somebody else!!!
the fat lady is slinking off the stage, they have dimmed the lights, we have scraped the last of the protan and pam from our bodies.
so how was it? well suprisingly enough it was not nearly the mind numbing nerve wracking experience that rollerblade contests were. in fact i can almost say that except for a quick little second i did not get nervous at all.
it took more time to get ready (get my suit on, tan on, oil up, makeup and what not), than i spent on stage. we were called onto the stage, the head judge called out front double bicep, side chest, back double bicep, side tricep and abs and thigh and that was it... we were done. then it was back to the hotel to wait for the night show.
the most fun was doing my routine for the night show. i guess the ham that has always been in me really shines during something like this. when i got off the stage i got a lot of congratulations for my routine. i was even complimented by laura creavalle (retired ifbb pro bodybuilder).
a couple of my friends from the board came out to bring me my oatmeal and raisin cookies. i was drowning my sorrows in a fistful of cookies when they announced that i was the winner of the best female poser!! apparently they liked my routine that much. so i went back up on stage... stopping only to hug my coach and i collected my trophy. by far i am the most proud of this part of the journey. my coach was always the one to win the best posing trophy, it is so amazing to be able to uphold the family honour if you will.
so whats next? well i do have the option of competiting in the canadians but there are many variables that will determine if i do or not. first i need to sit down with my coach and find out if he has the time to go around again. then i need to sit down with my diet guy and find out if i peaked for that show or if i can peak for the august show. the august show would have stiffer competition, since it would be the best from each province. so if the august show is not in the cards then i will be back to the drawing board. growing more muscle for next time.
i will keep you posted
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
closerthanthis
okay folks this is likely going to be my last post before the show. for those of you who don't know its saturday.
on the good news/isn't it ironic front. i called canada post yesterday morning and was told in no uncertain terms that my suits were on their way back to texas and there was nothing that could be done. then the lovely gentleman in question asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. he did not seem to enjoy my request that he make me a couple of suits before saturday. sense of humour sunshine... get one!
so then i had an epiphany. i remembered that at the shows there are always suit designers there and they always have booths with suits on display. figured it was a long shot but on the off chance that there was a suit that would fit, it would likely look better on me than something off the rack. one of my friends from the boards hooked me up with passion fruit designs and i gave her a call. okay now i must gush. rather than laugh hysterically at my plight and hang up, berns was compassionate and more than willing to step in and help me out.
i raced across the city and she had me go through some of the suits she had. there were more than a few that would have worked or only needed a simple modification, (her words not mine... i know nothing of this stuff). but in the end she decided that would not do, that i had to have my own suits made for me. and so she went and got some material and made some colour choices, (don't get me wrong she attempted to get my input but since i am more than willing to admit i know sh*t about that i let her make the call). i paid her and i drove home.
and here is where the irony comes in. guess what is sitting on my bed? yup my purolator package. the suits finally did arrive i actually laughed. so what am i going to do? well i am going to wear the passion fruit suits. why?? well i liked the way her suits fit, they are hella easy to put on, based on passion fruit reputation those suits will not need to be glued on and finally one of the suits that came in the mail was the wrong colour. i was expecting a teal blue and a guess what you might call a royal blue. instead i ended up with a royal blue and a greenish suit, i don't really like the look of the green suit against my skin.
but the upside is, should my coach and my online friends be right... that this is just the beginning well i now have suits for next time. i met a fantastic designer who taught me so much about how to properly wear the suit, the kind of stuff i would never have learned without the 'fitting'.
so now its just time to focus on the job at hand... and as my friend tg from the board said 'hold your head up and flex hard'.
time to get 'er done people.
next stop... tim horton's cookies!!!!!
on the good news/isn't it ironic front. i called canada post yesterday morning and was told in no uncertain terms that my suits were on their way back to texas and there was nothing that could be done. then the lovely gentleman in question asked me if there was anything else he could help me with. he did not seem to enjoy my request that he make me a couple of suits before saturday. sense of humour sunshine... get one!
so then i had an epiphany. i remembered that at the shows there are always suit designers there and they always have booths with suits on display. figured it was a long shot but on the off chance that there was a suit that would fit, it would likely look better on me than something off the rack. one of my friends from the boards hooked me up with passion fruit designs and i gave her a call. okay now i must gush. rather than laugh hysterically at my plight and hang up, berns was compassionate and more than willing to step in and help me out.
i raced across the city and she had me go through some of the suits she had. there were more than a few that would have worked or only needed a simple modification, (her words not mine... i know nothing of this stuff). but in the end she decided that would not do, that i had to have my own suits made for me. and so she went and got some material and made some colour choices, (don't get me wrong she attempted to get my input but since i am more than willing to admit i know sh*t about that i let her make the call). i paid her and i drove home.
and here is where the irony comes in. guess what is sitting on my bed? yup my purolator package. the suits finally did arrive i actually laughed. so what am i going to do? well i am going to wear the passion fruit suits. why?? well i liked the way her suits fit, they are hella easy to put on, based on passion fruit reputation those suits will not need to be glued on and finally one of the suits that came in the mail was the wrong colour. i was expecting a teal blue and a guess what you might call a royal blue. instead i ended up with a royal blue and a greenish suit, i don't really like the look of the green suit against my skin.
but the upside is, should my coach and my online friends be right... that this is just the beginning well i now have suits for next time. i met a fantastic designer who taught me so much about how to properly wear the suit, the kind of stuff i would never have learned without the 'fitting'.
so now its just time to focus on the job at hand... and as my friend tg from the board said 'hold your head up and flex hard'.
time to get 'er done people.
next stop... tim horton's cookies!!!!!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
pressing on...
so the most interesting to report is probably the fate of my suits. i mentioned yesterday that it would appear somehow that i messed up my address on my order form. so my suits have been deemed 'undeliverable' by purolator, they are either on their way back to canada post or houston, texas. i've been trying to see if there is a way that i can get them before they are returned but since it's a) not the standard procedure and b) since neither company is really sure where they are... chances are, they are going back to texas. hopefully they had a lovely trip.
i am sure i am coming across as unnaturally calm and in a way i guess i am. fact is although i am still trying to locate my suits and get them here, they reality is this situation is out of my control. my coach feels that if this is the worse thing that is going to happen on my way to the stage then i am doing ok. as he pointed out, my physique has come in the way that both he and the nutritionist intended, thus it doesn't really matter what i am wearing. any placings i have are not going to hinge on the fact that the suits i will be wearing will be off the rack. he also said that 'we both know this is not the last time you will be doing this so...', ummm... its not???!!!.
the other interesting thing was i completely lost my mind yesterday anyway. i woke up in this funk that i can't explain. i unloaded in my online journal on my bodybuilding board and i think i may have scared the hell outta some of my friends. those of them who have competed previously told me to calm down and that my feelings were a direct result of the show prep. again... i had no idea that show prep would be like this. my mood is sometimes comparable to a whammo super ball bouncing around inside of a squash court. although for the most part, i think i haven't been too difficult to be around.
finally ran into one of the account managers from work, who i haven't seen in a while. she noticed that i had lost a lot of weight, (17 lbs to date), apparently she thinks i look good at this weight and was amazed to hear that i had no intentions of staying here. i may look good to her but i can barely stand, i have zero strength and energy.
today i get to try boiled chicken... there's the microwave, well here goes!
i am sure i am coming across as unnaturally calm and in a way i guess i am. fact is although i am still trying to locate my suits and get them here, they reality is this situation is out of my control. my coach feels that if this is the worse thing that is going to happen on my way to the stage then i am doing ok. as he pointed out, my physique has come in the way that both he and the nutritionist intended, thus it doesn't really matter what i am wearing. any placings i have are not going to hinge on the fact that the suits i will be wearing will be off the rack. he also said that 'we both know this is not the last time you will be doing this so...', ummm... its not???!!!.
the other interesting thing was i completely lost my mind yesterday anyway. i woke up in this funk that i can't explain. i unloaded in my online journal on my bodybuilding board and i think i may have scared the hell outta some of my friends. those of them who have competed previously told me to calm down and that my feelings were a direct result of the show prep. again... i had no idea that show prep would be like this. my mood is sometimes comparable to a whammo super ball bouncing around inside of a squash court. although for the most part, i think i haven't been too difficult to be around.
finally ran into one of the account managers from work, who i haven't seen in a while. she noticed that i had lost a lot of weight, (17 lbs to date), apparently she thinks i look good at this weight and was amazed to hear that i had no intentions of staying here. i may look good to her but i can barely stand, i have zero strength and energy.
today i get to try boiled chicken... there's the microwave, well here goes!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
no more drama
well i am up at 4:00 am as per usual, but yesterday was my last workout. for the better part of 3 weeks i won't training. to be honest i have no clue how i am going to make it through that.
pre-contest is really traumatic to the body. don't get me wrong you do adjust your workouts according to your carbohydrate input but you still require your body do way more, on way less than its used to or comfortable with. but nothing about the last few weeks is particularily comfortable. that was not a complaint mind you, just merely a statement of fact.
today i get to start putting carbs back into my diet. i have spent the last few weeks getting as flat as a pancake, and i honestly can't explain how much of a mind fawk that was. i finally made myself take pictures on the weekend. i have never been this lean, you could see teeny tiny muscle bellies... but they were still teeny and tiny. according to my coach, my nutritionist and others in the know after the carb loading phase those teeny tiny bellies are going to fill up and i'm going to be huge. currently praying for 'huuuge'.
seems i somehow managed to screw up my mailing address and my suits have yet to arrive. since i can't afford to lose all my hard work to increased cortisol levels i am trying desperately not to worry or panic.
interestingly enough i am very tired. as i sit here typing this, my belly now full of chicken and sweet potato, i am suddenly aware of how tired i am feeling. i think i will set my alarm for 6:00 am. i will go back to bed and sleep for a little bit and then get up practice posing and go through my routine a few times before i get ready to go to work.
its due to rain today... so i won't be riding my bike in. besides i think i am probably still too carb depleted to be trying something like that.
pre-contest is really traumatic to the body. don't get me wrong you do adjust your workouts according to your carbohydrate input but you still require your body do way more, on way less than its used to or comfortable with. but nothing about the last few weeks is particularily comfortable. that was not a complaint mind you, just merely a statement of fact.
today i get to start putting carbs back into my diet. i have spent the last few weeks getting as flat as a pancake, and i honestly can't explain how much of a mind fawk that was. i finally made myself take pictures on the weekend. i have never been this lean, you could see teeny tiny muscle bellies... but they were still teeny and tiny. according to my coach, my nutritionist and others in the know after the carb loading phase those teeny tiny bellies are going to fill up and i'm going to be huge. currently praying for 'huuuge'.
seems i somehow managed to screw up my mailing address and my suits have yet to arrive. since i can't afford to lose all my hard work to increased cortisol levels i am trying desperately not to worry or panic.
interestingly enough i am very tired. as i sit here typing this, my belly now full of chicken and sweet potato, i am suddenly aware of how tired i am feeling. i think i will set my alarm for 6:00 am. i will go back to bed and sleep for a little bit and then get up practice posing and go through my routine a few times before i get ready to go to work.
its due to rain today... so i won't be riding my bike in. besides i think i am probably still too carb depleted to be trying something like that.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
untitled
usually when i sit down to compose a blog entry either the title is already in my head or at the very least i have a vague idea what im going to be on about. today however, is not like that.
things are definately more tricky at this point. i seem to be okay when i get up in the morning... sure my balance is a bit off but i do seem to be able exhibit some motor control. post gym however my balance and motor control seems to be, well... how can i put this eloquently??? for sh*t. it is my best guess that there are some horrified people at tim horton's in the mornings. i just know they are disgusted that i am clearly drunk at 8:00 am.
i went to a opa show last saturday. i went with some new 'old' friends. new in the sense that was the first we've met, but old in the sense that we have been online friends for some time. i think that is why i felt like i was spending sometime with old friends.
the show was long. i was frustrated by the number of figure competitors and their ridiculous class distinctions; figure short, figure medium, figure medium tall and figure tall. ok people what da azz if medium tall? its like watching a physique contest at starbucks. really what is next? figure short medium??? anyway as luck would have it we ended up leaving before we even got to see the mens middleweight bodybuilding class. it was already almost 11pm and i had to train and work in the morning.
as for the rest of it... well i didnt tell the other women with me but watching the show yesterday really kind of wigged me out. i started to get nervous... i started to wonder about my decision to compete. i never wanted to be small on stage and yesterday i realized that i don't look any bigger than the women i intended to be bigger than.
also for the first time in a really long time i shot some progress pics. i was really hoping that the pics would recover my fallen ego... i guess that was the reason why i hadn't been taking pics of late. my fallen ego remains... in a pile of ashes. i think i will share the pics with a few of my online buds... i think i need a healthy dose of blown sunshine to help me recover my confidence. everyone keeps telling me to wait till the morning of, after i fill back out... but at this point i just can't see how i am going to look any way other than tiny.
finally i found out that one of my friends has made the decisions to share with some people my decision to compete. i am pissed about that. the decision who to share this information with is mine. bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions.
since i know that there is a faction of society who equates bodybuilding with drug usage i am careful who i trust with the information that i am stepping into the realm of competitive bodybuilding. i guess it all boils down to me not wanting some think they know it all azz monkey assuming im taking this or that because they only know of one side of the sport.
hell my family doesn't even know and they are front line in dealing with the brunt of my funky moods. had a doozy rockin' today too. my coach thinks they should be told... i think its a bad idea. fawk, we are into the home stretch now... all they have to do is sit tight a little while longer and it will all be over.
things are definately more tricky at this point. i seem to be okay when i get up in the morning... sure my balance is a bit off but i do seem to be able exhibit some motor control. post gym however my balance and motor control seems to be, well... how can i put this eloquently??? for sh*t. it is my best guess that there are some horrified people at tim horton's in the mornings. i just know they are disgusted that i am clearly drunk at 8:00 am.
i went to a opa show last saturday. i went with some new 'old' friends. new in the sense that was the first we've met, but old in the sense that we have been online friends for some time. i think that is why i felt like i was spending sometime with old friends.
the show was long. i was frustrated by the number of figure competitors and their ridiculous class distinctions; figure short, figure medium, figure medium tall and figure tall. ok people what da azz if medium tall? its like watching a physique contest at starbucks. really what is next? figure short medium??? anyway as luck would have it we ended up leaving before we even got to see the mens middleweight bodybuilding class. it was already almost 11pm and i had to train and work in the morning.
as for the rest of it... well i didnt tell the other women with me but watching the show yesterday really kind of wigged me out. i started to get nervous... i started to wonder about my decision to compete. i never wanted to be small on stage and yesterday i realized that i don't look any bigger than the women i intended to be bigger than.
also for the first time in a really long time i shot some progress pics. i was really hoping that the pics would recover my fallen ego... i guess that was the reason why i hadn't been taking pics of late. my fallen ego remains... in a pile of ashes. i think i will share the pics with a few of my online buds... i think i need a healthy dose of blown sunshine to help me recover my confidence. everyone keeps telling me to wait till the morning of, after i fill back out... but at this point i just can't see how i am going to look any way other than tiny.
finally i found out that one of my friends has made the decisions to share with some people my decision to compete. i am pissed about that. the decision who to share this information with is mine. bodybuilding is a sport that you either love or you hate. those who hate it base their opinions on that which they do not understand and leap to all types or ridiculous conclusions.
since i know that there is a faction of society who equates bodybuilding with drug usage i am careful who i trust with the information that i am stepping into the realm of competitive bodybuilding. i guess it all boils down to me not wanting some think they know it all azz monkey assuming im taking this or that because they only know of one side of the sport.
hell my family doesn't even know and they are front line in dealing with the brunt of my funky moods. had a doozy rockin' today too. my coach thinks they should be told... i think its a bad idea. fawk, we are into the home stretch now... all they have to do is sit tight a little while longer and it will all be over.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
on final approach
i am on the final approach on my journey to the stage. it has been a very interesting trip. there were things i anticipated and expected and things that caught me completely off guard.
i had an interesting reaction tuesday morning. in my opinion one of the few times i've really struggled with this prep. tuesday morning entailed some posing practice, routine practice, i don't think i told you that my coach changed my music... basically in the studio he and the musician doing the edit changed a few things that basically entailed me having to learn a new ending, leg extensions and a.m cardio. never in my life have i ever felt that tired. i could barely walk, i was nodding off in my car at the lights. i would be lying if i didn't admit to starting to worry. luckily a couple sticks of gum and a meal fixed me right up.
tuesday night had me at the MAC counter augmenting my make-up collection. which is pretty funny when you realize that i never wear the sh*t... so spending another $90 to add more make-up to my collection is ironic to say the least.
i sat down with my nutritionist today and he layed out for me the plan for the last few miles of this trip. i am glad he wrote it all down because right now my head is spinning. i think i need to petition someone to get an extra 4 hours put into each day. i am going to need that time to get things organized for the show.
i had an interesting reaction tuesday morning. in my opinion one of the few times i've really struggled with this prep. tuesday morning entailed some posing practice, routine practice, i don't think i told you that my coach changed my music... basically in the studio he and the musician doing the edit changed a few things that basically entailed me having to learn a new ending, leg extensions and a.m cardio. never in my life have i ever felt that tired. i could barely walk, i was nodding off in my car at the lights. i would be lying if i didn't admit to starting to worry. luckily a couple sticks of gum and a meal fixed me right up.
tuesday night had me at the MAC counter augmenting my make-up collection. which is pretty funny when you realize that i never wear the sh*t... so spending another $90 to add more make-up to my collection is ironic to say the least.
i sat down with my nutritionist today and he layed out for me the plan for the last few miles of this trip. i am glad he wrote it all down because right now my head is spinning. i think i need to petition someone to get an extra 4 hours put into each day. i am going to need that time to get things organized for the show.
Monday, June 12, 2006
go figure
okay now this i simply don't get i am on a low carb, essentially no carb diet rotation. from all pre-diet reports i would likely be somewhere between maniacal and uber-b*tchy. now i will admit to having 2 reported occaisions wherein i can honestly say i reacted with a bit more 'ummmpf' than was duly necessary (but burn your yams on your carb day and see how well you take it!).
but what confuses me is that in many regards the loss of carbs seems to have settled me to some degree. i find i am calmer, i don't feel that i over-react as quickly or as often as i am used to. in fact the azz monkeys in my life who are determined to piss me off, well they do annoy but i just can't be bothered to react.
but for the record... no matter how well it settles me, as soon as the diet is complete i plan to re-embrace the carbs. this lil girl's got some growin' to do people!!!
watch out world here i come!!!
but what confuses me is that in many regards the loss of carbs seems to have settled me to some degree. i find i am calmer, i don't feel that i over-react as quickly or as often as i am used to. in fact the azz monkeys in my life who are determined to piss me off, well they do annoy but i just can't be bothered to react.
but for the record... no matter how well it settles me, as soon as the diet is complete i plan to re-embrace the carbs. this lil girl's got some growin' to do people!!!
watch out world here i come!!!
Friday, June 09, 2006
diggin deep
this my friends is the interesting part of the journey. this is the part that, if you allow me the use of an old cliche is, seperates the mice from the men. the carb cycling, the lower calories, the training, et al have netted me with the most interesting of feelings. monday worked out to be a day without carbs and it was still my quad day. so there i was running on empty but still doing two squat variations.
well i woke up tuesday and i was not myself. even though i got carbs that day i was still a mess. standing, walking you name it every activity was carried out as though i was standing on the deck of a small boat floating in rough water. i soldiered through one of the most challenging cardio sessions of my life. i literally felt like i might fall and just trying to co-ordinate my legs was something else entirely.
in fact tuesday evening i went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine to thank one of my friends for his help with my bike purchase. best guess, i think i made it all of 20 feet from the front of the store before i was standing over a $33 puddle of wine. one second i was holding onto the bag and the next i just let it go. so back into the LCBO i went for another $33 bottle.
wednesday was a follow up with my nutritionist. its not suprising to find that he still has a battalion of other 'tricks' to help dial me in. i am currently 12lbs less than when i started and i have also lost about 7% of body fat. i expect that i will be somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13% by the time the show rolls around. cardio twice a day has started now... yippee! as well i've also started back in the phone booth, time to lay down the base colour before the show.
i am proud of a few things. they are small changes in the grand scheme of things, but they are huge for me. i have been going into the studio at the gym on my cardio only days and i have been practicing my posing and my routine. there is just way more room there than in my bedroom at home. i am trying to force myself to ignore the curious onlookers. also i have started to do the cardio in my tank again. simply because i am that flipping warm, i am still suffering from 'smallness' but the desire not to pass out from overheating is superseding my feelings of inadequacy. the kicker is i have sort of invited 2 people to the show and told another i was doing it.
why? well my coach, i strongly believe, has told half of the free world and wether i like it or not there are going to be way more members of my gym at the show that day. bodybuilding fans??? nope just curious onlookers. so i figure since i already have all these people coming... what difference does it make. if i crash and burn like i normally do in competition in front of friends and family well then the more the merrier... cuz trust me nobody crashes and burns as entertaining as i do. i believe ESPN probably still has the footage!
today is friday and i can honestly say its the best my legs have felt in days however, i am still feeling like a marionette... as though someone else was pulling the strings that operate my legs.
i am the warrior
well i woke up tuesday and i was not myself. even though i got carbs that day i was still a mess. standing, walking you name it every activity was carried out as though i was standing on the deck of a small boat floating in rough water. i soldiered through one of the most challenging cardio sessions of my life. i literally felt like i might fall and just trying to co-ordinate my legs was something else entirely.
in fact tuesday evening i went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine to thank one of my friends for his help with my bike purchase. best guess, i think i made it all of 20 feet from the front of the store before i was standing over a $33 puddle of wine. one second i was holding onto the bag and the next i just let it go. so back into the LCBO i went for another $33 bottle.
wednesday was a follow up with my nutritionist. its not suprising to find that he still has a battalion of other 'tricks' to help dial me in. i am currently 12lbs less than when i started and i have also lost about 7% of body fat. i expect that i will be somewhere in the neighbourhood of 12-13% by the time the show rolls around. cardio twice a day has started now... yippee! as well i've also started back in the phone booth, time to lay down the base colour before the show.
i am proud of a few things. they are small changes in the grand scheme of things, but they are huge for me. i have been going into the studio at the gym on my cardio only days and i have been practicing my posing and my routine. there is just way more room there than in my bedroom at home. i am trying to force myself to ignore the curious onlookers. also i have started to do the cardio in my tank again. simply because i am that flipping warm, i am still suffering from 'smallness' but the desire not to pass out from overheating is superseding my feelings of inadequacy. the kicker is i have sort of invited 2 people to the show and told another i was doing it.
why? well my coach, i strongly believe, has told half of the free world and wether i like it or not there are going to be way more members of my gym at the show that day. bodybuilding fans??? nope just curious onlookers. so i figure since i already have all these people coming... what difference does it make. if i crash and burn like i normally do in competition in front of friends and family well then the more the merrier... cuz trust me nobody crashes and burns as entertaining as i do. i believe ESPN probably still has the footage!
today is friday and i can honestly say its the best my legs have felt in days however, i am still feeling like a marionette... as though someone else was pulling the strings that operate my legs.
i am the warrior
Saturday, June 03, 2006
guess who's back
well my friends my computer has been resurrected. i'd love to say that i got the information of my seized hard drive but sadly that's not the case. as it stands i still have the unit, but i've got to save up a whole wack of cashola to get my information off the drive.
again, i can't just turn my back on 3 years of bodybuilding progress, nutrition plans. that is information that i feel i can't do without. there is a lesson here. next time i will be smarter.
well i'm heavy into the carb rotations. in the beginning it wasn't as bad as i feared. the carb free days weren't even as hellacious as i imagined. however i have been doing it for a little over a week and i can honestly say i am starting to feel different. my legs are tired and heavy. i feel the need to sit more than i did before. granted i can still train but cardio is really starting to suck something awful.
the other interesting change in this journey to the stage is a sudden feeling thats overcome me in the last little while. simply i feel small. okay now i am currently 12lbs less than i was when i started this journey but that's not what i mean. i mean when i look in the mirror i dont see a bodybuilder, i just see small... and i don't think i like it. i've asked around on the boards and what i am feeling is normal, its part of the mental game that has to be endured. i guess the lack of carbs to some extent is responsible for my irrationality.
i will continue to charge toward the stage but in the back of my mind i focus on the muscle mass that i will be putting on in my next offseason.
the battle continues my friend and this tired warrior marches on.
again, i can't just turn my back on 3 years of bodybuilding progress, nutrition plans. that is information that i feel i can't do without. there is a lesson here. next time i will be smarter.
well i'm heavy into the carb rotations. in the beginning it wasn't as bad as i feared. the carb free days weren't even as hellacious as i imagined. however i have been doing it for a little over a week and i can honestly say i am starting to feel different. my legs are tired and heavy. i feel the need to sit more than i did before. granted i can still train but cardio is really starting to suck something awful.
the other interesting change in this journey to the stage is a sudden feeling thats overcome me in the last little while. simply i feel small. okay now i am currently 12lbs less than i was when i started this journey but that's not what i mean. i mean when i look in the mirror i dont see a bodybuilder, i just see small... and i don't think i like it. i've asked around on the boards and what i am feeling is normal, its part of the mental game that has to be endured. i guess the lack of carbs to some extent is responsible for my irrationality.
i will continue to charge toward the stage but in the back of my mind i focus on the muscle mass that i will be putting on in my next offseason.
the battle continues my friend and this tired warrior marches on.
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