keepin' it light

my last blog posting was seriously dark and as there is nothing more to post on that front i choose to make this one a lot lighter.

i was at one of the bike meets the other day and one of the guys there started telling everyone that he weighed 150 lbs. when he said that my head snapped around and i looked at him like he was insane. i was seriously thinking 'dude, shut the fawk up!!!'. but it is what he weighed and he seemed to be proud of it.

something is seriously wrong with our society. here we have a male barely out of his teens, he is still a freakin' natural testosterone factory and a 5'8" the best he can do is 150 lbs???

yesterday i was riding my bike downtown and two dudes crossed the street in front of my bike. one guy was easily 6 ft. tall, dressed entirely in black and i would bet serious money that he was 120 lbs. soaking wet. to add insult to injury he had his pants half-way off his azz and a belt wound tightly to keep the pants in place. this boy-man couldn't have looked any freakin' skinnier if he tried.

it is getting really depressing, our society is so afraid of muscle and size that it is getting to the point where people are going to have to be naked before you can tell the men from the women. or, i guess if you just automatically assume that the most emaciated of the two is the man, your likely to be more right than wrong. feh!

oh and before i forget, yesterday's cheat meal :-)

a new challenge

at first i wasn't sure i wanted to blog about this. blogging makes it real. but one of the advantages to blogging is it helps me get things into perspective.

sunday morning i was still in bed when i became aware of my brother on the phone. he was making a 911 call. i leapt out of bed when i heard him say 'i think my mother is having a stroke.' my dad was in the kitchen and he was trying to hold my mother up in her chair. my mother was clearly unconscious and based on the gurgling noise she was having trouble breathing. as i got closer she started to vomit. i had my dad help me lower her to the ground and get her onto her side.

once on the floor the gurgling stopped and she seemed to be breathing again. i was still concerned with the 'food' that was likely still trapped in her mouth but her jaw was fully locked and there was nothing further i could do. her breathing improved and then she started to open her eyes and look around. she was confused at this point why she was on the floor and what had fallen on her clothing.

it took quite a while for the EMS to respond and when they got to the house she was fully conscious. being conscious and responsive meant they required her consent to take her and she wasn't interested in going. when they asked if this had happened before my father said that it had. that it had happened at the home before when it was just he and i here to handle it. i had completely forgotten the incident and am still only able to recall snatches of the event.

i've been understandably on edge lately. i find i can barely walk past her without stopping to ensure she is breathing free and evenly.

of course it doesn't end there. it's been a few days since her latest event and she still isn't feeling well. so with a little behaviourial subterfuge i contacted my oldest brother to get his wife to call my mother to check on her. my mother tends to react more to what her daughter-in-law says versus the rest of us.

they spoke on the phone for a while and janet convinced my mother to take her blood pressure and pulse. my brother called me and told me to stay on top of that, i found her log and emailed him the week's worth of readings. he forwarded the email to his wife and my other brother.

what i found out during my conversations with my brother is that there have been 3 such events since last may. this is not a good sign at all.

anyway janet has encouraged us to get my mother to call the doctor and see if she can get in to see him today. apparently her blood pressure is pretty low.

and now we wait.

asleep at the wheel

so it's been a while yet again. not sure how this keeps happening, i mean i think about things i want to blog about, i even start planning posts in my head. somehow that seems to be where things end.

i am still trying to find my next graphics contract. i've been without a gig a lot longer than i had hoped i'd be. i've applied to a couple of gigs and i've had an interview. it will take a couple weeks to find out if i got the placement, i am trying to stay positive. interviews are not my strong suit, i let the nerves get to me and i don't always seem to come across in the best light.

i found a visor!! i've been having some hardware and software issues at home and have been spending some time at my local computer stores. on one such visit i happened to notice a hat store and sure enough they had exactly what i was looking for, another trip to michael's for supplies and i now have a brand spanking new hat. it really feel's good to wear it, knowing what it represents and i can't help but feel it's had a positive effect on my mood and my training. more importantly it makes my friend feel good and that's a joy i can't explain.

we've been having some really sh*tty weather this summer. in fact i went to a biker event a couple weeks ago. the weather was fine and then suddenly this black storm cloud rolls in. it went from spitting to a full on downpour in the blink of an eye. i set out for home as soon as i could, riding along the highway would have been reckless so instead i took the city streets home.

it wasn't too long before with the wind and the rain made it impossible to ride safely, i ducked into a esso station and waited out the storm with a few other stranded riders. eventually i was able to safely make it home, i was completely soaked through but i was home safely. it was a pretty harrowing ride, particularly with all the lightening and thunder. but i guess riding is about dealing with whatever comes your way.

dieting is still going really well and the weekly cheat meals are still a blast!! the week after the denny's breakfast i went to lick's restaurant and had the turkey burger with cheese, fries a moose tracks shake. i've got before and after pics for your enjoyment. okay maybe it's for my enjoyment!!

coming together

i had my second cheat meal yesterday. the heartland scramble from denny's.

my weight has been hovering nicely around the 168 mark. i don't have any plans at this time to make any more dietary changes, but i may start thinking about increasing my carbohydrate intake a bit. the plan, when i do it, would be to add about 100 calories to my current daily intake. hopefully the weight would continue to remain unchanged.

i am starting to feel stronger again in the gym. that is either because the shoulder has been a lot better, or it is the little kick i am getting from the weekly, party in my face, cheat meals.

i am also convinced that i have made some improvements in my rather extended offseason, so sometime this afternoon i will be taking progress pics and comparing them to the last time i weighed 168 lbs. i am hoping to see more shoulders, more pec and more calves. that's not to say that i don't want to see improvements elsewhere, it is just those are the areas i feel lag the most in my physique.

the 'job' hunt continues, and i will be starting a 15 hour refresher course this week. school... fun, wow! it will be on monday and wednesday evenings so it may mean that i may have to adjust my training schedule to keep those evenings free.

still no new visor, but much of last week involved updating the online portfolio a very crucial portion of the job hunt.

at this point i do think we are looking at either a trip to lick's for the turkey burger or shoeless joe's for the bison burger and lattice fries!! for grin's i've also decided to start documenting my cheat meal fun. so, until next time...

the wrap up

well i finished the diet at 168.0. much better than the 194.0 i started off at back in january. i feel better and look better at this weight. i am not sure how many times i have to re-learn the lesson that i shouldn't allow myself to blow up like the michelin miche. i guess my learning curve is still a straight line.

my freelance contract also wrapped up this week so i am now in the hunt for a new assignment. the studio director gave me a lead for another opportunity, unfortunately it is downtown. but i will also apply with the freelance agency that has opportunities closer to home, or at the very least away from the ugly downtown core.

the shoulder is currently doing pretty well, so fingers are crossed that will continue. but today is my chest workout so there are no guarantees lol.

it has been really hard to find a plain white visor. i have found visor's with logo's already on them but i want a plain one. i think i will have to go to a uniform supply shop and see if they have a sample or something that i can purchase to put my friends initials on. i am determined to do that.

as you know i have been cocooning myself and doing a lot of thinking of late. well i have recently started to emerge from my self-imposed exile and start spending some time with some friends. there are some friends who actually don't find me distant and who have suggested that it might be time to thin the herd a little bit. it sounds harsh but maybe they do have a point. if the way i am, makes people uncomfortable and knowing that i make them uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable, then what is the point? especially when there are people i can hang with whom i am free to be myself, flaws included.

yesterday for example, i went to the annual caribana parade. i went with someone i hadn't seen in a while. we had a blast. it was easy, we talked, we laughed, we enjoyed the festivities, the atmosphere and the music. she told me about her wedding plans and i told her about the distant issue. she said something that really made me think. she said that one of the things that proved to her that her man was a 'keeper', was that he could accept the things about her that the men before couldn't. i have decided to add the same thought process to my circle of friends.

anyway i am in a much better place today and that has to be a good thing.

i took some pictures at the parade but until i get them developed all i have to share with you is this quick pic i shot with my cell phone.