day fifteen

i was fairly uncomfortable for most of the day. there are many positions that are difficult with a misplaced rib. getting in and out of bed, turning over, hell even trying to dress yourself can be a challenge as well. there is also pressure in your back when you take a deep breath. so i spent most of the day in bed with an ice pack on my back.

after a lot of deliberation and mental coin-tossing i decided that i would go to the gym. i figured back day would either be the hair of the dog or it would be the proverbial camel's straw. i have been home for about an hour now and i am moving comfortable so at this point it was the hair of the dog.

attempting to get out of bed tomorrow morning could be another matter quite entirely.

all in all i am quite pleased with the last workout of 2012. here is to better, stronger workouts in 2013 with pounds of personal growth.

happy new year and all the best to those of you who take the time to stop by and read my ramblings. may you and your families experience nothing but health, joy and happiness in 2013.

p.s.: 225 words were added and we are officially at the half-way point of the challenge.

day fourteen

the struggles continue. i am adding words but i am not confident in them. hopefully all can be fixed in the second edit. but good words or bad there was another 150 added in today's effort.

trapper john was back at the gym today but he wisely left his furry hat at home. i wonder if he reads my blog?

in other gym news there is a very real chance that i squirted out another rib today. i either did it during front squats or when i was in the power squat machine. the padding on the yolk is fubared and i was distracted by what felt like a bolt head digging into my shoulder. i may have tried to shift away from the bolt head and likely made sh!t a whole lot worse.

in the insult to injury department: it turns out that the sports medicine clinic is open for business tomorrow, however my athletic therapist is at home with a busted ankle!! it's either going to be a case of miche heal thyself or suck it up and hope she heals quickly.

tomorrow i am supposed to dead lift and the focus of this six week training cycle is to either meet or best my previous record lift. it might be tricky with an errant rib.

day thirteen

arrgh!!

there is a word, a phrase that i am struggling to find. for reasons unknown my ability to find the words i need escape me. after i stalled out at the 200 word mark i gave up. actually giving up is really not a fair assessment, i consider it more of a strategic retreat.

i did manage to make it in to train today but it was not a very impressive performance. i struggled with the weights that i had planned to use. i hope that it was merely fatigue from my cold bug and not any real loss of strength. a loss of strength would really piss me off right now.

since i stayed missed yesterday's workout i will be hitting the gym on holiday monday to stay somewhat on schedule.

sadly it is that time of year again when the gym if filled with knobs and noobs who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. while some of it is entertaining some of it is also quite frightening. i am sure some of you think i should go out of my way to save them from themselves but since i no longer work there i just prefer to point and laugh. well i point on the inside i just snicker on the outside.

hey... i never said i was a nice person.

day twelve

i was struggling to write this evening. partially because i have a bug that i can't shake and partially because i have written myself into a corner. i need to do some more research before i can move ahead. hopefully i can be more productive tomorrow. tonight's 75 words was not impressive by any means but they are still words in the plus column. beggars can't be choosers.

no chest workout this evening just be more cold med's and then bed.

this post is short... but sadly not very sweet. maybe next time kids!

day eleven

since i was quickly running out of day, i had to be brief but i did add another 100 words. tomorrow i plan on moving one of my earlier chapters. i know i said that i would write 'forward's but as i mentioned yesterday the part of the story that i am currently working on has three distinct scenes that occur simultaneously. in hindsight i realize that i have the aforementioned paragraph out of order.

while at the gym earlier i had to marvel at the way a guy was training. he was doing seated rows and lat pull downs with a full back extension. extended to the point where his head was frighteningly close to the floor. i never thought i would see the day where cranial protection would become required gym wear. i should also add that i was not surprised to see him holding onto his back as he walked away from the machines.

gadzooks!!

day ten

525 words today. i am trying to tie together three separate scenes that happen almost simultaneously. i think that the method i have chosen is working pretty well, so all in all i am pleased.

yesterday i watched resident evil retribution. i am not sure what it is but for some reason i have recently become such a fan of the paranormal. milla jovovich's character alice is a bad ass and the fight sequences are so freaking awesome. i was literally cheering aloud as she dispatched her brand of justice. there was this scene where she broke a guys neck. she was standing over his prone body, she looked up and realized it was time to go and she just did this leg twist thing and you heard his neck break. it gave me shivers... the good kind.

anyway watching alice destroying zombies reminded me of something i had meant to show you. a while back StormOne offered to turn any of her readers into a zombie. well that was an opportunity i couldn't pass up. i sent her a pic from my recent trip to florida and like that i was zombiefied. i love this pic.

day nine

first of all i added 275 words today. in case you are curious my gift haul included some money, some gift cards, a new tennessee hoody and a dri-fit zippered jacket.

more importantly so far all of my gifts were well received. my brother was very pleased with the gift of golf balls. seems that was exactly what he planned to purchase for himself after christmas. score!! my mother was practically squealing when she opened her present. so i did well there as well. the gift i was most concerned about was my father's but when i saw him playing with it in his room several hours later i was pleased. my dad isn't one to show a lot of emotion and he has a tendency to save his gifts and you generally never see him use them. so walking past him pouring over the instructions and trying out the player on his own was very satisfying.

anyway i should go. pizza and cake beckon.

day eight

luckily it turned out to be a short work day. to be honest i wasn't sure i would have been able to last the entire work day. i was really noticing a draft as the day went on. the additional benefit to the abbreviated day was more time to work on the story.

i was able to add another 200 words. i named the two characters that i recently added, although technically i renamed one of them. i have to admit that naming characters is by far my favourite thing to do. i also created a photoshop file to help me keep track of who my characters are and their relationships to one another. and more importantly i did some research about a health concern that is going to factor into the story.

all that and i got a nap too. i slipped into a nyquil coma for almost three hours during the latter hours of the afternoon. yeah for me!

i guess i have put it off as long as possible, it is time to wrap the gifts i bought and stuff 'em around the christmas tree.

oh joy, oh bliss... who am i trying to kid? bah and humbug to you and yours ;-)

day seven

i ran into the bloke at the gym today and we discussed the writing challenge and the story. i told him about my need to cast more characters and my concern that there would not be enough time add to the story before the end of day. his felt that casting should count as writing as it is an important part of the process. i can see his point but since i didn't consider challenges like casting when i set the rules for my writing challenge i feel like changing things now is kind of cheating.

so to that end i focused on casting the characters i needed before i added a little more to the story. it was only about 75 words but more importantly i feel like i wasn't breaking my own rules.

i think that my blog is the only place that i haven't included post dead lifting pictures. so enjoy

day six

today was a big day. first of all i want to mention the 400 words that i added to my story. lucky for me it was not my only accomplishment for the day.

my intention was to get out of the house by 9:00 a.m to hit the stores. i needed to start and complete my christmas shopping before 3:30 p.m. i woke up feeling crappy and it was closer to half past ten before i was really up and quasi at 'em. it was 11:30 a.m before i really got the shopping thing underway.

my mother likes to wear sweat suits in the winter months and she likes them with holiday motifs. as the years pass it becomes harder and harder to track those sweat suits down. i was able to find some sweatshirts in one mall but had to go to another to locate coordinating bottoms.

my brothers and the sister-in-law were easy as they are all a bunch of golf nuts. a game that for the life of me i can't fathom but so be it. i will admit to basically mailing in the gift for my brothers kid but for reasons unknown the little sh*t does seem to have an issue with the words thank and you. my father was truly difficult. i thought maybe i'd get him a tablet since he is all about the computer game but without a wireless connection a tablet is somewhat useless. i am sorry but i am not comfortable with my parents having unlimited access to the interwebs. so after spinning my wheels in about three or four different electronics stores i finally settled on a portable dvd player. my dad is kind of gadgety so he should enjoy the new toy.

i was finished shopping by 2:30 pm so i was home with plenty of time to listen to the basketball game. sadly the lady vols lost but in their defence they lost to the number one team in the country. i will admit my team could have and should have played better but it has been a tough schedule of games with the last two games have been against the top ranked teams in the country. here's hoping they come off the christmas break playing with renewed fire and determination.

after the game i went to the gym. i have been focusing on my squat of late. my goal was to increase my squat poundage, to hopefully get it back to where it used to be pre-injury. it looks like i added 10 lbs to my 1RM, so that shows an improvement. it is likely not a true representation as i am still not 'better' and i somewhat congested. squatting heavy is hard on a good day... it is even harder when you aren't getting your full wind.

starting next week i plan to run a six week focus on dead lifts. the best i have ever done was 405lbs for one rep. i would really like to get at least get back to that weight. but i really want to surpass it.

after six weeks of deads my next focus will be on chest before i repeat the cycle again.

wow... i was wordy here tonight too.

day five

okay i broke the rules. i looked at the bit i wrote last night and i looked back at the scene as i wrote it in my journal. the journal version worked better. so i deleted 150 of yesterday's words but added 300 more. i still haven't cast the new characters that i mentioned needing yesterday. but then i was off work sick again today. three hours ago in fact was the first time that i got out of my bed today.

it is doubtful that i get a chance to do any casting tomorrow either. since the mayans were wrong, tomorrow no matter how i feel, i will have got to go out and start xmas shopping. i believe the stores open at 9:00 a.m. and the lady vols tip off at 4:00 p.m. So I have a good 6 hours to shop. I am curious to see how much shopping actually happens. I really don't like shopping at the best of times, so there is a very good chance tomorrow sees me grabbing a handful of gift cards and heading back to bed.

bag and humbug!!

day four

225 words were added today. it is almost time to introduce some new characters to my story. but before i do that i think i have to do some casting. when i started this story i had planned it around nine characters but the more i get into it, the more i realize that i need more characters. characters that i hadn't initially planned for. at this point i think i only need another two or three characters but as i move further along i may need to add a few more. the thought of trying to keep track of a dozen or more characters is really starting to freak me out.

should i talk about the deluge of treats that were laid out at work today? someone brought in an entire wheel of brie. and when i say an entire wheel, i am talking about the wheel that is the size of a small pizza. there were at least two platters full of baked goods, roasted pecans, two boxes of crackers that accompanied the brie. i think i even saw a platter full of gingerbread people. every time i went over to the laser printer there was another platter of food out. the people i work with really know how to lay waste to some food. and i am pretty sure there wasn't a lot of left overs. (read: none)

i've had to take another couple days off from the gym. i was home sick yesterday and obviously it wasn't a good idea to try to hit the gym. i have been feeling congested, like i am not getting my full wind with each breath. today should have been hamstrings but i believe you really need to be able to breathe for that. here's hoping all these sick days aren't working against me in the long run.

day three

there is something making it's way through the department at work. if i remember correctly three people were off sick on monday. i believe one person went home ill early tuesday morning and i was in no shape to make it in today.

my lady vols got spanked last night in waco. their opponent was ranked third in the polls so it was highly unlikely that my tenth ranked team would get the win. even still i was still very disappointed for the team and there is no way i would have been in a position to do any creative writing at the conclusion of the game.

today i added another 250 words to the story. it probably should have been a better writing day but it was a little difficult to concentrate today. with my last story attempt the most consistent criticism was my lack of description. i wrote without giving my reader enough physical clues to be able to imagine what the characters looked like. i am trying to do a better job of that with this story, it could be part of what has made this attempt far more challenging. sometimes i feel like i am so busy describing things that it is impeding my ability to move the story forward.

but it is still early going in the first draft. which means anything that doesn't work or needs to be fleshed out can be in later drafts. i have to remember above all my mission is to write forward!!

day two

today's attempt went better than yesterday. my favourite basketball team players the lady bears of baylor in about four minutes. i knew that i had to write before the start of the game. baylor is a tough opponent, we are down to eight players due to injury and we really could have used those injured players. either way the lady vols have been playing a hell of a lot better basketball than people expected them to this year.

i am happy to report that i added another 375 words to my story. i am also pleased that i seem to be getting back on track, as far as following along with the story notes that i have in my journal. sometimes when you write the story takes off almost as though it has a mind of it its own. you have to let the story develop and you really can't force it to follow along with your initial plan. or at least that is what i believe.

i will have to edit this later... it is almost time for tip off.

go lady vols!!!!

day one

man i sure hope this gets easier.

i have been told to get through a writers block is just to have to write. you try not to concern yourself with the quality of words but just keep trying to move your story forward. hopefully at some point you regain your mojo and overcome your block.

well i sat here this evening and i struggled to move my story forward. oddly enough, i know exactly what i want to write. i have pages of handwritten notes in my journal. but i just can't seem to transfer the words from on medium to the other.

i suppose the important thing was that i did it. a grand whopping total of 130 words. words that i would just as soon replace with a might stroke of the delete key. actually truth be told, i wrote a lot more than 130 words but suffice it to say that tongiht the delete key was going down more often that a new york
hook– umm.... never mind.

yesterday was back day and was doing the deficit deadlift. it is an excellent way to improve your dead lift particularly if you are 'slow off the floor.' the lifter pulls from atop a slight platform which helps you generate more power in the 'hole.'

i generally do this variation while standing on a reebok step which means the barbell is approximately 4 inches below me. i am pleased to report that yesterday i was pulling 225lbs for 6-10 reps, which is a new personal best. i am also pleased to report that i still cannot dead lift without cutting my shins open on the bar and i should also add that i am sick enough to take cell phone pics of my bloody shins.

clearly i need help... but it is all part of my charm.

30 days hath december???

no not quite... but i did want to make it official. starting tomorrow a post a day on the blog.

i plan to write every day for the next thirty days. i hope to use this push to get through my writer's block with my basketball story. i plan to post a quick recap of the days successes or failures here so you can follow along at home.

sorry to be brief but i am trying not to let the water overflow in the bath.

sometimes multitasking can be dangerous

do they know it's christmas?

i am forever amused by the people i work with and more importantly i have an excellent idea on how to tackle the world's hunger problem... well at least through the month of december.

on almost a daily basis there is scads of food laying around. i propose that some of the starving be brought by. now while i understand that cookies, cakes, chips, donuts and the like are not exactly the kind of fare that would be best for someone starving but in comparison to having nothing at all... it has got to be the better option.

what i also find amusing is most of my work mates claim to be dieting or watching what they eat. as near as i can tell they are just watching as they eat.

i know... i am going to burn in hell.

on a personal note i have been thinking i need to do another 30-day writing challenge. i have writer's block and rather than push through it, i haven't even been trying to write. i generally like to start new things on monday's so it is very likely that i will start on the seventeenth.

and finally this regarding this anne hathaway thing. apparently her 'personal business' has been 'splayed*' all over the internet. it seems the paparazzi caught her getting out of a limo. ms hathaway had opted to go commando rather than face the horrors of the panty line. gasp!!!

well i gotta tell you that i am a fan of the panty line... know why? 'cuz it means that i got my draws on!!! and do you know what it means when one has their draws on? it means slimy paparazzi can't take pictures of your business and spread it over the internet. they could still distribute pictures of your draws but i for one would rather that then the alternative. yikes!!

* pun intended

a brand new day?

once again i have let a lot of time pass between blog posts. the reality is that i have been doing some pretty heavy thinking. as i shared last time i had taken some pictures in florida. pictures that showed a result that i really wasn't hoping to see. it was my opinion and the opinion of a fellow bodybuilder that i have been losing size. losing size is a big deal to a bodybuilder it is the antithesis of what we are trying to do.

during the last two trips to florida natalie kept referring to a time when i used to be 'bigger'. and frankly those comments really stung. i couldn't imagine how i could consistently be in the gym and still be losing size. well i guess a picture is worth a thousand words. because clearly that is what has been happening.

earlier this year i learned of another training protocol called x-reps. the x-rep protocol was supposed to allow the lifter to train for size while utilizing weights that aren't as 'heavy'. which should allow the lifter to go easier on their joints. i was excited about a possibility where i could gain much needed size without risking further injury. it was the protocol i followed since the start of the year and it would appear that when push comes to shove, it really didn't work for me.

i am back to thinking that the only way to re-build the muscle mass that i lost is the same way i built it in the first place. so the x-rep experiment is behind me and i am now trying to move more weight. hopefully the next set of pictures will show a real improvement all round.

as i have said before... miles to go before i sleep.

fun in the sun

it has been almost three weeks since i returned from florida i guess i am more than a little late with my 'what i did on my summer vacation' essay.

ultimately it was a quiet vacation. i spent a lot of time relaxing at my aunt's house while my cousin was at work. however i did spend almost every day at the local l.a fitness.

i would have to say as far as travel gyms go, it wasn't too bad. it was more of a 'health club' than i would like but i made it work. it was generally quiet and for the most part other than the usual odd looks the locals left me alone.

we attempted to return to the keys for 'fantasy fest,' which is a week long festival that is highlighted by a parade down key west's main street.

fantasy fest is a tad hedonistic and as long as your covered in body paint, clothing for the most part remains optional. now while people tend to imagine tanned, firm bodies covered in paint the reality is entirely different. the bodies the should have remained covered were the ones most frequently on display. i suppose on one hand the fact that grandma was comfortable enough to wander around topless was admirable. however, it has been well over a year and i still can't get the image of her aged, saggy, leopard painted breasts out of my mind. or grandpa who was naked save the tiny neon green sack that hung from his waist. a sack that contained his grandpa junk.

last year we were down in the keys for the saturday but this year we weren't able to get there until sunday morning. turns out it is all said and done by then. so instead of live bands, dancing in the streets and costumed revelers it was just a quiet sunday in the keys.

as i had planned, i did take progress pictures while i was in south beach. since i've been back i have taken a really good look at them and to be honest i am not pleased by what i see. i had hoped that my legs would look balanced. i had hoped to have regained the size i lost after the injury. sadly they don't and i haven't.

what i can see is a bit more thickness in the middle of my back, which is a good thing. i can see a bit more mass in my delts, which is also a good thing. and finally i think there might even be a shade more pectoral mass as well. but i feel that the discrepancy between the two quads is still to great to be ignored. so right now i am thinking that i will still be on the injured reserve list during the 2013 competitive bodybuilding season.




today i sent a copy of the pics to a fellow bodybuilder for what i hope is a brutally honest opinion. people around me want me to compete and i don't think they understand that i'd rather not step on stage looking any less than my absolute best.

i seem to have failed

as i have shared previously i have been dieting for my trip down south. my goal was to take progress pictures and i had hoped to diet myself down to 160 lbs.

when i start a diet things appear to be go along swimmingly and suddenly i'd hit a plateau. the first time i stalled, i made a slight dietary adjustment and increased my cardio by five minutes and that worked. the second time my weight loss stalled i added yet another five minutes to my cardio and again i was successful.

i started my quest at 170 lbs and i was pretty damn pleased to be weighing 161 lbs. last week from thursday through to sunday. there was no cheat meal, there was no variance in diet but my weight did go back up to 163 lbs. is the sudden weight 'gain' a reflection of my stress levels? it could be because yesterday morning i was able to don a pair of jeans that i can't wear any other time of the year. basically i keep them in my closet to have something to wear when i get lean.

basically, i've lost a couple of inches of my mid-section, i can see a lot more definition when i train and i have lost anywhere from seven to nine pounds.

on to other news. in late july i went for a ride out in the country on my bike and to my shock and horror the bike stalled. luckily i was able to get her going and what should have been a 2 hour ride turned into a 5 hour trip as the bike stalled several more times. when i was able to get the bike into the shop they told me that the tank lining was breaking down, getting into the fuel line and plugging the jets. since the tank had be coated or lined twice previously they suggested that it was time to replace the tank. i attempted to take the bike out on short trips while i waited for the replacement tank but she was just too unreliable.

by late september it was time to start thinking about winter storage and as much as i love jade, i just couldn't fathom going through the expense of storing what was essentially a 400 lb paperweight. so after a lot of deliberation, soul-searching and bouts of guilt i realized i was bike shopping. i found an 2006 ninja 500, essentially the same bike just several years younger. jade is a 1993 ex-500. if i remember my kawasaki history correctly the ex-500 was renamed the ninja 500 a couple model years later.

i am purchasing the '06 from a bike dealership and unfortunately they had no trade interest in my '93. everyone suggested i try to sell the jade on kiijiji but as i don't have a winter storage options at home, private sale is not a viable option. consignment sale at my bike shop would cost me $250 plus 10% of the sale price. no sale? i would still owe them $250 for winter storage. so i looked into bike salvage.

the guy at the bike salvage place started talking about possibly buying jade, fixing her tank issues and re-selling her to someone else. i was excited by that plan, the knowledge that the old girl could bring some joy to someone else really eased my mind. they just needed to bench my bike to assess her value, to see all that they needed to 'fix' and what kind of shape she was really in.

the call came last night it seems that the v.i.n stamped into the bike frame was altered to match the v.i.n on record. what does that mean? it means that someone who owned the bike before me made the switch. since i am the fourth owner of that bike it could have been done at any time in the bike's history. was the bike stolen? i don't know and i guess i will never know. clearly buying used bikes off of other riders is not the way to go and from now on it will be dealerships for me. sure i will pay a bit more than i would with private sale but at least i would not find out something like this.

so there has been a little bit of drama in my life of late but then who among us doesn't have a little drama from time to time.

i will see you when i get back!

some suprises are nasty

payday is friday and i leave for my vacation next week thursday. you can imagine my displeasure at learning that work intends on holding on all payables until after the end of their fiscal year. which basically means i won't see a pay cheque until november. i am willing to bet those fawkers hold off until the second pay period in november.

when i got the email appraising me of this situation i was so angry i went out to the parking lot to cool off for a while. since it was not the first time they've screwed me over like this there nothing was 'cooled'.

and to add insult to injury i got to sit there while they handed out payroll statements to the full-time employees.

it is probably not much of a suprise that i did not finish out the day. i spent so much time internalizing my anger and frustration that i gave myself a headache.

i was at the gym a earlier this evening and even that hasn't been able to calm me down.

tomorrow is gonna suck.

body by slinky??

It's Slinky
It's Slinky
For fun it's a wonderful toy
It's fun for a girl or a boy
It's fun for a girl or a boy

it was back day and i was at the gym loading my bar between sets of deadlifts when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye i saw a female gym member. the woman in question appeared to be crawling along the gym floor.

the crawl to the locker room is something you would expect to see from someone who have done one hell of a leg workout. someone who has left it all on the gym floor and has no other method of forward momentum than by dragging their lifeless carcass along the floor.

this woman however was crawling on purpose. she started off in a plank with her socked feet hooked behind the lip of a 35 lb. plate. she would then drag the plate under her hips, from there she would walk forward until she was back in a plank position before repeating the drag. she covered a fair bit of the gym this way and i have to admit i had to stop what i was doing to watch in disbelief.

i do understand that a lot of folks have lost interest in traditional training methods and are drawn to crossfit and boot camp training styles. i would like to respectfully mention that they do have gyms that specialize in and are set up for those training styles. dragging yourself along the floor in a traditional gym turns you into a hazard. if i had stepped back for any reason i would have tripped over her. which more than likely would have had me knocking myself out on the sled press machine behind me.

the slinky lady comes to the gym with her gear-head boyfriend who is responsible for things she does on the gym floor. he sometimes comes to our gym wearing a t-shirt with personal trainer emblazoned on the back. i have to tell you nothing scares me more than watching him train when he has that shirt on.

i am convinced the boyfriend is a few fries short of a happy meal. that or mommy didn't play with him enough. he isn't happy unless he is training in the most obnoxious manner of all. we are talking about needlessly slamming the weights and screaming as if he was being castrated sans anesthetic on the gym floor. i know that he does it all simply for the attention because if you watch him you will see him toss himself to the floor lay there for a few seconds then pop his head up to see if anyone is looking before crumpling back onto the floor. almost as though he is suffering from an attack of the vapours the likes of which any plantation era southern belle would envy.

later while i was attempting to pick up a 45 lb. plate that some jug head had left on the floor not even six scant inches away from the hook it should have been hung from. 45's can be tricky to pick up if the plate doesn't have a natural lip, you sort of need to use your feet to nudge the plate up enough to get your fingers under it, preferably without crushing your fingers. which can happen as sometimes the damn plate will slip before you have established a firm hold.

there wasn't a lot of space between the plate loaded machine i was using and the delt machine beside it. if i am between the two machines struggling with a full plate that takes up a good portion of available space. suddenly there is sara slinky and she is powering her way through the tiny gap. just then a little pink thing goes sailing through the air. it seems her headphone wire caught on the handle of the machine and was ripped from her head.

i had to laugh.

now i can't say for certain that girlfriend was trying to intimidate me but if she was... somebody should tell little precious that i am the last person she mess around with.

it took quite a bit of searching but i finally found a youtube video of the exercise. notice the lack of people, equipment, weights and the like in the area where the exercise is performed.

ring the alarm

a couple weeks ago, on the radio, they started talking about one of the world's hottest peppers. this pepper, they said was rated 1,000,000 units on the scoville scale of pepper hotness. two of the d.j's ate six hot wings live on air. they were coated in a sauce made with the bhut jolokia or ghost pepper. suffice it to say they were quite uncomfortable and one of the dj's had difficulty speaking after he was done.

according to one of the dj's while working with this pepper you need to wear gloves and eye protection! at first i really couldn't understand the appeal of eating something that was so dangerous. at first!

my father came home with some peppers that he got from his friend. lo' and behold among them was the famed ghost pepper. i'd like to tell you that i recoiled in horror and ran screaming from the room but that was not the case. i managed to ignore the gleaming bottle of hot peppers on the kitchen countertop for a day or two. i was kind of holding out for a hot sauce made with the lone uncut pepper that my father.

it was a monday afternoon when i gave in and cracked the seal on the bottle. i dug out a pepper and added it to my lunch. the bottle holds a mixture of the jamaican scotch bonnet pepper and the bhut jolokia. the scotch bonnet it is worth noting comes in at paltry 350,000 units on the scoville scale. so needless to say, my meal was hot but it was still no big deal. i guess i picked added another scotch bonnet pepper to my dinner that night and in hindsight i supposed that allowed me to get somewhat cocky.

when i prepared my lunch for work on tuesday i grabbed a larger pepper slice out of the bottle. the pepper had been cut in half along its length. i did remember noting that it looked a bit different than the pepper slices i'd chosen previously but otherwise i thought nothing of it.

my first indication that i may have miscalculated came when i noticed that i could smell pepper while i was still a good 3 feet away from the microwave. the first bite of my meal taught me in no uncertain terms that this was not my mother's hot pepper.

i think i got about half of my meal down before i started hitting the water bottle. i remember sitting there in the midst of an intense stare down with the ghost pepper. you see, you can't let the pepper see you sweat. you can't let it beat you.

like the trooper i am i did eat the whole thing but i did have to wait until the plate got down to about room temperature before i could finish. it is kind of funny thing but as i waited for my meal to cool down i noticed that one by one my work mates started sneezing. oops... my bad!

because i generally try to keep my blog classy, i won't tell you about the ghost pepper's revenge that occurred later that evening. i will only say this about that... it was rough!!!

from light to dark

i am happy to report that the loss of carbs and the additional five minutes of cardio seem to be doing the trick. the scale has finally started to nudge its way to the left and further i needed almost a 1/2 inch less tape to make it around my mid-section.

if things continue as they are i probably won't need to make any further adjustments. it is still early so i am not ruling out a last week 'kick'. nothing too crazy, maybe something as simple as adding another five minutes of cardio. again, i should reiterate that i am still off-season but just want to drop enough bodyfat to 'see' the muscles that i have been trying to build. there is no need nor is it particularily healthy to aim for stage definition.

there have been no further developments of note on the writing front... much to my immediate displeasure. i should have nothing but opportunity during my upcoming vacation. it is likely that natalie will be working while i am there and i will have to fill my days somehow. last i heard she had yet to replace her computer after the break-in.

the thought of being away from the internet for eleven days does actually fill me with a sense of abject terror. dear god i might actually be forced to speak to someone!!!

now onto the dark.

a little over a week ago i spent the morning in a church saying good-bye to uncle noel. after a long and difficult battle with alzheimers we laid him to rest.

i have mentioned in here time and time again that i am not known for making a lot of family events but this is one that i did not miss. in fact during the post-service gathering my father was moved to remark how he was amazed that i was still there.

the reason i mentioned my uncle's passing is to discuss the funeral service. i have never recognized organized religion to be anything more than a cash grab and i honestly fail to see the validity of the funeral service. i sat there and listened to the pastor speak, the soloist warble and i watched the alter boys fight to stay awake when they weren't 'leaping' into action. as near as i could tell, nothing that was said or done that day seemed to make my aunt and cousin's grief any less.

at one point with all the standing and sitting, i sort of wished i had some weights to take advantage of the squatting opportunity. blaspheme much? well yeah... burn baby, burn.

the longer the service lasted the more convinced i was that i don't want a service held to celebrate my passing. although i could easily see how some folks might be moved to party on such an occasion. just toss my carcass into the furnace and call it a day.

what would make me happy, assuming i would still give a damn since i will probably be twisting in a sea of flames; i'd rather everyone just spend a couple hours doing something that brought them joy. hell... they don't even need to do it together. my brothers both enjoy golfing. i have no use for the game but i'd rather instead of spending a couple hours in a church trying to look sullen and miserable that they hit the links.

on one hand i find it kind of odd that i am contemplating my passing already but as time goes by i really only getting closer to the finish line and further and further away from the starting blocks.

as they say in la belle province... c'est la vie.

is that a tomato in your hand...

or are you just happy to see me?

after much talk about my father and his garden i thought i would share some of the fruits of his labour. no pun intended. this little beauty showed up on the window sill the other day. frankly i am speechless.

good-bye to you...

as i shared recently i am dieting again. i intend to take progress pics during my upcoming florida vacation. during the first three weeks of my quest i have had little definitive success. on the gym floor i can see more detail while i train so i have to be marginally leaner, however there has been little movement on the scale.

i have enough experience with dieting to know that the scale is not always the best way to judge improvements. this past weekend i broke out the measuring tape. which proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that at my current rate i will not reach my target goal. thus any pictures taken would not accurately show physique improvements.

to that end i have made some changes. the secret to dieting is to make slow and gradual changes, particularly if the goal is to hang onto the muscle mass you've been trying to build.

previously my daily caloric intake was just shy of 1900 calories, with the first four meals of my day having a clean carb. i have removed the brown rice from my fourth meal of the day and replaced the green peas with green beans. that will take my daily caloric intake down to about 1700 calories. i have also increased my post-workout cardio to 25 minutes from 20.

all told i expect to see some real progress in the next couple of weeks. my abdominals is the area where i tend to lean out last. if i can lose a good couple of inches there i will definitely be in a position to actually learn something from the pics i intend to take.

there is still five weeks left so i still have some wiggle room and i can make further changes if need be.

you might also be interested in hearing how the writing is going. frankly it isn't. i am ashamed to say that because my first story was as well received as it was, i find myself too intimidated to try again. sometimes, with things other than weight training, i find it easier to not try rather than try and fail. i will be honest with you, i am more than a little disappointed with myself.

the bloke and i have discussed this and as he is my writing mentor he is of the opinion i shouldn't beat myself up over my inability to write. he believes that if i don't let myself worry about it, it will happen. i wish i could believe that.

and finally would you believe that work continues to play the maybe we will pay you, maybe we won't game. fekkin' wankers!!

adding to my fifteen minutes

i recently posted my complete and edited fanfiction up on the indeath.net website. as you may have recalled from earlier blogs posts it was something i intended to do, yet something that i was more than a little nervous about. sure i was pleased with how it turned out and everyone who read it, who already liked me, had nothing but kind reviews.

but the internet is a scary and wonderful place. the anonymity of it allows some people the courage to be cruel without retribution. with that knowledge i was amazed and happy as #@%& to receive positive reviews from the readers over at indeath.net. to paraphrase ms. fields "they like me... they really like me!"

i should also note that somewhere in toronto's west end there is a certain english gentleman who is currently doing a fairly unbecoming version of the 'i told you' dance. it's a very slow version of the british shuffle as the bloke does nothing quickly. his nickname is the bloke after all, it is not flash!

and on that note... it is time i do what they pay me!

but know that i am even more inspired to write another story and this time i am challenging myself to step even further outside of my little box

pictures worth 1000 words

i was reminded during saturday's blogging presentation that it is always a good idea to post pictures. so this post is going to be a little more pic heavy than usual.

first of all i wanted to share with you a couple of pics that actually go hand in hand with yesterdays man vs. beast(s) post. this first shot is the tree limb that was my dad's original first line of defence to stop something from burrowing beneath the gate.

these days the bottom of the gate is guarded by this strip of wood. i am not sure of its effectiveness. i guess time will tell.

my weight has been bouncing around 167-172 lbs. so lately i had been allowing myself a cheat meal every weekend that i was at 167 lbs. there have been quite a few pizza and chocolate cake cheat meals. yeah for me!

while working through my knee rehab i have been also focusing on bringing up my lagging body parts. trying to add much needed delts and calf development on top of trying to regain size on my left quad. this pic is about a week old. i can definitely see some improvements with my rear delts. however my arms still overshadow my delts, so as they say... miles to go before i sleep.

and the latest bane of my existance. the wheels. sadly it is still slow going but i have noticed improvments since the acu-stim treatments. i haven't been back for further treatment since june. there was a mix-up at work and i have been getting paid once instead of bi-weekly the past couple of months. the pic below is out of focus and i apologize. it is pretty challenging to flex and stay still enough to take a cell phone pic. i also tried to hurry before someone wandered into the change room. it is hard to keep your street cred when your caught with your shorts rolled up while you're taking a pic of yourself in the mirror.

last fall i went down to florida to spend some time with my family. i am planning on heading back down that way around the end of october. my latest challenge to myself is to get back on the diet wagon to see if i can possibly get any closer to 160 lbs. where we stayed in the keys was pretty scenic, it would make a wonderful back drop to an off season photo shoot. so that is my interim goal.

somebody better warn pizzaville and mccain's that i am dieting again!!

man vs. beast(s)

my father is locked in a battle of wills with some of the wildlife in our neighbourhood.

to really appreciate the tale i am about to tell you, you have to understand a couple of things. first of all my father has it in his head that all his problems stem from the activity of the local squirrel population. depending upon how long you've been reading this blog, you may already be aware that there are raccoons and skunks in the area as well. added to that there are also some nomadic cats slinking about the neigbourhood. we don't know who the cats belong to but they are under the misguided belief that they own all they survey. secondly, my father, like many born and bred in the islands, is known to revert back to island patois when agitated.

there are a lot of people who are of the mistaken belief that all island patois can be referred to as 'speaking jamaican'. each caribbean island has its own distinct patois. island folks know instantly where someone is from as soon as they open their mouth. also each island has an ego and you can pretty much get people hopping mad by suggesting that they come from anywhere other than the island of their birth. much like how you can really piss off a scotsman or an irishman by misidentifying their accent.

since my father planted his garden he has been storming around the homestead muttering under his breath and cursing the squirrels.

island folks have their own way of pronouncing things... a trait most commonly committed by the older population. which is why my dad calls them "skwee-rels". island folk also like to put pronouns after the noun and use the singular version of the noun. so when my father says 'those damn squirrels' what you actually hear is "de d'yam skwee-rel dem" or literally 'the damn squirrel them'.

as far as my father was concerned the squirrels alone were digging up his garden.

something has burrowed under the side gate. originally it was a fairly shallow trench but i guess whatever it is, it has been putting on some weight because lately that trench has been getting deeper and deeper.

my poor father has had enough and has tried a few different ways to discouraging the foraging. mothballs were ground into a powder and spread liberally throughout the yard. fail! some electronic devices were purchased and installed at regular intervals throughout the front and back yards. fail! most recently my father attempted to season the grounds by liberally adding cayenne pepper. epic fail! the morning after the cayenne pepper was laid out my brother and i watched three skunks have some sort of party in the back yard. they were either digging up a storm or were participating in some sort of skunk booty dance. from our vantage point in the kitchen we were unable accurately ascertain the activity and neither of us were stupid and/or brave enough to get close enough to see clearly.

as far as dad was concerned that was the final straw. unbeknownst to me he attempted to block the space under the gate with a tree limb. i went out one morning to open the gate to retrieve my kawi and the side gate was mysteriously blocked. common sense would have dictated that i walk through the house and approach the gate from the other side. on one hand i could well be described at stubborn, although i much prefer the term tenacious. you could probably blame my behaviour on my activities in the gym because these days i am more inclined to rely on brute strength instead of common sense.

that said, there i was tugging, pushing and lifting the gate all the while littering the air with some fairly colourful language. i am fairly confident that the gate and the tree limb were both physically incapable of the activities i recommended they do. further i am fairly sure neither item has a 'mother' per se. eventually i bullied my way into the backyard. i am pleased to note that the gate still stands although it is not quite as sturdy as it once was.

did the tree limb discourage the burrower? nope there was just a deeper trench.

local wildlife: 1  my dad: 0

online trumps offline

even though i am not currently working as a personal trainer it is important to me to keep my certification current. to that end yesterday found me down at the can-fit-pro conference sitting through a few lectures to amass some continuing education credits. my first lecture was actually about blogging and since i have this little spot in the virtual universe i decided that was a lecture i needed to attend.

during her presentation amanda vogel asked if we preferred personal contact or online contact. initially there was some confusion with regard to what she was asking but the group soon assured ms. vogel that they preferred personal contact.

i am a square peg in a sea of round holes... so it really shouldn't surprise anyone, that unlike the rest of the class, i feel far more comfortable with online contact.

back when i spent my days at rampage skate park. i was friends with a few of the other sport enthusiasts which was highly unusual as typically bmx riders and skateboarders didn't much care for rollerbladers. one rider and i had basically nothing more to say to each other in person than 'hi' or 'bye'. however at night we would be talking to each other in online chat rooms for most of the night. we really got to know each other really well and yet offline we barely spoke. we've maintained our friendship through the years, the only difference is now we 'talk' through blackberry messenger.

grant stopped by the gym yesterday evening. he used to work there and i haven't seen him in several months. it was really nice to catch up and hear what he's been getting up to. as the conversation drew to a close young grant stepped in to hug me goodbye. i should add that 'the bloke', who sometimes comments on this blog, was on the stationary bike to my left. 'the bloke' is well aware of my non-demonstrative nature and he found grant's request and the ensuing awkward clutch quite amusing.

i have to admit that i was fairly surprised that the bloke didn't tumble off the bike in a fit of giggles... and yes, 'the bloke' giggles. he would claim that he has a manly giggle but at best he giggles like a manly school girl!

there are a lot of people who seem to be spontaneous huggers so a decided advantage to online relationships is that you are not required to do anything more than the odd hugging smiley and even i can do that!

ms. vogel challenged us all to post a blog and send her the link. she plans to stop by and comment on all of the blog links she gets. i can't imagine what she would be moved to say about this... i guess there is truly only one way to find out.

finally i wanted to take a moment to point out that there are some definite downsides to having my blog on an open forum. it now has the attention of spammers. you will now notice that any comments that you make will not immediately be posted to the blog. they will be moderated by yours truly. i will have them posted as soon as i can. please know that as soon as you enter them i get an email from blogger to let me know they are there. i am sorry that this step is needed but there are clearly far too many people out there with far too much time on their hands. but my friends, please keep commenting. ~ thank you, miche

lone wolf... party of one

my oldest brother stopped by the homestead yesterday. he came bearing an invitation for the family up to his place on sunday for a bbq. there was an extremely awkward moment when he attempted to include me in the invitation.

by now i would think it is a given that i am not going to be at any gathering or event that occurs anywhere other than at the homestead. and truth be told, if i could figure out how to duck out of those as well, i would.

for the longest time i have felt out of place and decidedly uncomfortable at these gatherings. i am not sure if it just further manifestations of my unsociable side or if it has to do with my claustrophobia... or a combination of them both. all i know is that i find it hard to sit still, i have no patience for any of the activities going on and i want nothing more than to be far away. the times when the gatherings happen at the home i am agitated up until people leave. 

getting drunk seems to help me tolerate the extra bodies and i have to ability to appear social. but i will be honest i don't like getting drunk, it gets in the way of my training and i can't help but think that i shouldn't need to get drunk in order to get through events.

is there an event in particular that has prompted this bbq? yes, my brother's sister-in-law has returned from africa or someplace and she will be accompanied by her husband/baby daddy/man and their two babies. on a good day i'd never had anything to say to the woman beyond hi, how are you? 

i have absolutely no interest in children and i was born without a biological clock. or perhaps i found the thing years ago and hammered it into submission. i don't want to see, smell or hold babies. in fact the little fawkers freak me out. i see them as watermelon-sized grenades. the problem being you can't tell when the pin has been pulled and you can never tell which end is gonna erupt. all i know is that whatever is coming out of whichever end is nothing i want to see, hear, wear or smell.

i readily admit that i am really not that nice of a person. but i also recognize that my quirks and idiosyncrasies are all part of my charm!

finally i wanted to take a moment to point out that there are some definite downsides to having my blog on an open forum. it now has the attention of spammers. you will now notice that any comments that you make will not immediately be posted to the blog. they will be moderated by yours truly. i will have them posted as soon as i can. please know that as soon as you enter them i get an email from blogger to let me know they are there. i am sorry that this step is needed but there are clearly far too many people out there with far too much time on their hands. but my friends, please keep commenting. ~ thank you, miche

timing is clearly everything... and mine sucks!!!

over the past 12 years i have had some pretty unnerving gym experiences. by nature i am pretty shy, fairly reserved and i am told i have a rather unusual sense of propriety.
in the locker room there are different types of behaviour: there are women who are quite comfortable with their bodies and will drop trou without reservation. there are those who are the polar opposite and those women will dart into the bathroom stalls to change à la clark kent. truth be told i prefer the latter to the former.

i consistently seem to choose the absolute worst times to wander into the locker room. over the years i have had moments that have almost caused my dreadlocks stand on end.

there was the senior citizen who was bent over as i innocently walked into the locker room. i was greeted with almost a full moon. there was all kinds of senior citizen booty that was not contained by her lilac thong!!

there have been many a time when i turn the corner into the bathroom and am greeted by a naked woman attempting to dry herself with the wall-mounted hand dryer. i really don't have to words to describe the type of contortions required to facilitate that action. believe me when i tell you it is not a spectator sport!!

i remember one woman who wanted to talk while she was as nekkid as a jay-bird. i became very interested in the contents of my locker. i had hoped to afford her to time to put on some damn clothes. yet every time i turned around she was still in butt nekkid. after i ran out of things to 'do' in my locker i spent the rest of the time bent over tying and re-tying my shoes.

today i was greeted by the sight of a member who was bare-assed naked in the middle of the locker room. she was pouring herself into her panty-hose before tugging on her dress. unfortunately i now know that she prefers going commando when she goes out to hit the clubs. that kind of knowledge is really none of my business. and not that she asked me but she really should consider investing in spanx.

i am aware that the general consensus is that we are all women and we all have the same parts. now while that may be true i am firm in the belief that i don't gotta see your parts and you don't gotta see mine. i am not one to change in the bathroom stall but by the same token i also don't dawdle in states of undress.

i would be remiss in letting you think that my gym 'luck' extends only to the women's locker room. i have also had the misfortune of turning around on the gym floor just as some guy has decided to start mining for gold in his crotch. well it was either that or dude had fleas the size of beetles!!

there have also been other 'gentlemen' who have felt that the mirrors provide excellent opportunities to dig stalactites out of their nose or squeeze monster zits. trust me when i tell you that you do not want to know where those zits were.

there used to be a guy who liked to wear those loose fitting nylon running shorts, favoured by marathon athletes, on his leg day. he would precede his workout by performing a series of seated hamstring stretches. it soon became apparent to every one on the gym floor that the man wasn't wearing underpants. every now and then little josé would slip out of the house and say hi. i am not sure which gym employee had the pleasure of telling him that his boys weren't welcome on the gym floor... all i know is that is wasn't me. i'd have quit first!

finally i wanted to take a moment to point out that there are some definite downsides to having my blog on an open forum. it now has the attention of spammers. you will now notice that any comments that you make will not immediately be posted to the blog. they will be moderated by yours truly. i will have them posted as soon as i can. please know that as soon as you enter them i get an email from blogger to let me know they are there. i am sorry that this step is needed but there are clearly far too many people out there with far too much time on their hands. but my friends, please keep commenting. ~ thank you, miche

the results are in!!!

my last blog taked about my plan to share my first fan-fic attempt with people to gauge whether or not i had any real skill with this writing thing. it was a real shock to me how well it was received.

everyone who read it seemed to enjoy it and everyone was kind enough to respond to my request for constructive criticism. generally the comments were similar. most made note of the lack of physical descriptions of the characters. more than one person wondered about the method of drug delivery in the story so that will have to change before the final version is posted.

yes that is right posted. i will definitely put it up on the fan-fic site when i am done.

so what is next? well i have 4 story ideas in the little journal i carry. the next story developed was supposed to be a piece involving women's college basketball and made up of all my own characters. i am convinced that i need more writing confidence before i undertake such  a lofty goal. i also have an idea for yet another eve dallas fan-fic so i am going to start there.

the new story idea has already become a 2.5 page outline in my journal. this story will have the character descriptions missing from my first attempt. it will also have some of the violence that is a normal part of the series.

i was concerned with following the rules with my first attempt. the one's that said to keep it relatively short and not attempt a story too bogged down with characters. but since the first story is already under my belt those rules no longer apply. writer freedom?? i am so excited to see what i come up with.

most importantly i want to thank all of you for your kind words and your support as i continue to grow and evolve. i am not much of a beatles fan but clearly i get by with a little help from my friends.

finally i wanted to take a moment to point out that there are some definite downsides to having my blog on an open forum. it now has the attention of spammers. you will now notice that any comments that you make will not immediately be posted to the blog. they will be moderated by yours truly. i will have them posted as soon as i can. please know that as soon as you enter them i get an email from blogger to let me know they are there. i am sorry that this step is needed but there are clearly far too many people out there with far too much time on their hands. but my friends, please keep commenting. ~ thank you, miche

puttin' on my big girl pants

i suppose after the subject of my previous blog post any mention of undergarments might be a tad alarming. however i assure you that this post has nothing to do with any wardrobe malfunctions or missteps. so what the dickens am i on about now? i merely refer to my first fan-fiction attempt and the steps i have taken to 'get it out there.'

a few months back i wrote my first attempt at fan-fiction and after i shared it i was encouraged to continue the story to its logical end. to date the only one who has read the completed piece is the bloke, as he has been kind enough to edit it for me.

even though the fic is still somewhat un-edited i decided to take a chance and share it. i really want to get some feedback and constructive criticism. the bloke with his pom-poms held high assures me that folks will be impressed. however as i am a natural born pessimist i am fully prepared for folks to tell me to take up knitting!

about 3 copies went out to people who actually like me but the big girl pants refers to the requests i sent to other fic writers, strangers if you will... to see if they might be interested in taking a peek. i have yet to hear back but not everyone spends as much time online as i do.

regardless of how the fic writers respond to my first attempt i will applaud myself for taking yet another important step. a step outside of my comfort zone.

i don't want to belong to any club...

it is said that when offered a friar's club membership, groucho marx sent a letter with the following reply, "i don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." the first time that i heard that quote i thought it was funny, but i never really thought about what it might mean.

well that was until last saturday.

last saturday i noticed a woman walking on the sidewalk by the gym. for reasons unknown she was wearing a bra... no shirt... just a bra... not a bra top... again, just a bra.

can you imagine my surprise when i noticed she was headed towards the front door of the gym! it was one of the members of the gym! i remember hoping that she didn't plan on training in her underwear but alas she did.

i am amazed that it never occurred to her to put on a shirt, tank top, sweater vest, etc... current bra designs make use of a sheer cup. sheer is never opaque. if it is not opaque it is see through!!

it was further amazing to me that her clothing choice was not challenged. especially since the staff member working that day was also female. if i was still working there i would have told her to put on a damn shirt or tossed her half-nekkid ass out!!

there has been such a rampant display of stupidity on the gym floor of late. and i find that i now appreciate that marx quote on a whole other level.

the beast turns

from time to time i suppose i can be a little bit of a gym bully. according to the bloke last sunday was one of those times.

when i first joined the gym there were rules and they were enforced! one of the rules regarded the 'grunting' that some lifters feel is more a part of the culture than the exercise themselves. now while i can understand why it is hard to perform a 800 lb deadlift quietly. i similarly can't understand why a grown-ass man on the leg press with 3 plates aside, has to scream as though he is being violated by the lifers in cell block 8.

when the 'trainer to the stars' first started working out of the gym, he brought in a contingent of 'competitors' who basically got the grunting thing going. not to be outdone the wannabe's and general ass hats soon leapt into the fray.

turning up the volume on my mp3 player was not enough to drown out the braying. i eventually had to purchase a headphone adapter that had a separate volume control. now i could turn my music up to eleven* (high-five to all of you who got the spinal tap reference).

sometimes even with my music at ear-bleeding volumes i could still hear the ass hats. it was a very frustrating time. due to a situation beyond his control the 'trainer to the stars' left the gym and i had hoped his posse would leave as well. that wasn't the case and the wailing continues.

sunday one of the guys i know was working out at the cable station beside me. he was performing tricep pushdowns and even though he wasn't lifting all that heavy he began to drowned out my music. at the end of my set i walked over to where he was and we exchanged greetings. i pulled out my mp3 player and i asked him to do me a favour. i asked him to make "...that sound again." i believe it was with some pride he clarified, "you mean my grunt?" and long story short i had him grunt repeatedly while i kept turning up the volume on my player. when i finally couldn't hear him anymore i said "thank you" and returned to my workout.

when i told the bloke that story last night at the gym. he confirmed that i was indeed a gym bully. he also bust a gut laughing so clearly he is no angel either.

but as far as i am concerned it was the best possible solution buddy could continue to bellow like a stuck calf and i didn't have to listen to him. i just think it was important for him to realize that his behaviour is annoying... and if he stops all the better!

gym bullies unite!!

the beat goes on

i believe the rib and vertabrae issues are behind me, (feverishly knocking on wood). i cannot put into words the relief that realization has brought to me and more importantly to my sanity. which means i am now back in the gym.

the decision to return to the gym was met with little enthusiasm by family and friend alike. while i am touched at the outpouring of care and support it is extremely difficult to explain, to those people, how hard it is on me when i can't train.

i am reminded of what my mother used to ask me back when i was a child. the poor woman could not understand how a daughter of hers seemingly could not sit still. she would frequently ask, "do you have ants?"

i am an athlete and i have that mindset. i need to compete and i need to train to compete.

periods of inactivity, especially when i feel healthy cause more stress than anything. people assume it means that i have little regard for the quality of my life when i am older. the truth of the matter is that i do care what kind of 'shape' i will be in... however i also have to be concerned with my quality of life and my sanity right now!

that said, i have made the best possible decision for a safe return to the gym. i am following a de-load training protocol. all exercise choices are machine based options. it is necessary to ensure that my back is fully supported during this time. i am also working a three set, ten rep scheme with poundages that i usually reserve for warm-ups. this conservative plan allows me to at least be doing something while i continue to heal. hopefully by next week i can train more effectively.

i should also mention that i shared this plan with my athletic therapist and she is in full support. i have been taking my aches and pains to her for about 15 years. an athletic therapist works to get the athlete back into game shape. through those 15 years i suffered three injuries in which she felt that time off  was necessary. it almost killed me to stop but i did it. it should go without saying that during my time off, she moved heaven and earth to get me back on my skates as quickly as possible. 

i tacked on 5 lbs during my time off. after two workouts and a return to a more responsible eating plan i am down about 3 lbs. go me!

no word yet from my doctor's office. that could mean that my doctor hasn't received my test results yet. it could also mean that the results are back but there is not need for action and/or concern. if i still haven't heard anything my next friday i will call her office and ask.

yesterday i was asked to fill-in for a vacationing co-worker. i was temporarily back on the account that i worked on previously. it went well up until about 2 pm when the woman on the afternoon shift started. 

i seriously can't figure that woman out. it has been 6 months since we have had to work together. if you recall quite mysteriously in late november she basically refused to speak to me. it made the work environment hostile. seeing as her and i were the only two artists on the account it made it even harder to get the job done.

there were several meetings between management and i as well as between management and her and still the hostility remained. when i was scheduled to be transferred off the account, she was all sweetness and light. one day back on the account and the b!tch was back!!

there was a lot of muttering and cursing when i finally got to my car that night. imagine the state of mind i would have been in if i hadn't gone to the gym to work it out.


edited to add:


just got the call from the doctor's office. the results are in, there is a very small umbilical hernia and there were no other areas of concern. clearly the 'whoosh' was nothing to worry about after all!! 

belly of the beast

well the past several days have been pretty interesting to say the least.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the mystery rib/vertabrae issue required one massage and three treatments before i was relatively pain-free. i spent the past weekend in bed and/or shuffling very stiffly around my home. and i was never too far away from my friend, mr. ice pack.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

monday morning, i had a doctor's appointment. i've noticed an oddity that i was hoping was not an umbilical hernia. unfortunately my doctor agrees with my diagnosis. damn! 

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the next course of action was to book an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis and to determine the treatment options. unless the hernia is severe or likely to cause an issue, they are typically left alone.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

in an interesting turn of events. there was some sort of 'whoosh' noise that my doctor heard in my abdomen. this sound caused her some concern. so much so, that i had yet to clear the waiting room before i was called back into her office. she wanted her colleague to have a listen.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

the other doctor confirmed the 'whoosh' and poked at my 'hernia.' the ultrasound could also determine what could be causing that sound. i was told not to worry. umm... yeah... okay... sure.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

i had barely cleared the parking garage when i received a call from my doctor's office! my ultrasound appointment was scheduled for the next day!!! suffice it to say that i have been failing the "don't worry" direction... miserably.

i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

yesterday, i had the ultrasound and i have a question. why do all laboratory technicians have to look so damn concerned while they conduct tests? how the 'eff' am i supposed to stave the unrestrained panic... if the tech is staring at the monitor as though she sees something the likes of which she has never seen before?

oh and i haven't been to the gym in TEN DAYS!!!

twenty-four ribs and a b*tch is one

i am sitting here fairly carefully at my desk. i have been doing most things fairly carefully for the balance of this past week. why? well it would appear that i have been having some mystery issue with my skeletal system.

here is what i know. my last appearance on the gym floor was last week sunday and i had a pretty good back workout. monday i was fine and that night i was noticing some positive changes to my rear delts. i spent some time posing to see if the improvements transferred over to the mandatories. tuesday morning i woke up and i still felt fine.

it was a sloooooow day at work and they had me watching another employee to further my training. i remember struggling to remain awake and i was aware that i was not sitting properly in my chair. sometime around noon i became aware of some pretty crazy lower back pain. luckily i had a massage scheduled for that evening and i just applauded my good fortune.

as the day progressed that back pain worsened to the point where it was a struggle to find a comfortable position. my massage therapist found that i had a rib out of position and he hoped that during his treatment he would be able to re-position it. he was not successful. he then suggested that the chiropractor could 'pop' it back in for me. i will be honest i have zero interest in 'popping' anything attached to my skeletal system.

when i woke wednesday morning i was aware of two things. first, that i was not going to work in that condition and secondly that i needed to get in to see my athletic therapist pdq!!! her findings were a misplaced rib and three errant vertabrae. the lot of which she re-positioned, i felt some lingering pain but i felt a lot better than i had.

thursday found me back at work but i was not at all comfortable and as the day progressed my discomfort increased. i was smart enough to book a follow-up appointment for first thing friday morning.

would you believe that the errant rib was out of position again? forty-five minutes of treatment and i was on my way into work. stupid decision? yeah it likely was, i lasted all of 4 very uncomfortable hours before i was shuffling back to my car.

for the most part my days have been the same. i wake up feeling fairly decent and as the day progresses so does my discomfort. i have also been spending so far too much time on ice but when i am frozen i am pretty comfortable so it is hard to resist.

i am perplexed by this injury. i have no clue what caused it or why the damn rib will not stay in place.

i shall end my whine here with an official... this sucks!!!

the osterizer mix

well i should start off first by saying i am in a decidedly better place than the last time i blogged. being in a dark place was part of the reason i stopped blogging before. personally i do not enjoy conversations with people who are negative all the time, i am sure we have all come across those people who almost seem to revel in or just straight up embrace their negativity. since i find that i soon find reasons to avoid those people, i sure as hell don't want to be one of them.

further the constant blogging of my darker thoughts didn't help me any. i expected it would have given me some clarity that would have helped me break through my funk. i guess all i really needed was the time to work through my mood. either way i am not in that place now but i still would prefer to keep the mood here light. i likely will occasionally use this as my own private soap box but i will be the first to slam on the brakes if i don't like where i am headed.

now onto the better stuff. through the encouragement of the bloke i have been working on my first foray into fanfiction. you may have even read my initial attempt if you were paying attention during my 30-day writing challenge. the bloke and a fanfiction writer have both inspired to take my tale to its logical end.

would you believe that story of mine is now 13 pages long? it is currently in the final stages of editing and i hope that i will be in a postion to share it with interested readers before too long. i also hope that i have the cajones to share it as well but that is another matter entirely.

i am happy with what i have written, i am kind of proud of myself for having done it as well. mostly i am surprised that i could do it. i would encourage everyone to put themselves in a position to grow and to be amazed by what you can do. when you succeed it is a truly wonderful feeling.

the success of my first fiction attempt has prompted a few separate ideas for additional pieces of fiction; one about basketball my lastest distraction, another story written in the 'in death' universe and finally a single character that i don't believe i can incorporate into either of the aforementioned story ideas.

of the three, the 'in death' piece might be the 'easiest' to write since i will again be borrowing characters already established. that is not to say that another 'in death' fanfic won't have a new challenge for me to tackle. generally the homicide(s) are quite gruesome and the author usually goes into detail about the scene that the good lieutenant walks in to. i didn't have the confidence to attempt that and i avoided it in my first fanfic. i plan on challenging myself to write the gruesome the next time i borrow the author's universe.

the other ideas are 'scary' in their own right because this time i will be undertaking the challenge of creating my own universe, characters and the like. 

go me!

the scales of injustice.

i was in a good mood when i got home from the gym. my brother and i were having a pretty decent conversation in the kitchen as well. it is about 30 minutes later and my mood has hit the shitter.

my mother was pissed off at my father and she pulled me into my bedroom to tell me all about it... from her side of course. i am not saying my father is not without fault. i am saying both my parents are master manipulators they just have two equally sneaky ways of accomplishing it.

my mother takes the more direct approach. she complains loudly to anyone who will listen about the years of unfair treatment she has had to endure from my father. my father takes the silent martyr role. i am sure his approach is to have people feel sorry for him for his wife's shrewish behaviour.

today after she told me her grievance and was almost in tears, she wants me to tell her if i thought my father's behaved fairly.

any idea how awkward it is to basically be forced to choose between your parents?

i do.

p.s: i apologize for today's blog. i am sure it is written poorly and i should spend more time on the edit but frankly i am still kind of pissed off... so maybe later.