the next step

well they have booked me in for the cardiac stress test. it happened the day after i returned the 24 hour monitor, but i am fairly certain the two events are unconnected. my doctor did say that she was probably going to order the stress test regardless of what the 24 hour monitor showed.

anyway i had another pretty good workout today. it could have been because i waited until i could walk, before i trained again. or it could be because i know that i will get paid tomorrow. or it is because i am well rested. sadly, work was not busy this week so i've spent the week at home. i guess that explains all the blog activity. :-D

i was doing an exercise today called a rack deadlift. basically the sign of a good deadlift is scarred shins. my sport its kind of nutty, we embrace our bruises, scars, scrapes and calluses. as i said it was a banner workout today, check out how my shin looked post workout. the really cool part is that i was wearing pants, in fact in one of the shots you can see part of the material.

i'm such a bad azz :-D

been caught thinkin'

first of all my apologies to jane's addiction for the creative liberties with their song title.

i have been doing some thinking and one thing that i can't quite forget, something that i appreciate far more than i have probably said out loud or here on this forum is how much i appreciate my friends.

it has been one of the darker periods of my life, and i am by no means trying to challenge the universe into upping the ante. but my point is that as dark as it has been for me, i've had some amazing support, encouragement and help from my friends.

i know that i have spent far more time feeling sorry for myself than i should. and i truly hope that all my friends realize how i could not have gotten through these past months without them. i may not accept your offers of financial assistance, but it does blow me away that you would even make them.

i don't deserve any of you... you all rock!!!

my doctor compared my 2008 EKG with my 2005 result and she wasn't happy. it is not life threatening but my heart beat has a different rhythm now. it is still within the realm of 'normal'. so to satisfy her curiosity about this anomaly she had me wear a monitor for 24 hours.

i guess she was worried i'd fall apart when she discussed it with me. but in light of the year i've been having. i'd have to say i took it very well. at one point she explained that she also planned to have me 'stress tested'. apparently, they slap back on the electrodes and get you running... RUNNING, no less on a treadmill. yikes!! she assured me that a cardiologist would be 'standing by'. she was not prepared for me to start giggling and ask 'exactly HOW much cardio are we talking about here?'. you see my friends, i'm up around 180 lbs right now. i am fairly certain that any running at this body weight will result with yours truly being on the business end of some paddles, whilst the air is filled with the battle cry 'CLEAR!!!'.

i was instructed to wear the monitor for 24 hours and carry about my normal activities. i was told to train if i was supposed to train. well here is where i got a little nutty. i thought back to the two EKG reports she showed me with all the peaks and valleys, and i started to wonder what a report might look like that had a 300 lbs squat in it. ;P so monday became leg day and i threw the bar on my back and had a little fun. i haven't been up over 305 lbs since i was pre-contest, so i started off conservatively. 10/205, 8/255, 8/275, 8/295 well at this point i knew i was good to go so i slapped on that third wheel, called my buddy rob to come up for a spot and dug in and got 4/315. i made sure to look up at the clock before both the 295 lb set and the 315 lb set. i am now anxiously awaiting my results.

oh and i took a picture of me in the change room post workout. you can see an electrode and some of the monitor unit sticking out of my shirt.

status quo??

i guess i've let a month lapse since my last posting and i really should update this thing. part of the reason why i am hesitant to post is that i am tired of continually posting bad news. as well i was also well and truly tired of dealing with it all.

i guess that would suggest that things are better now. i guess in some respects they are and in others... well it's not exactly status quo, so i guess that is an improvment after all??

i have been working 7 day work weeks for the past month. some days i am so tired that i can barely see straight. i'm currently working on a freelance project where i routinely put in, in excess of 40 hours per week. i will get paid hourly, when i do get paid. so all the hours amassed will go far towards getting me back on track, but first i have to get paid!

my weekend clients have yet to fully understand the gravity of my situation. there are frequent 'no shows' and last minute cancellations. once upon a time i was 'nice' and i allowed my clients to cancel with out charge, the morning of the appointment. that is likely the reason why i ended up in the boat that i am in. the gym had a 24-hour policy there to protect me and i was stupid enough not to take advantage of it. since i am desperately counting on the weekend income, to help keep me from living completly off my retired parents, i am no longer 'nice'.

finally, and i do mean finally, i have never heard of quite so many false starts and set backs as i faced while trying to get a debt consolidation loan. but finally the loan came through and the biggest and baddest of all my debts have been addressed. unfortunately the terms of the loan looked greater than what i could afford and i feared i had stepped from the frying pan into the fire. it's designed to take 5 years to pay off and i am not retired from competition until 2013. i'm sorry, this may be the wrong attitude but 5 years off, sounds like it's over to me. anyway, i was so upset by the loan details that i promptly backed my truck into a light post and damaged the rear bumper. damage i might add, that i am in no position to repair.

my body weight shot to an all-time high. i wasn't suprised by it, i mean i have been going through my own version of hell and i have been continually drownding my sorrows in tim horton's cookies. in the last week since things have been a bit more stable, i've stayed away from the cookie tray and my weight dropped several pounds.

it's funny, i can handle the body weight. i don't like what i see on the scale, but i can deal. i can deal with the frequent back pain that i face when i'm up this high. again i don't enjoy it. i can tolerate the rolls around my mid section and my ever expanding azz. i don't love it, but it doesn't upset me. what upsets me is what happens to my chest when i am carrying too much body fat. this lactating look has got to go. i cannot stand it when my girls call unneccessary attention to themselves. i am so much happier when i am weeks out from a show and the fawkin' things are basically deflated.

and in the words of the crew at merry melodies... tha-tha-that's all folks!!