country bugs know how to die and other stories

i'm home and it's late, or it's early, depending on how you look at it.

what am i doing up at this ungodly hour? what happened to my self imposed curfew? well there has been a lot of changes of late and to be honest, i am definately not handling them well. without a doubt the dream is over, the question remains for how long, my financial situation has NOT improved. and they are not going to improve unless i take action. even though i am working more training hours, than i ever did at the club i used to work at, it's not enough to keep up with all that i owe. the only chance i have for debt recovery is to returni to the world of graphic design. the problem is i hate graphic design. thus, there will be no return trip to the canadian nationals in 2009. to be honest i can't begin to imagine when i will be able to afford to compete ever again.

training has been going well. i have been trying some new things in the hopes of promoting growth. new exercises, different training protocols, different ranges of motion and increased lift speeds. i'm not sure how i feel about some of the changes. it's just so different from what i've done before... i often wonder if i have actually accomplished anything or if i just wasted my time.

you may be wondering where things stand with the 'lad' i went out with a few weeks back. it's not... next! okay let me explain. we have spent enough time talking for me to realize that he doesn't understand my lifestyle and i honestly don't get the feeling he respects it. now most of it is delivered under the guise of being a joke but since the joke is consistant i can't help find it rather telling. he has asked me if i didn't think that my lifestyle was 'too regimented'... i like him, not romantically, but i do think that he and i could be friends.

i have also made a couple of steps toward trying to start something with a guy i DO like. this guy lifts and he is serious about his training. he gets it, he isn't trying to 'tone' or get ab's. he told me that he admires what we do, that he himself could never be that diligent but he totally respects those of us who can. i've been sending him messages on facebook and in our last exchange i basically asked him out. nothing too crazy, a cup of coffee. let's see if he bites.

went out for a long ride today with the hamilton bikers. i was supposed to be taught how to ride the twisties but that didn't happen. what did happen was we rode the ramps and got into the twisties. with so many riders in our group, and with all of them with way more experience than i, i am often like i was holding up the group. frankly, it made me self conscious and my riding continued to fall.

those country bugs sure know how to make a mess of your visor. your riding along enjoying the piece and serenity when all of a sudden you see a projectile headed straight for your face. at the last second you hear a nasty thud-like popping sound and your helmet is covered in 'bug juice'. and in some really unfortunate cases you can still see the carcass hanging there. you don't notice you've hit city bugs until you take your helmet off at the end of the day. but a country bug hits your helmet like a 10lb bag of wet cement hits the ground!!

i have to bench tomorrow. i really better get to bed.

a whole lotta thinkin' goin' on...

and so while i try to figure things out... i live you with this. now i've never tried to add live video so here's hoping the first time is the charm (ETA it took two tries).


oh and that thing with the pseudo-date... ya that's not going to go anywhere. suffice it to say that dude got my spider-sense tingling.

it's like a free ride when you've already paid...

yes isn't it ironic... don't you think?

my last blog i complained about the reaction of my family and friends to my lack of social life and as i sit here typing this blog i struggle to determine if i actually just had a date. is there a checklist on the internet somewhere that i could look up. was it a date? or was it just hanging out? i really have no idea.

i have never been one who was able to determine when someone liked me. it stems from all of my 'ugly duckling' formative years, back when i was a source of amusement and ridicule. i guess eventually i stopped being a 'duck' but my mind is firmly set in the past so i think that's why i really have no clue anyone has any interest in me. there have been more than a few occasions where i figured it out only because there was a second tongue in my mouth.

enough about that... i leave you with some light hearted fare:

my eldest brother has recently been having sport with me. i've been getting of late 'theme' gifts. t-shirts that have mostly been poking fun at qualities i can only assume my family thinks i have. the latest a t-shirt that was purchased soley because it had the word rebel emblazoned on the front in blue embroidery. there was quite a lot going on, on that t-shirt between the embroidery, the 4 painted skulls and the splatters of gold paint.

anyway it was his birthday this past weekend and turn about they say is fair play. i had a t-shirt made that had the image of a female bodybuilder and the caption 'my sister is bigger than your sister'. my brother pronounced the shirt too 'out-there' for him to wear anywhere other than around the house. much like the last three gifts he purchased for me that i currently only sleep in!