it ain't easy but that's ok, cuz we hopeful

i am several days past my first treatment. i suppose the most important detail of note was that it actually didn't hurt. this was probably the greatest surprise of all. i mean when you imagine a hypodermic needle being inserted behind your knee cap, don't you just automatically think ouch? i know i did. if anything i would say that after a while the pressure of the orthovisc entering the cavity didn't feel the greatest but even that wasn't that big of a deal.

immediately post-injection walking was a challenge. i spent the evening with my knee elevated and on ice as per my medical recommendation. by thursday evening i was noticing how much easier it was to negotiate stairs and the commode. but beyond that i didn't try to test it.

i did my first workout friday evening and i went so far as to walk on the treadmill for about 20 mins. my knee didn't bother me at all throughout the workout but it didn't much care for the cardio. maybe i shouldn't have gone as long as 20 mins. because i required a lot of ice friday night and saturday a.m.

my 2nd post treatment workout was saturday afternoon. i didn't bother doing any cardio at all. i just got home from yet another cardio free workout. but today i actually trained legs. for quads all i did was hack squat for 10 reps. i just used the 'weight' of the empty machine and increased my ROM slightly. there were twinges but no real pain.

all and all i would say that i am pleased with the progress so far. and i expect this means it is only going to get better from here on in. hoowah!!!!!

hit me with your best shot!!!

well tomorrow is the big day. wednesday january 13, 2010 at 2:00 pm is the appointed time for my first orthovisc treatment. i will not lie, i did not sleep very well, if any at all last night. i don't imagine tonight will be any more restful.

the upside is after tomorrow i will know what the treatment is like and i am sure that the remaining shots in this series will be approached with a lot less terror. but it is the fear of the unknown. i know that it is a gel-like substance which means it has to be a fairly large gauged needle. i know that the needle is inserted behind me knee cap and this is where i start to get the proverbial heebie jeebies.

i haven't watched this, but this is what is going to happen to me tomorrow. i thought about watching it, i started to watch it... and then i decided against it. i guess i am a puppy. anyway here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAJ-JrmYCSc"

knows changes aren't permanent, but change is

i was supposed to pay attention to the lyrics of rush's tom sawyer today. well that is, if you believe in fate and i do. first the song featured predominately in a movie i was watching today and then when i was driving to the gym to train it played again. the boys of rush are a little cerebral for me, so i don't get all the symbolism in the song but what i do get... speaks to me.

things have been going a lot better for me of late. i don't know if it is because i am days out from finally starting my knee treatment, or perhaps it is because i have been working. not regularly but i have been working. to top it off training has been going really well also even my shoulder training day. shoulder day and i don't usually get along but as i said things have been much better even considering my schedule of late. the contract i've been on hasn't exactly subscribed to the typical 9-5 work day and i am getting to the gym at all kinds of hours.

i think that we are ruled by the fates. i think that situations, challenges and people come into our lives to direct us and steer us along the path we are to tread. sometimes the journey is easy and sometimes it is anything but, but no matter the road you hoe, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

i have no idea what comes next on this crazy rollercoaster called life. but i take comfort in the fact that through it all, i'm still standing.

everyday de bucket go a well, one day de bottom a go drop out

happy new year!!!! this is the time of year when we should all take stock of our win/loss columns from the previous year and figure out how to get more in the win column.

i am coming of off a couple of challenging years and i think my loss column far exceeds my win. which by my own definition means i have much to fix or focus on for 2010. off the top of my head my employment situation, my knee injury, all the friends i have lost, my feelings self worth and my relationship with my family.

you would think that i'd be moved to focus on them all but i don't think having that many balls in the air is prudent. yes, we are by nature social animals and not having decent relations with friends and family is no way to live. however there is someone i miss, someone i want desperately to get back. i want the miche i used to be, the one who started this blog. the one who fell in love with the sport of competitive bb, who wanted to get bigger and stronger her way.

somewhere along the way i lost that miche. perhaps it was the struggle i've had with money and regular employ, maybe it was the scare from this injury, maybe it was because i've always been so damned focused on having everyone like me that i often feel i can't be myself. either way she is a little lost right now and only through focusing on the things i can change, can i get her back.

in 12 days the treatment starts for my knee, which should eventually allow me to begin to train again with a full ROM. allowing me to regain some of the lost size and strength in my legs. i was pretty freaking close to a 405 lb deadlift and i would really like to make that pull a reality.

there is the feeling that the joblessness will make a recovery in 2010 and i could find myself working regularly again. frankly i think i disagree with puffy, it has been my experience that it is less money, mo' problems.

my goals for 2010, i wouldn't even call them resolutions because they aren't, it's not like i am quitting smoking or resolving to lose weight. i am simply going to get back to training as i used to and find regular employ. those two things alone should greatly improve my feelings of self worth.

if my friend pool fills out or if i find people i can be myself around, then that is great. people who understand that i use a lot of humour, some of which is self-deprecating but i feel that if you can't laugh at yourself then you have no business laughing at anyone else. if you feel that you shouldn't be laughing at anyone, then realize you have just put the entire comedy industry on the unemployment line. remember that through humour, through looking at ourselves change for the better is often made. and sometimes... sh!t is just funny.

i wish happiness, health, love and success to everyone. may 2010 be your best year yet. it is going to be mine!!!!