was shot... and particularily how he shot my routine. it was a tight shot, from just above my head to my belly button. i dieted for 26 weeks, i practiced that routine religiously and i have no clue how it looks. i have no idea if i hit all my poses properly, i have no idea if i flowed smoothly. $85 bucks down the sh!tter. the funny thing is, this company has an exclusivity arrangement with the OPA. so even if a friend or family member came in with a video camera, they would be told to turn it off.
the photoshoot pics have yet to be mailed out. they should be hitting the mail tomorrow morning. so with express post i should have them in a few days.
sunday is my day to train quads, thus it was my day to do my 20 rep set. sunday, july 29th was also the day i promised to go out and skate with the guys. although i don't really see myself as having changed that much in the past 7+ years, clearly i have. the added muscle has changed my center of gravity and i really can't skate to save my life any more. it is kind of sad i mean it wasn't that long ago that i was a professional competitive rollerblader with a world ranking. these days on my skates, on the ramps i'm much like bambi on ice. but it was nice to spend some time with the guys again.
my legs were feeling all kinds of special post workout, but it really wasn't till the next day when it was time to deadlift that i really started hurting. but i wore the limp that ensued with honour.
it's been tough on the ego of late. i guess maybe that is why i haven't been blogging to much. a couple of unrelated incidents that due to their unfortunate timing have me taking one on the chin. or maybe it's just simply a case of me feeling a tad sorry for myself.
the first instance. out for a bite with a friend. he started telling me about a new girl he was casually dating. this new girl does train at our gym and i asked him if dating a woman who trained was something he felt he needed to do. my friend is generally a nice guy but he suffers from a horrible case of foot in mouth disease. so first he says that although it would be nice if she 'worked out', he didn't feel that he needed... struggling for words he pointed to my shoulders. he decided to try agian in order to be more 'clear'. he tells me that he likes his women to have 'womanly curves' and not 'mannish' musc-... about here his brain kicked in and he stopped talking and started apologizing profusely.
number two. there is a lot of drama going on right now in the gym. one of my friends there was telling me that there is a series of 'nicknames' that have been given to different female members. as you can imagine they aren't particularly flattering. i was quite suprised to hear that i had some how managed to avoid being nicknamed. she told me that the only thing she had heard about me was that they thought i was gay. apparently she came to my defence but, and here is the part that just makes me shake my head, the guy she was talking to told her that i was an fbb. and that as far as he was concerned we were all gay anyways.
i just found out that the women at work, were terrified of me when i started there. they took one look at me, and you have to understand that i don't see me as being all that 'big', and were convinced that i was going to kick the sh!t out of them. i couldn't for the life of me understand why one of the women wouldn't even talk to me for the first two weeks i was there. i get it now. for some reason... it really bothers me. not enough to stop doing what i'm doing, and not enough to start wearing turtle necks and sweaters... but on some level it does hurt.
as for the new plan. it's too soon to really tell, i do know that i haven't been sleeping very well and i think that might be having a negative effect on some of my results. i am pretty tired so far tonight so maybe i will sleep like a champ tonight. the upside is my strength gains are returning. the downside is i can see that i've filled out already and some of my definition is already gone. bodybuilding is a funny sport. you kill yourself getting lean, the whole time b!tching about the loss in strength. then it's post contest time and your strength is coming back and your disappointed at the return of the bodyfat.
i also received my copy of the show dvd in the mail. i was really frustrated by the way the show was shot... and particularily how he shot my routine. it was a tight shot, from just above my head to my belly button. i dieted for 26 weeks, i practiced that routine religiously and i have no clue how it looks. i have no idea if i hit all my poses properly, i have no idea if i flowed smoothly. $85 bucks down the sh!tter. the funny thing is, this company has an exclusivity arrangement with the OPA. so even if a friend or family member came in with a video camera, they would be told to turn it off.
the photoshoot pics have yet to be mailed out. they should be hitting the mail tomorrow morning. so with express post i should have them in a few days.
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