gettin' better all the time?

well i have been working steadily for the past two weeks, so maybe things are finally starting to turn around. i'm no longer in that dark place i got to a few weeks ago. dare i say, i am even starting to feel somewhat optimistic.

the back still hurts but i've started to be nutritionally responsible and the scale is moving to the left and the tape measure journey around my middle has already been shortened by 1.5". i expect that the back pain will well and truly be gone with the loss of another good ten lbs.

i am still amazed by the quality of friends that i now have in my life. i don't know what exactly it is that i have done to get them but i sure as hell and glad they are there. they do more for me than i would ever expect anyone would want to do for me and i only hope they know how much i appreciate them being there.

we are about 6 weeks away from the arnold classic. this will be my first missed year since i started going in 2005. i may miss it this year but i am dayum sure i will be there next year. i expect that by this time next year i will be well and truly in control of my finances.

training is still going well in the gym thankfully. but this dayum shoulder of mine is still messed. i took a good two weeks off from training it directly and it was still sore that first week back. today is shoulder day and i woke up to all kinds of shoulder pain. currently i still intend to go in and try to do something. i might as well head in and give it a shot. the last two workouts i've had have been good ones but i have been skimping on the cardio. so worse case scenario i should at the very least hit the full shot of cardio if the training doesn't go as well as it could. providing of course, there is no temper tantrums.

enjoy your day!!!

january 10

i filmed the following on january 10 at my local gym. it was one of the best training days i've turned in, in quite some time.

enjoy!

lightening things up around here

you know it has been way too dark, depressing and serious in here for far too long. so to that end i submit a little levity.

it would seem that my father has purchased a new brand of instant coffee for the families dining 'pleasure'. you will never guess... walmart brand instant coffee. take your time, wrap your head around the smooth, delicate, yet rich columbus blend. i am convinced these are the beans juan valdez pee'd on.

clearly ross geller understands the horror!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0LmCTSdI0

p.f.u

one 591 mL bottle of coke zero plus a 1/3 of another add several fingers of antiguan rum... it's 12:15 am and i am pretty fawked up!!!

i used to be such a control freak... i used to be alot of things... now i'm just sitting in my bedroom heavy early in the a.m... pretty fawkin close to drunk off my azz watchin' episodes of dawson's creek on youtube.

happy new year

i hope you have all had a safe, happy and healthy new year. i wish nothing but the best for all of my friends in the coming year!!!

i've spent the better part of three weeks at home and frankly i am all over the panic button. tomorrow i will go and register with some temp agencies and see if there are other things i can do. i don't have clerical experience so likely i'll be hauling boxes in a warehouse. something that i know my back can't take right now.

i have been fighting demons for weeks and although it should be getting easier it's not. the itch remains, last night all i had to do was stay a little longer at the gym and a friend would have hooked me up. instead i came home and stayed up late drinking coke zero spiked with rum. a glass of which is currently 8 inches from my left hand.

so what's changed since the last post?. what has me adding fingers of rum to glasses of coke zero? is it just my frustration at the situation i put myself in? is it because i am scared that i will not be able to find my way out of this mess? or is it the fear that i seem to no longer be able to make anything but bad decisions?

i had an interesting new year's text exchange with a skate park friend. i wished him all the best and hoped that all his dreams would come true in 2009. apparently, as far as he is concerned every day he is living his dreams. he is living his dreams and i am still waiting for my life to begin. ain't life a b!tch?

i heard from my ex-coach. he lost his mother on new years day and he wanted to get me the information for her service. i do feel guilty about not going, but there is no reason to think that being around him is safe at this time. one of his old clients told me she is hesitant to attend as well, and will only attend if i do.

i am back on a regular training schedule. the shoulder injury remains and for the next little while i am avoiding direct delt training. shoulders is one of the areas that i need to focus on to help balance my physique, so the decision to not train them for a while is scary to say the least.

i am still trying to track down some information about employment opportunities in montreal. first and foremost i need an agency contact through which to seek work in my field. but mostly i need to find out about any possible language requirements. i can swear quite nicely in montreal's local version of french, but that skill set doesn't look good on a resume. my friend works in animation and when he moved there he didn't speak a word of french but he took classes and has since learned. the other 4 ontarians who went to montreal with him did not end up learning the language, so i guess in some fields bilingualism is not necessary??

well my friends alice is ducking back down the rabbit hole... until next time!!