the wheels in my head...

thinking, thinking and more thinking. it is all that i seem to be doing lately.

it's 47 weeks till my next show. that gives me 27 weeks of building and 20 weeks of dieting. the key to improving one's physique, and hopefully, one's placing is by making the most of the offseason. i've heard npcchicka say time and time again 'contests are won or lost in the offseason'.

so how to make the most of my offseason?

well first i have to take a good hard look at the package i brought to the stage last time. figure out where i was weak and chart a course to make myself stronger. now 27 weeks sounds like a lot of time but in the world of bbing its not that long... well it is if your dieting. the reality is, there is only so much that i can accomplish in that 27 weeks so i have to prioritize. i am currently trying to ask a few people for an honest opinion on what areas to focus on this offseason. my sense of 'self' is still horrifically distorted after the rigours of show prep. i still fail to see a bber when i look in the mirror and the more time i spend looking at my show pics the more disappointed i am in what i brought to the stage. clearly i am going to need an objective opinion to help me plot my course.

one of the women in the gym this morning was congratulating me on my placing. she then asked where was the picture of trophy presentation. i told her that it was at home. she then said that it should be blown up and placed on the wall in the gym and that she had already spoken to my coach/boss about it. he assured her that he was 'working on it'. i think i died a little inside when she told me that.

last night my mother wanted to talk about my old training partner and what had become of her. she wanted to know if we were still friends or if she 'dropped me'. i told my mother that i was dropped and i could be wrong but it seemed like she got some sort of twisted pleasure out of that. sometimes it feels to me, like my folks revel in my failures. i can only imagine, especially seeing as they hate the sport, how much my family would enjoy hearing about the show. most people can't understand why i say i finished last in lieu of saying i finished 2nd... but trust me, thats exactly how my family would look at it.

training by myself continues. i expect to continue to train by myself... just as well i guess ive got lots of sh*t to do before feb 26, 2007