to get the title of this post you would have had to have paid attention to the a-team and you would also have to know the name of the character that Mr T played.
since i've been back working freelance computer graphics my family and friends have expected that i would be pretty excited by it all. fact is i am not. i am supposed to be relieved that my money worries will be behind me. of course i probably need to start getting paid. what i can't stop thinking about is the future. the days ahead of me where i will continue to get up and go to a job that does not excite or interest me.
basically i am still feeling sorry for myself. the thing is, i have taken the steps to right this mistake. i've started the debt consolidation process, well the paperwork has been done and approved. i am still waiting however for the funds to come through. i've completed my first two weeks of my contract, i can expect my first paycheque in another 6 weeks or so. i will get my last week of 'full-time' pay from personal training on friday. i'm hoping it will be substantially more than my car payment but i fear it might not be. which means i'm back to borrowing even more money from the bank of mom.
no one knows how long this contract position is going to last. but i go to work everyday and i do the best job i can. and when i'm away from work i really don't have anything to say about it. the work isn't difficult and for right now there is alot of it. now if someone insists on me telling them how i feel about my situation well i wish they wouldn't tell me how i am supposed to think. i wish they wouldn't tell me how i should feel.
i have noticed that i have been changing though. i remember how i used to be, back before i started skating. back then i focused on buying toys, i figured it was the only way to find some joy in my job. i adopted the 'chick who dies with the most toys wins' mentality. but then i found skating and i focused on making enough money to travel for skating. from then on i was drawn to adrenalin sports and far more interested in activities with higher risk potential.
so where am i now??? well i am thinking about taking up dirt bike riding next season and i hope to get out on my snowboard this season. of course one would wonder why i would want to do these things. i will be honest, i am really afraid that my retirement isn't temporary. and that i am going to be spending a really long time getting up everyday to sit in front of a computer. right now i think gaps, trails and halfpipes are the only things i've got going.
anyway i've got another 6 weeks of 7 day work weeks to face.
i can do this... one day at a time.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
stop my life... i want to get off!!!!
for most of this year i've had the most interesting run of luck ever. there have been a couple of time's of late where i was sure my luck was about to change/due to change/had to change... but i am forced to admit that my streak continues.
mind you sunday past all of my troubles were almost behind me. i was out on the bike trying to log in the last couple hundred km's before the end of the season. i thought i could smell burning rubber but for the life of me, interesting choice of phrase, i could not find the problem.
eventually i stopped for gas, after a ride that included speeds marginally in excess of the posted highway guidlines. there i discovered a fender bolt had come loose and had been carving a channel into the sidewall of my front tire. as i understand it, front tire blowouts at high speed are not much fun.
today i was working late. i am back freelancing in computer graphics... gawd knows i'm fawkin' unable to make a living doing anything i actually fawkin' like.
anyway after work i headed over to the gym to train. of course i have forgotten to pack any pants to train in. so i jump back on the highway for the quick 10 min trip home. of course the highway is a mess and i'm stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.
i change into the workout pants and head back to the gym. my first working set of squats... hell it was my first rep... i feel the pants split.
i quickly rack the weight and head to the locker room to assess the damage... of course it's bad. i was about to head back home to change yet again when i realized that i would never get to bed, if i didn't get my workout done. so instead i decided to train anyway. i figured if i went heavy enough people would be too busy watching the bar to bother to check to see if my azz was hanging out. but in the interest of modesty, of which i do have in abundance, i draped my spare t-shirt from my waist band.
did the pants tear any further? of course they did.
i am seriously at my wit's end with this turn of luck
dammit can't a kid get a fawkin' break?
miche pity party of one... your table's ready
*sigh
mind you sunday past all of my troubles were almost behind me. i was out on the bike trying to log in the last couple hundred km's before the end of the season. i thought i could smell burning rubber but for the life of me, interesting choice of phrase, i could not find the problem.
eventually i stopped for gas, after a ride that included speeds marginally in excess of the posted highway guidlines. there i discovered a fender bolt had come loose and had been carving a channel into the sidewall of my front tire. as i understand it, front tire blowouts at high speed are not much fun.
today i was working late. i am back freelancing in computer graphics... gawd knows i'm fawkin' unable to make a living doing anything i actually fawkin' like.
anyway after work i headed over to the gym to train. of course i have forgotten to pack any pants to train in. so i jump back on the highway for the quick 10 min trip home. of course the highway is a mess and i'm stuck in bumper to bumper traffic.
i change into the workout pants and head back to the gym. my first working set of squats... hell it was my first rep... i feel the pants split.
i quickly rack the weight and head to the locker room to assess the damage... of course it's bad. i was about to head back home to change yet again when i realized that i would never get to bed, if i didn't get my workout done. so instead i decided to train anyway. i figured if i went heavy enough people would be too busy watching the bar to bother to check to see if my azz was hanging out. but in the interest of modesty, of which i do have in abundance, i draped my spare t-shirt from my waist band.
did the pants tear any further? of course they did.
i am seriously at my wit's end with this turn of luck
dammit can't a kid get a fawkin' break?
miche pity party of one... your table's ready
*sigh
Sunday, October 05, 2008
and the rain continues to fall
you know i really had hoped that my next post would have been more upbeat, more light hearted and a hell of a lot more positive. it's been a while since i last posted an update and i am still pretty much down in the dumps.
on the work front i have applied to a few online postings and a call to the freelance agency yielded an interview that i am currently waiting to hear the final decidsion on a full-time position.
things are getting more uncomfortable at the gym. management is pressuring me to post more training hours. what i think they fail to understand is that i would gladly do more appointments per week. the problem remains that my clients have lives and have been cancelling or postponing their training because of it. thus i have gone from one of the 'heroes' to one of the 'zeroes' and in light of my financial situation it's just not a good place to be. when your a zero you don't get the new clients and you don't get the one's with potential either.
there also isn't much going on with my social life either. partially because i am so upset about everything that currently isn't going well in my life as well with everything in somewhat of a mess, i am not really motivated to be actively pursuing anything. suffice it to say that mr 'your schedule is too regimented', has finally figured out that anything between us was destined not to work. we haven't communicated with each other in quite some time. and the guy i do like, well he is so busy with his new job that he is unable to commit to anything either.
my training is going well with the body parts that i enjoy, however delt work, calf training and deadlifts continue to be a bane to my existance. it is funny i have been telling my friends for years about the limitations to my lifts. i have weaknesses where i should have strengths and vice versa. well one of my friends really couldn't understand how i could be strong in pressing motions for example, and doing lateral raises with practically the pink dumbells. we went to the gym the other day and i trained with her. she couldn't see anything wrong with my technique but there is definately something amiss. my best guess is that it has to do with the years of shoulder abuse from rollerblading crashes. i seperated my shoulder and tore both rotator cuffs a gazillion times.
my last paycheque was so meager that i actually had to go to the bank of mom to see if i could borrow enough cash to make it to the next cheque.
as well i am waiting to hear if my loan request has been granted for debt consolidation.
suffice it to say i haven't been handling all of this waiting very well. if you have stock options you may want to pick up a few thousand shares in tim horton's. while i have been down in the dumps i have been trying to drowned my sorrow's in cookies. what do you want from me... i don't drink.
on the work front i have applied to a few online postings and a call to the freelance agency yielded an interview that i am currently waiting to hear the final decidsion on a full-time position.
things are getting more uncomfortable at the gym. management is pressuring me to post more training hours. what i think they fail to understand is that i would gladly do more appointments per week. the problem remains that my clients have lives and have been cancelling or postponing their training because of it. thus i have gone from one of the 'heroes' to one of the 'zeroes' and in light of my financial situation it's just not a good place to be. when your a zero you don't get the new clients and you don't get the one's with potential either.
there also isn't much going on with my social life either. partially because i am so upset about everything that currently isn't going well in my life as well with everything in somewhat of a mess, i am not really motivated to be actively pursuing anything. suffice it to say that mr 'your schedule is too regimented', has finally figured out that anything between us was destined not to work. we haven't communicated with each other in quite some time. and the guy i do like, well he is so busy with his new job that he is unable to commit to anything either.
my training is going well with the body parts that i enjoy, however delt work, calf training and deadlifts continue to be a bane to my existance. it is funny i have been telling my friends for years about the limitations to my lifts. i have weaknesses where i should have strengths and vice versa. well one of my friends really couldn't understand how i could be strong in pressing motions for example, and doing lateral raises with practically the pink dumbells. we went to the gym the other day and i trained with her. she couldn't see anything wrong with my technique but there is definately something amiss. my best guess is that it has to do with the years of shoulder abuse from rollerblading crashes. i seperated my shoulder and tore both rotator cuffs a gazillion times.
my last paycheque was so meager that i actually had to go to the bank of mom to see if i could borrow enough cash to make it to the next cheque.
as well i am waiting to hear if my loan request has been granted for debt consolidation.
suffice it to say i haven't been handling all of this waiting very well. if you have stock options you may want to pick up a few thousand shares in tim horton's. while i have been down in the dumps i have been trying to drowned my sorrow's in cookies. what do you want from me... i don't drink.
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